If you can't let it go, take it with you.

It has been six years since I left Taiwan. Since I was a child, I have often wondered what it is like to live in a foreign country while walking on the streets of Taipei.

Friends around me seem to go abroad a lot. My English is not good, I have been curious about those ABC classmates since I was a child, why do I miss the United States so much? Talking about relatives in Canada, talking about cousins living abroad will have a sad birth of the wrong child.

"Is it really so good abroad?" I'm not good at English, the kind of rotten people who silently hope that Chinese can rule the world, the most wanted to go is Japan. Besides, my stature is only 148 cm, so I must be regarded as a handicapped person in the foreign world. Apart from listening to rock music, I don't have any signs of Westernization, so I can be said to be Hari's house girl. I went to Europe at the age of 18 and fell in love with the Renaissance architecture that can be seen everywhere and the historical aroma of the ancient city. As a design student, I thought that if I lived here, I would be inspired to explode... But I am now in Australia, and I am married to a blue-eyed plumber. This unexpected turning point in my life has caused a big blow to my body and mind. .

Yes, this is not an inspirational story, although there are inspirational elements, mainly my physical and mental observation diary.

If you want to say something paradoxical, this is the conversation record between me and the universe customer service.
All my wishes have been fulfilled, but in ways I can't think of, the universe has been communicating with me in his own way. Maybe I'm crazy, or maybe I'm not a Muggle. There are so many coincidences and amazing things, but since my diagnosis my brain fog has gotten worse and I want to keep a journal and I want to keep them for as long as I can remember. I'm sure my psychologist would encourage me to do the same, right?

Before and after the epidemic, self-confidence was obviously hit. Foreign marriage, relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, racial issues, vaccine issues, followed by buying a house and becoming a mother. In a hurry, I reached the age of 30. What a great price to fall in love with an Australian boy. In Taiwan, I was worried about becoming a graphic designer or a photographer. That working vacation changed my mood and brought me to a new chapter in my life that I could never have imagined when I was a kid, "I'm not ready, I'm not ready at all! "In countless times of self-repair, if you keep spurning yourself several times, you will always be resurrected!

I think this world may really be a cosmic prison, and our own original factory settings are always matched with issues that backfire. There is always one thing, at the bottom of my heart, that I know is what I desire most, but if you don't go far enough and take a shortcut, the universe will redirect you to a destination. I said the universe customer service looks like this

"Hello universe, I want to be a different person" I make a wish, I want to be a person with my own style "Is this a good person who stands out from the crowd? Download ''different'' for you... DIDI"
- As a result, I became a misfit foreigner.

Without my own efforts, for some reason, I avoided the artistic creation that I should do. The ''different'' continued to play, and I came to Perth, Australia. It seemed that the radio station couldn't find my favorite channel, so I tuned it. Tune again. The first two years of part-time work eased my brokenheartedness in Taipei, and when I found myself determined to become a full-time backpacker and head to New Zealand, my husband appeared.

The goddess said, "If you can continue to travel on your own, it's not bad, but this man can give you a home, you can choose it yourself."

Am I a national sweetheart? What a life AB question! When he called me back to Australia, I looked at Lake Taupo and remembered the last time my friend in Taiwan said, "It's a little sad, I don't think you'll come back." Why is it so active in the past six months, the body itself knows that it will be settled, right? I have been preparing for this moment for the past six months. Since the answer is actually in my heart, let's face it. I have chosen a home.

I got married in October 2019, and the epidemic will end at the end of the year.
The epidemic can be called a couple killer, and the vaccine can be called a marriage killer. I said it myself, I was really half-killed.

British mother-in-law + French father-in-law + Australian children = zero consensus, the isolation of masks at the beginning of the peak period of meeting guests made me think that I must choose a kindergarten or a nursing home. Children will not drive by themselves and disappear, diabetes, hypertension The anti-vaccine in-laws have been rushing out. My husband walked around with a fake vaccine certificate and said it was his body’s right. I seem to have witnessed the awakening of Australia’s public political awareness. I asked them five years ago who the ruling party is. I have already started canvassing votes full of political achievements, and I seem to have returned to Taiwan.

The psychologist said, "You said you were sensitive to human rights?"
"After you became the oppressed party because you didn't want to get vaccinated, you should have been hit hard."

I don't want to get vaccinated, because my family members don't want to get vaccinated. I read too much news from the left and right, and the news with sensational headlines is always in my message, and I can't stop it. When I think of that time, when it comes to vaccines, I think cry. My husband thinks it's not good for future children, and my in-laws think it's a conspiracy theory, what should I say? I believe both sides, it's just a matter of chance. Just am I lucky?
I was happily reading bookkeeping training, but my favorite teacher was about to be fired for not getting vaccinated and said in tears, "If you do something you don't agree with, it's called madness." At that time, the forced beatings in Western Australia rubbed my three views into a ball, and I could not go anywhere. After two months of secretly taking two doses of novavax, all the injunctions have been lifted. The anti-vaccine in-laws have also been diagnosed for one round. Fortunately, there are no sequelae. My three views have been burned to ashes.

Husband said, "Start a business! You're fine at home, too."

My husband is a bright and positive person. Both of us are Leo. We are like best friends. I am sure he likes me more than I like him. If you want a child, be a child yourself. Friends envy us for such a relationship, but I always feel suffocated, as if I just became a professional wife, and I also try to do what I think my wife should do, organize the housework, and say he is handsome every day , to give him the sense of security he wants. From the original habit of drinking and disorderly sex, there are a little casual girls in the eyes of others, I can say that I seem to have taken a reassurance, and I have cut off all temptations and possibilities, and the circle of friends I have chosen is very safe. But it may also pull me out of the more ideal world of art. It often seems that looking at the former network circle is like clothes that can no longer be worn. The card I wrote to him was like "We love each other like seagulls and dolphins, and we love the ocean at the same time, but I envy you that you can fly" - adapted from Jay Chou's best-selling love song Coral Sea. Humor allows both of us to laugh at each other every day. I fall in love with his incredible kindness and optimism, but on the other hand, he can't empathize with my difficulties. Completely different family backgrounds and cultural concepts make each other often fall asleep with tears in our eyes. So my emotions were always preventing me from integrating into the society, and I started to see a psychologist under the long-term troubles. The picture on the cover is what I saw when I talked about starting a business.

I heard "I make a wish to God, I just want to concentrate on doing the thing I want to do, and I don't want to worry about food and clothing!" in the Interstellar Power Company!

What is your favorite thing to do? Writing, photography, illustration? Having attention? Spread love and care?

These are the self-images that I have been looking for and want to build. Friends have encouraged me many times. People will be interested! The universe allows it. It's not some dark law. It's safest to keep silent. Candy is always given to children who have applications. Under the constant blessing of angel numbers, if you choose such a path today, what will happen tomorrow?

"I just don't have that feeling of looking forward to tomorrow anymore," I said shallowly to the psychologist.

It seems that in the sharp turn of the soul, it has become a dark thing, playing the role it has been set, agreeing with it and adapting to it, wandering in the sea of sand.

Originally expected to get married and travel to Taiwan and Macao every year, but the epidemic occurred.
Originally expected to take a job after studying English accounting hard, but the result was a vaccine.
Originally looking forward to a happy family relationship, a family revolution broke out in the husband's family.

Every time the nuclear explosion is repaired in the nuclear explosion, I seem to forget who I am. In my cartoon fantasy, I should already be the version of the seventh generation. Under the transformation of seasonal melancholy every year, I will finally be thirty years old this year. ! I believe that the suffocating me at the age of sixteen must be dumbfounded. In addition to the part of freezing age, becoming a timid housewife who is troubled and unable to integrate into the society, the domineering arrogance of those who want to look down on them has vanished, and once again I can't win and join again, this is such a timid me.

But I'm not a regret person, I don't regret any decision I made, but I regret the time wasted.
As long as I stick to everything a little, won't the universe keep leading me to other destinations?

If you can't let go of many things, just take them with you.

-10072022