Practice your ideal life

I remember that when I first came into contact with assisted mode parenting and Segu’s self-education concept, 99% of the parents who insisted on practicing these concepts had already heard these concepts before giving birth, or their children were “normal in intelligence and have not been rated as special needs by society.” and mental retardation”, and because these children seem to have unique and visible features than “average children”; I have always had the illusion that only children who are superior to ordinary people and parents who are fully prepared physically and mentally It is suitable to implement the above idealized concept. In other words, at the time, I thought that these children and families were successful or successful because they were already "good students in my eyes" or "prepared and potential."

It is estimated that the only reason why I came into contact with these concepts at the time was that I had tried almost all the methods I could find for my daughter, such as the generally recommended intervention methods for the special needs of my daughter, and many other more partial or undeveloped methods. Proven effective methods by experts, such as bone treatment, life dynamic treatment, children's philology, sightseeing and so on. These methods are somewhat helpful to my daughter, but they cost a lot, they need to be continued, they spend a lot of energy and energy, and their daughter is reluctant to be guided... The result seems to be a percentage of the effort, and there is always a kind of reward. The feeling of "I dare not let go completely, but I struggle to maintain it".

When my body and mind can no longer support it, it seems that the assisted mode of parenting and the self-education concept of Segu are the only way out that I can try again! For years, I thought that my daughter's progress was not significant because I wasn't working hard enough; then, when I had tried almost everything I knew, I started to let go of my "belief that I wasn't working hard enough or doing my job well" , which translates into "letting go of all the concepts and frameworks that you have learned while growing up", focusing more on being aware of and feeling the real needs of your daughter at each moment, and at the same time feeling that your own beliefs and real needs are the most important work at every moment. At this moment, I can say with certainty: when you have to work hard to walk the road, it does not belong to you; when you can no longer walk and are willing to let go, you are destined and originally belonged to you. The road will open (and it has always been), and it is the road that you have always feared, but that you have been able to complete (and later discover that you have always been able to walk out of those fears).

In the ten years of daily life since the diagnosis, my daughter, who has a strong inner strength (in fact, this is the essence of everyone), has a very strong contrast with me who has been "socialized" for many years. I used to see my daughter There were a lot of "problems ~ that need to be corrected", but I never knew at the time that the problem was actually my "enlightened brain". My daughter's display of being true to herself and living only in the moment is my "source of fear"; because social education seems to have always emphasized that everyone must show "virtue", magnifying its importance to the need to "really feel every moment with yourself." Breaking up," so my daughter's overall performance is "challenging" my long-established beliefs at every moment.

Why do I believe that the assisted parenting model and Segu's educational philosophy are suitable for my daughter? In fact, it was because of my daughter’s real daily needs. I began to find out what the daughter’s behavior reflected the characteristics behind her, such as getting to know how she works as a child through getting along (re-acquaint her and remember that this is her) the same as the manual). Finally, based on her characteristics, consider whether the model concept that she wants to try can meet the actual needs of her daughter. The first thing is: whether the child has enough autonomy, space and time, emotional support, companionship, trust and respect for the child, etc. flexibility, and integrate and practice it from a humanized perspective. In the end, I was deeply attracted by the ideas shared in the Sergu lecture, so I immediately went to experience and participate in its community.

The deepest impression in the Sergu community is: No one will pay too much attention to you, you don't need to do anything to prove yourself, you can be your true self in every moment, and you can do whatever you really want (without affecting the In the case of others), the way of getting along with the child between staff and children under the authority of adults, the child’s smile and freedom to speak freely, the child’s satisfaction and self-confidence, the staff’s calmness and attention to the child, a free atmosphere, a The pictures of large green meadows and mountains and blue sky, fresh air, children quarreling sometimes and sometimes sugary beans, complaints from children, the game of catching monsters that children and staff play every day, flying kites and playing football, everyone sitting together The noise in the school, the mutual trust/solidarity/light among the staff, the charm and gentle power of the Sergu Court, the spirit of Sergu exists in every breath... I miss the kind of things that let all things develop naturally the taste...

The Segu spirit I experienced in a real environment made me begin to see the possibility of my own and my daughter's practice, because the essence lies in "letting everyone be themselves, showing themselves, protecting and valuing children's inner strength and choices, treating them equally." Respect each unique life without comparative evaluation..." It cannot be recorded, only felt.

A common way of life that pays full attention to the manifestation of each form of life is full of living sparks, inner growth, candid emotional expression, natural running-in...all in an instant. The process is like...without a definitive end/goal...at the same time...every moment is both a beginning and an end...eternally interwoven...eternally changing...eternally...

I personally think that the spirit of Segu is not just about educational concepts, parenting skills, and life wisdom... It seems to be about holistic care... A mental method suitable for everyone's growth 💗 Therefore, children who are judged by society regardless of "you" is appropriate, but a space where everyone can truly feel "love". Instead of forcing the child to be under the framework of any restrictions, let the child construct his own life according to the innate blueprint of life.

As for the assisted parenting model, it is also a way of getting along that allows me to be more sure of how to help my children without hindering their characteristics. The main ideas of this parenting model are:

1) Love yourself: parents take care of their inner needs and ease the shadows of childhood

2) Nurturing children: Parents support their children to be their true self with the greatest empathy and meet their children's emotional development needs

3) Mutual support: Parents build a mutual aid community, work together to raise their children well, and build the future together

In practice, Segu and the concept of supplementary parenting are combined together, that is, parents/accompaniers need to combine the spirit of the concept with themselves, a kind of inner incarnation teaching that radiates from the inside to the outside, this is what I am practicing feeling in. Looking forward to building the future together with parents who love these good parenting concepts and self-growth (families rated by the society as children with special needs).

Written on 18/11/2021 Facebook page: Tan's Raw and Life

#photo is my daughter's time in the Sergu community