not doing anything

I used to be a workaholic, and I like to have a full schedule even when I go out to play.

In the five years since the new recruits registered, my understanding of life (obviously the emotion of being over forty), I have become more and more aware of how to enjoy the state of "doing nothing". Although there is still the pressure of the sandwich generation.

At least three or four long trips of five to eight days are arranged every year, and the trips are purely "doing nothing", and almost do not even change the place of accommodation.

Yesterday (8/16) I went to Cingjing Farm in the morning. After walking around, I arrived at the place of accommodation at noon. Then it's been a joke until now (the night of 8/17), and I haven't gone anywhere. Where you live, read a book, play with newcomers or be played by newcomers.

Always tell new recruits:

"I love you! Not because you are who I am, nor because I am who you are. Not because of what you did or what you learned or what you did for me, but simply 'you are you' 』

In a relationship, this is not a simple "doing nothing" existence.

One evening in early July, when I was waiting for the new recruits to finish class, I chatted with the boss and saw a text that day, "Education, teach children how to express". I was very moved.

Because we have been assisting newcomers in how to correctly express their needs, feelings and emotions for a long time, although we are not delicate enough in some areas, at least we are working hard.

Then I talked about the situations I often encounter in my work. Many parents don’t know how to express it. It's part of my job to help parents express themselves.

Thinking of a mother and daughter I had a conversation with, my mother told me that she was quite open-minded. During the process, my mother also said to her daughter, "You must know that your parents have always loved you, so you must study hard." Then the daughter's expression flashed. A touch of contempt. In fact, such a state is often seen in relationships.

The "love" in such a relationship seems to be "what needs to be done" to be worth having. Although, the parents who said this sentence may not have that meaning; however, the response of the children is the most real. What she received would cause such a reaction.

Another situation, which is also a situation where you often feel "what should be done":

On the first day of the Dragon Boat Festival holiday, the new recruits were packing their toys, and I was sitting on the ground reading a book.

The newcomer walked past me and suddenly reached out and slapped my book on the floor.

Me: "OO, what's wrong? Take my book out?" (objective facts)

The newcomers bowed their heads and said nothing.

Me: "What happened to you just now?" (objective facts)

New: "Because I want to play with you"

Me: "I see! I know, but you just took a photo of the book I was reading, and I was shocked! I also felt uncomfortable" (objective facts and stated feelings)

The new recruit looked at me with tears in his eyes.

Me: "This kind of behavior is inappropriate, you can't do it" (establishing rules)

Me: "Even though I'm not feeling well, I still love you very much, you know?"

New: "Know" Me: "Take the time to clean up"

In terms of expression, such a situation is also reduced as if "what needs to be done". Many friends who are parents, seeing this kind of response, many reply: "This is good?" Because they always feel that under this situation "should" do or say something.

In my concept, this is already complete.

Because complete communication includes:

1. Observe without comment (objective facts).

2. State how you feel.

3. The establishment of rules (the bottom line of each other) This part is usually classified in the statement of feelings, but it will be clearer if it is separated.

Perhaps, when you can "enjoy what you are not doing" in life, you can have different feelings about some things.