Middle-aged and unemployed ___ If I want to die, can I just kill my cat first

I've thought of a million ways, and none of them are good.

I once thought that if there are parallel time and space, there are countless possibilities, is there any possibility that I am happy? The answer is no.

Later I felt better.

I started to eat, I could talk to people like a normal person, go out, work and rest, just like everyone on the roadside is doing, I started not thinking about some positive words or possibilities, when you are in this deep mountain Among them, you have no reason to expect a deep mountain. So those possibilities are all gone, and I don't even understand why these thoughts, my toes hit the ground inside the solid thing, I push a little, and it won't break or disintegrate, until I can, in awe, My weight rests on the ground, and then I take a step, and then I forget that I need to step, how fragile this place is like myself.

My time on this ground is short, and soon my world will be destroyed.

My skin has turned into a corpse, and there may be an abyss below. I'm back to being without myself. I'm a person that the whole world hates. All the stench and ugliness are bubbling, boiling and wanting to seep out. There are many sounds in my body.

If you want to die, if you can die immediately. In this way, I will not have such disgusting expressions, expressions, behaviors, thoughts, and actions. Everything related to me is broken. It's just messed up because of my existence. All kinds of hate are more annoying, most hate, super hate, I can't describe it, compared to Cockroaches are more worthy of applause and hugs, and cockroaches are even cuter.

I really want to die, I really want to be born in the first place, why should I exist? It would be great if, like John, everything or memory related to him could be erased, completely removing any traces of his existence. But I have no ability.

If my cat is going to die, what should I do? I may never find the same love for cats as I do. This is the only thing I can be sure of. It used to be the last straw for me, and it became the one that tightened my neck. Shackles, I can't beg for a good death and I can't beg for death. I realized that I didn't choose to live because of hope, but because I wanted to take good care of my cat and had to live in pain.

If I'm going to die, do I have to kill my cat first?

If you want to be liberated.

I don't know how to describe my feelings to other people.

But I know that I really hate myself the most in this universe, everyone hates me, and no one in the world likes me.

How do I become a thing that is not even dust to survive?

Thinking about living is the biggest mistake.

Really wrong.

I'm so tired.