Yoshimoto Banana answers the troubles of making friends

Japanese writer Yoshimoto Banana has written many books in the past, and this question and answer set is specially made for readers' questions about "making friends". Each stage has different interpersonal difficulties and troubles. Although Yoshimoto Banana is not an expert in this field, she responds to readers with her own experience and position, which I think is very sincere and worth reference.

🐧 The only person who is always around and whose values are in line is you

Everyone is eager to have friends who understand themselves. It would be better if they lived close by. However, with the growth of age and the continuous transformation of life circles, friends who originally fit in may gradually become less speculative, so Yoshimoto Banana reminds everyone that you must First, clarify whether you want to live close to friends or friends who have the same values. If you have both, but you are really the only one left, it sounds a little sad, but it is true to the point.

🐧 You don't need to be obsessed with "continuing" to make friends

I once heard a well-known Internet celebrity talk about her view of making friends when visiting a guest I was astonished when I was there. I didn't expect that someone would be so obsessed with "can't change". In fact, this is quite unhuman. Not only does everyone's thoughts change over time, but even their place of residence and friendship circle may continue to change. The chances of continuing to maintain friendship with childhood playmates are really not high. If you insist on regular contact with parties, it will definitely make people feel stressed. Yoshimoto Banana said that if you are too obsessed with "continuing", you will ignore "now". Although most people long for "fixation", interpersonal relationships are inherently difficult to predict and control. The best distance is not to collide with each other. .

🐧 Your appearance is everything

Although it is said that people can't look at their appearance, most of the time they can observe some clues by looking at their appearance. Yoshimoto Banana said that she has learned to judge people by appearance, and often the final result is as she expected. Of course, there will be some inaccuracies, but from the appearance Judging a person can also be regarded as a reference. In today's society, we often first know a person through words, but Yoshimoto Banana said that judging human nature is not enough just by reading, but actually face-to-face contact with people , sometimes from a person's words and deeds, facial expressions, way of doing things You can judge whether a person is suitable for dealing with them.

🐧 Partnering with friends to start a business, you will lose more money and jealousy

Many people would say that traveling, lodging, and starting a business with friends is the easiest way to turn a blind eye. Most of the reasons are due to entanglement of interests and jealousy. It is more likely to work together for a long time. Since partnership entrepreneurship will definitely involve financial interests, disputes are prone to occur whether it is profitable or not, and there may also be problems of power unequal between each other. Therefore, it is not easy to start a business with friends. In most cases Even friendships are buried together, so it is important to find a partner who has the right personality and is tolerant of each other.

🐧 Care should be measured

Yoshimoto Banana said that most of the causes of illness are related to "living habits, thinking patterns, and genetics" . If a good friend has bad habits, it is best to tell them directly, but I think it is best to remind them in a more euphemistic way. If you directly advise in a critical tone, you may not get a positive response from the other party, and it may also affect your friendship. I always think that a person's thinking patterns and living habits are mostly fixed. It is not easy for a person to change suddenly. Unless he wants to change himself, it is best for others to stop and try to avoid being overly concerned and disgusting.

🐧 When life changes drastically, so does interpersonal relationship

Sometimes we will find that a friend's attitude towards us has changed suddenly, just when we can't figure out what we have done wrong, maybe the reason is not ours, but the other person's life may have changed drastically, so It is also reflected in the interpersonal relationships around you. When encountering such a moment, we had better relax our hearts and not insist on pursuing it, because friendship will disappear one day, it just leaves us with a different appearance, and maybe one day it will appear quietly again.

🐧 Personal opinion

I'm very good at making new friends, but my relationship with everyone is not based on going out to meet or greet each other, and I don't like friends who are very controlling or overly concerned, especially when I make friends Confirm basic values, including political party orientation, religion, and pluralistic family issues. If these conditions are similar to your own, most of the friendship can last for more than ten years without any problem. At this point in time, they diverged and parted ways.

I have always said that the conditions for making friends are very strict. In fact, it is also to prevent my life from being affected too much. For example, when I find that a person is selfish and likes to take advantage of others, then I can slowly distance myself when I find out. To put it bluntly, if a friend makes an unreasonable request to him, he will categorically refuse it. Only by drawing a boundary in time can protect each other's friendship , rather than aggrieved himself and deepen his resentment towards his friend. Many times, problems in interpersonal relationships are caused by not being frank and open to expressing opinions, and always prescribing positions with distrust and prejudice. As a result, more problems will arise in the follow-up, and finally this fate will naturally disappear. exhausted.

When we do ourselves well, it is difficult to predict the changes in other people's minds, and we can't control others' decisions. It is better to be mentally prepared for "everything will change" , and when things really change, there will be no change. Too much sense of loss, at most, is the feeling of "it's finally like this", as long as you feel that you are sincere and worthy of yourself at the moment of communication, the rest is really out of your control.

People-to-people interactions are also interesting. They will always open their hearts through countless encounters, and understand the fickleness of people’s hearts through countless setbacks. All of this has nothing to do with right or wrong. What do you need most at each stage and make the most appropriate choice.