[Peace Care] ​ The caregiver's spiritual support and love

A friend encountered a problem about peaceful care. Please help me to use the tarot to see which care method is more suitable. One of the care methods that we all think is the best, but the result card of the tarot shows "tower". The answer is not only For the way of care, the most important thing is the caregiver himself, and the state of the caregiver is the main core of the way of care. The "tower" represents disintegration and rebirth. At the moment, I was wondering why the "tower" appeared here. After understanding the interaction between him and the patient, I immediately understood the detail and subtlety of the "tower". In the final peaceful care, we and the patient have to face an event that is sure to come, "the end of the patient's physical operation". During this process, most people focus on the patient's care, but the caregiver's inner entanglement is also It needs to be seen that the physical operation of the patient is coming to an end, and the caregiver is also facing a complex spiritual journey. How can we help the person who is the caregiver, that person may be the relatives and friends around us, or we may be Own.​

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Caregivers need to understand the dying process and the suffering of the dying​

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Recognizing the dying process is a very important stage, and it will also lead to a better understanding of the patient's condition, whether physical or psychological, and because of this full understanding, we can faithfully implement the next stage.​

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Kathleen Sheen states in "The Good Walk": "The dying process is a typical via negativa." Literally a negative description, in fact it can be a spiritual transformation Road, when a patient realizes that he is about to die, from the collapse and helplessness of the heart at the beginning, and then the suffering of the body, Kathleen Xin said, "From the moment of hearing the bad news, until the moment of our complete surrender, human beings. There is nothing but suffering, and that is the nature of tragedy.” This tragedy will continue until the patient starts to face death and focus on his own spiritual world, Kathleen Sheen said that this transformation will give the patient a strong spiritual power , opens another door.​

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As tranquility caregivers, we need to recognize the point at which the path of adversity and transformation occurs. When the patient's heart is disintegrating, he will not listen to any reason. All the patient needs is "accompaniment", so that the helplessness can be willfully vented in the company of the caregiver. However, the heart of the caregiver is also made of flesh, and is treated willfully by the patient, and cannot express any obvious emotions so as not to hurt the more vulnerable patients. As a peaceful caregiver, they need spiritual support at this time. Caregivers must support this work of "accompanying" through the transformation of this dependency into their own spiritual power.​

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What is a caregiver's spiritual support? From "Love and Care" for Patients​

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At this time, the question arises, is the antidote for the stress and depression from the patient to be removed from the patient himself? This logic seems unreasonable, why not find a spiritual or religious teacher?​

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The caregiver's problem comes from the patient, and the antidote is the patient, and that's what the "tower" really means. This implication may be a bit difficult for most people. Let’s start with a story. This story comes from the fifth episode of a Korean drama “Chocolate” in 2019, the grandfather who insisted on eating fried noodles. Grandpa often clamored for someone to take him to a restaurant to eat fried noodles. One day, a female chef in the hospital kitchen took him back to the hospital after eating fried noodles. There was a car accident. The new doctor insisted that for the safety of Grandpa, he could not be allowed to leave the hospital. Go for the fried noodles. Then the plot brings out the third person "the younger brother of the female chef". The grandfather later asked the younger brother of the female chef to take him to eat fried noodles. In order to refuse to do this, the younger brother of the female chef wanted to dispel the idea of ​​grandpa going to the noodle shop, and directly exposed the facts. Tell grandpa that his son will not come, he has abandoned grandpa, no matter how many times grandpa goes to the noodle shop, it is impossible to see his son. The grandfather beat up the chef's younger brother with a cane.​

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At this time, facing the grandfather, there are three people with different positions, the female chef, the doctor and the female chef's younger brother,​

(1) The female chef knows why grandpa wants to eat fried noodles. The purpose of grandpa is not to eat noodles, but to go to the noodle shop to wait for the son who abandoned him, so the female chef wants his grandpa to fulfill his wish and take him to the noodle shop , even if his wishes never come true;​

(2) The doctor only cares about the rules of his own work, so he only sees that his grandfather’s condition is really unsuitable to leave the hospital and does not understand his needs. Even if his grandfather begged, he refused to let him go to the noodle shop;​​

(3) The younger brother of the female chef only thinks about himself and does not want to take his grandfather to the noodle shop, so he exposes the fact that his grandfather is unwilling to face it, and wants him to give up.​

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In the drama, the female chef always treats all the peaceful patients patiently. No matter how unreasonable the patients' requests are, the female chef still accompanies or helps them fulfill their wishes. The female chef's love and care mainly comes from "to treat the sick". understanding of suffering". She knows what the story behind the patient's behavior (whether reasonable or not) is. What she sees is not only the patient's unreasonable behavior, she sees a three-dimensional person with all kinds of psychological entanglements. Her patience does not come from compassion for terminally ill patients, but from her kindness and tolerance for people. Therefore, she has the same "love and care" for the cook who suffers from dementia and the younger brother who cheats money everywhere. . This three-dimensional view of people gave her strength. What she produced after facing unreasonable troubles was not complaining and exhaustion, but deeper consideration and loving care.​

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When we understand the patient's heart, the "love and caring" transformed by this understanding, and caring with this love, this is the transformation of the tower.​

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The transformation and rebirth of the tower: the upgrade and breakthrough in the face of one's own mind​

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When facing a patient at a pressure point, one must transform into "love and caring". Without this transformation, caring for the patient will only accumulate more stress, fatigue and negative energy. If the transformation occurs, the power of this transformation will not only be exerted on the patient, but will be fermented in the caregiver itself. At this time, the caregiver can feel a life renewal and no longer feel sorrow. , but more love and devotion, that is, the so-called "dedication". In the book "Dedication", Zen Master Zhang Cheng mentioned that "everyone has his role and responsibility. Doing these things with the principle of benefiting others, That’s giving.” “Giving is not about sacrificing our happiness, it’s about being able to feel that we are happy and fulfilled when others benefit from us and are cared for by us.”​

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When we donate at the same time, it means depositing our wealth and abundance. This is not a relationship of consideration. When you donate in order to accumulate merits, you cannot accumulate savings. Only through selfless love and care can you save money. As you give, your savings will become more and more abundant. The premise of love and care is to "have a three-dimensional view of people". At this time, your life will not show sorrow, but gratitude and joy. This feeling of "gratitude and joy" is a sign of our life upgrading.​

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Accompanying patients on the road of spiritual transformation at the end of their life through the renewal of their own soul

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When the patient accepts the end of his life and faces his own heart, it is also the moment when the patient begins to change. However, for most people, this moment usually appears on the eve of the disintegration of the body, which is commonly referred to as the return of light. The upgrade of the caregiver's mind can often affect the patient's mind, so that the stage of the patient's spiritual transformation is earlier, that is, there is more time to calmly face their own life and current situation, without waiting for the light to return. The time of transformation often occurs when St. Augustine said, "Being able to perceive the birth and death of the inside and outside at this moment, without making critical judgments, even if there is a delusion in the heart, it can be listened to as the sound of pattering rain. "This can only happen when you know you can't do anything and you can't move." At this time, the patient's mind will be upgraded to a state of tranquility and peace, and he will calmly accept the end of his life. And caregivers are one of the important promoters of the patient's spiritual upgrading.​

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"Tower" means disintegration and rebirth. This rebirth focuses on the "transformation and upgrading of the soul". I think this is also the best blessing and care of God and Buddha for my friend. At this important stage, give him "the tower". ” prompt. As a caregiver, it is important to take care of patients, but the premise is that you have a completely healthy self to be able to do this care work well, and this health is not only physical, but also psychological. The body can return to normal through massage, rest, conditioning, etc., but the mind needs to face it sincerely. Not every caregiver needs to face the test of the "tower", which is the process of inner disintegration. Whether you face yourself and practice the principle of "Thanks + Reflection = Dedication" on weekdays. Take good care of your heart in your daily life, and in times of crisis, you will be able to devote yourself to yourself, help those around you, and let them "walk well".​

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🌼Good book recommendation​

1. "Dedication", by Zhang Cheng, M. FAN, published by Shang Zhou​​​

2. "Good to go", by Kathleen . Kathleen Dowling Singh, Mind Workshop​