Can I just forget about it?

In fact, I have already forgotten which day this wave of Facebook community me too movement in Taiwan started in 2023. I read every article carefully, chewed repeatedly, and looked at the wounds of strangers, and I felt quite uncomfortable from the bottom of my heart.

I thought I had already experienced those entangled moods when I was young, crossed the hurdles that I couldn’t overcome in the past, read some women’s theories more or less, and had the accumulation of long-term psychological counseling. Now I am strong enough and calm enough to Quietly staring at other people's stories.

Until I found out that for more than a week, my work status was extremely poor, my mind was confused, and I was dragged over by one hot me too self-revelation on the Internet from time to time, forcing myself to read several articles.

Heart full, full of wounds, and full of evil.

Although I was lucky enough to get away from many times of testing the boundaries, but at the moment I don't have enough courage to resign and reprimand the other party.

The interview, which was supposed to be in public, was a temporary change of location. I walked into a building on the main road, and followed the male interviewer to the elevator. He was ascending in a confined space of the elevator. There were only me and him, and the elevator went up. , he said, "This is my home."

I was stupid, but I didn't have time to escape. I went into his house, walked through his room, and interviewed him on the balcony of his house. I tried my best not to let the atmosphere be distorted. I talked about my thoughts on work and whether your company is nearby. ? I want to visit the company. I was too tense, trying not to let the atmosphere flow into an ambiguous space, and vaguely remembered him asking if he had a boyfriend.

Later, I managed to get the other party to take me to the office,

But it was a holiday, and the office was still empty.

I retreated completely from that interview, but I tried my best to stay in such a well-designed space, panting heavily to maintain the integrity of the space, not to let the other party misunderstand, and to have any chance to make a move.

In the next few years, a woman finally signed and publicly identified. This man often invited women out alone for work reasons, and made appointments in private spaces such as his car and home, but the topic gradually retreated from the public domain and wandered in The ambiguous area is waiting for the opportunity to move.

This activist, who used to be a big talker on the social platform, has a very high voice and followers on the Internet, has a beautiful career, shows off his medical knowledge from time to time, and founded one politically correct organization after another. community,

Finally, he was sued and fell to the altar.

I also have an experience that is difficult to talk about and tell. In a wet and cold December rainy season,

At that time, I did enter the room with a man, and I wanted to get close to him in my heart, but I was not mentally prepared to go to that step. At that time, I had no intimate experience with the opposite sex. I admired the person in front of me. He deeply felt that I appreciated him so that he could reach out and ask for something more from me. Boy friend.

This man said that he can't be my boyfriend, but he strongly wants to get something from me. I am eager to get close to him, but I don't want such a relationship. I don't want to do it with this man.

I stopped him from continuing, but he still tried to force his way in from time to time. I keep asking no no, I can help you in other ways, but please don't come in.

I made it out in bed, but the experience left me deeply wounded, for years and years.

I have been confused for a long time, and I am willing to enter the confined space with him and take off my clothes, am I still qualified to be called a victim?

It was because I liked him so much that he had the opportunity to touch me. Everything that happened in that space made me feel uneasy. He touched me but he didn’t love me. Isn’t my emotion for him based on nothingness? , He just wants my body without any liking and love, which makes me feel so sad, so sad.

The news of this person appeared in the news from time to time. In the community, every time I saw this person's impassioned image, and the whispers of this person gradually flowed out, I felt more and more sadly too small. It was me who walked into that room with him, and I had nothing to say, and I was terrified that I wasn't a good victim at all.

The victim in the popular imagination must be pitiful enough to call out the resistance of the throat to qualify as you are unwilling. Before you become a victim, you must first build a chastity archway.

In this society, men's desires are allowed to flow freely, and women who stand up and complain often have to experience sexual humiliation first and let others point them out. When it comes to sex and desire, domination is always in the hands of men, which is a plus for males and a minus for females.

It took me many, many years to figure out that I have the right to own my desires how I use them and with whom.

In too many narratives, we only see men's flamboyant sex and power, while women can only be catered to and provoked.

Everything that happened in that room, the other party could only see his own desire and completely ignored my subject. I was almost about to be plundered by the male's desire to dominate in such a private space.

I retreated from that bed, experienced years of dissonance and confusion, and had to study a little more to be able to recognize the injustice and restraint of women in traditional discourses.

No woman would be willing to step on the position of a victim by herself. We only hope that in such a private space where emotions and desires flow, the two parties are equal. Desire is based on shared will and boundaries, and Not dominated by male desire violence.

My desire should have been justified.