Read the notes "Why are others so happy, but I am so lonely? 》

●Once I fall into "loneliness", I feel like a hole has been opened in my heart. I feel that I am not sitting or standing, and I am at a loss. In order to eliminate the growing loneliness, I have been working hard, being patient, and being more sympathetic to the people around me... But no one understands me at all! In addition, there are always "hate people" at work, and family members are very mean to themselves... why is this? Is it really possible to completely erase the "loneliness" that has opened a big hole in your heart and free yourself from the uncomfortable feeling? Actually, it can be done.

●Loneliness doesn't have to be felt when you are alone. There are people around me and I still feel lonely, and the loneliness in this situation is even stronger, which makes me panic and cry out of control. When I grow up and spend the holidays alone, I also feel the loneliness of "I am so lonely". But the real and strongest feeling of loneliness came from when I went to the meeting of my peers to meet the situation of "everyone is chatting happily, only I am alone". In addition, when "there are many people listening to other people's presentations, but no one comes to my own presentation", it really makes people feel the loneliness that is almost impossible to cheer up again. Even though he is already an adult, "loneliness" still makes him feel like crying and screaming when he was a child. Even crying and screaming just makes me more miserable. Once you fall into loneliness, you will feel like a big hole has been opened in your heart, and you will feel frustrated, frustrated, and restless. The more you try to fill that loneliness, the stronger the loneliness becomes, and you end up being forced to face "more tragic loneliness."

●The human body has a function of maintaining balance, which is called "constancy". For example, the reason why the state of anger and excitement will not last for a long time is because the "constant" function plays a role and neutralizes the excitement hormones, so that the normal mind can be restored. In fact, feelings also have a "constant" function. To put it simply, when a feeling appears, in order to restore normality, the opposite feeling will automatically emerge. The most famous of them is "Love and Hate". As the saying goes, "the deeper the love, the stronger the hatred". It means that the stronger the emotion that you thought was cute in the past, the more hatred will become when you start hating each other in the future.

●Once you are convinced that "I am alone", the reflexive thoughts such as "I will disappoint the other person" and "I will be hated by the other person" will definitely combine with the loneliness, and finally become the reason for the emotional explosion.

● "Why does loneliness become so unhappy?" The answer is actually quite simple. That's because you "take other people's loneliness as your own." There are cells in the brain called mirror neurons that "mimic the brain state of the object of their attention". Therefore, there will be a phenomenon such as "when someone around you is very nervous, you will also be nervous". If you can know "this person's nervousness has come over!" as soon as you see the other person, you will be able to say "it's really hard for him~", and the tension from the other person will become less difficult.

●Although I tried to break into the circle, I was different from everyone and couldn't successfully integrate into the group, and finally I became lonely. It is obvious from what I wrote here that the act of "finding out where I am different from others" in order to eliminate "loneliness" led to the situation of "becoming more lonely". So, just reverse the whole operation and you should be able to get rid of loneliness. If looking for differences can lead to loneliness, "find similarities with everyone" will do!

●Because forcing myself to cater to others will only make the feeling of "I am really different from everyone else!" grows under the table, causing myself to be tortured by loneliness. So you don't have to deliberately cater to it, just strive to pursue "a sense of unity" and "know more about other people!". Because I don't know other people, I feel that "I'm different from everyone else". However, as long as you understand other people with interest, there will be a result of "Ah, I agree with everyone!". Instead of looking for something different from everyone else, or forcing yourself to cooperate with others, it is to get to know each other with the idea of "pursuing a sense of integrity", so as to gain a "sense of integrity", and then bring the result of "loneliness disappeared!" .

●Even though on the surface he has always been a gentle, kind and good person, occasionally the anger of "Why do I have to be criticized like that by that rotten person!" will suddenly appear in my heart. Then he began to figure out how to retaliate, and his heart became filthy. When I find out about this, I will immediately start to reflect on my own small temperament, "I want to be a kinder person", but one day in the future, I will suddenly be furious "Why is that guy treating me so badly!" What a waste After spending a lot of time on this, I started to reflect on "Ah! I'm here again!" and fell into the same cycle.

●Why is anger entangled all the time? The reason lies in the action of "reflection". The so-called "reflection" is to look back at the behaviors you have done, make comments such as "this is not good", "completely screwed up", and make up your mind to improve. However, even if you reflect on and improve, you will still encounter real situations such as "no one understands me" and "no one agrees with me!"

The loneliness of "only myself" will make the current in the brain violently scramble, transforming into a destructive personality, and developing into a situation of "uncontrollable anger". Human beings always feel that "no one understands, and no one agrees with" their own reflection behavior, and they have no idea that others are actually reflecting. Therefore, the more introspection, the easier it is to fall into the loneliness of "only I am introspective, very painful", and finally turn into a destructive personality.

●Seeing a completely different world through "solitude-colored sunglasses". Although that light once made him unable to move, as long as he wears "solitude-colored sunglasses", he can offset the dazzling brightness, and he can make judgments and act with a calm attitude in the face of anything. The person who troubles you is also included in the "color of loneliness".

●If bad memories of the past appear in your heart, please focus on your past self, recite "recognize the color of loneliness" silently in your mind, and try to illuminate your past self with the light of loneliness. In this way, the brain network will travel through time and space, changing the past, and then it will be affected unknowingly, and the surrounding environment will also change.

~Psychological counselor/Oshima trust

~ "Why are others so happy, but I am so lonely? Japan's popular psychological counselor combines brain science and psychology to soothe negative emotions and positively develop interpersonal relationships"

~ "Who is もわかってくれない "loneliness" がすぐelimination える本"

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