022 | Poor me, damn TA.

This article introduces the model of Adler's psychological prism , dedicated to you who often feel trapped in the quagmire.

Behind all the grievances, there is a deep sadness .

All the violence and anger is actually dissatisfaction with the "incompetent self" .

Resentment, complaints, violence, anger, these "overt" emotional expressions are not the real problem. The real question is: "Are those needs of mine not being met? "

Of course we can be angry, we can complain, we can be cynical.

But please face yourself well afterward, which requires courage that may be several times greater than being angry.

Face yourself, face your vulnerability and your "inner absence" like a baby trying to suck. You don't have to cry like a baby for milk, it's a little childish. As an adult, it is not that there is no need, that is to erase humanity. The so-called maturity is knowing " how to express one's demands in a more appropriate way ".

There is a theory in Adler's psychology that people spend their whole life on a "self-reliance" life project. The so-called "self-reliance" does not mean that you can meet all your needs by yourself . Humans are a very socially advanced species because they are inherently fragile and unable to survive on their own in the world. (If you think about it this way, those African leopards should have a very strong heart, so envious)

This is the "survival code" accumulated in our genes for tens of millions of years. When you have to admit that people rely on other people to live well in the world, this is the first step to true "self-reliance" .

When we complain, we are expressing our "powerlessness" . For example: the boss doesn't like himself, the work is boring, the partner cheats, the work is too busy, the mother is too long-winded... It is not difficult to see from Adler's "triangular prism model" that these are all about "poor me" or "hateful" TA" .

The point is, what is written on the invisible side of the "triangular prism model"?

The answer is: "What now?"

Don't think about "extreme" destructive behaviors such as firing the boss, running away from home, and breaking up immediately. The first thing to do is to ask yourself what is wrong with you. Find a quiet environment and ask yourself, "What are my needs that are not being met?"

 If you feel that your boss doesn't like you, it may be because you want to seek the approval of others too much.
Feeling that your partner is cheating may be because you are too insecure and then chase after the wind.
Feeling that the content of the job is boring may be because the job does not match your values at all. If you think your mother is too long-winded, it may be because you think your mother doesn't understand that you have grown up.

Etc., etc.......

It's time to turn the prism upside down, focus on "what to do now" , start with "understanding your own needs" , I believe you can definitely live a happier life.

I hope everyone can gain peace and joy and become a better version of themselves.

about me:

A roast chicken that lives in the southern hemisphere.

Export Studies Instructor, ICF Certified Qualification

Committed to promoting the "output" thinking system, and using "output" to promote the growth of more people.

Contact me: milagro0828@gmail.com

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