Book Review: Ecological Observation Records of Genius Species: Commentary on Tetsuya Terao's "Bullet is the rest of my life"

Written by | Qiu Changting (writer)

Reading "The Bullet Is the Rest of My Life" is a special experience, not only because the author Tetsuya Terao and the life course of his characters are so different from mine, but also because this huge collection of short stories is like a black hole, from The first paragraph of text is firmly inhaled.

Taking the opening chapter "Planaria ∀" as an example, the first thing that comes to my mind is " Double Mints " by Asamiko Nakamura. The relationship between abuse and abuse extended from school bullying is precisely this strong sexual tension that attracts readers to concentrate on continuing. Read on to find out what exactly happens. Although like many people who love Tetsuya Terao's works, he only noticed the magic power of his works in Lin Yongsan's literary award-winning work "Interstate Highway", but "Interstate Highway" is only one of the clues in this work. Readers need to pass through several "doors" constructed by novels before they can approach the truth.

But what is the so-called truth? In the past, the academic affairs of political figures, and even the suicide of Taiwanese university students this year, linked to the "Ladder" that Tetsuo Terao also mentioned on Facebook. It is like a race for survival in the "Origin of Species".

To become a species called "genius", the condition is not only to be able to study, study abroad, and have a high-income job, but also to have the trait of "non-suicidal" among the many companions who choose to commit suicide and self-destruction , let alone homosexuality, so as to leave its genes at the top of the pyramid. However, the world at the top of the pyramid is not perfect. Instead, it is like dancing on the tip of a needle. It is full of crises. Competition, lack of inner self, self-identity... all of these can always lead to an opportunity for destruction.

Tetsuo Terao also used glass-cold, clean words to frame the scene for us, in which these rare species struggle and suffer in the prison of the story. At the same time, the use of the novel's lens and the sense of image make the whole work read like a movie, and because of the strong presence of the scene frame and the lens, the reader is more aware of the alienation from the relationship between himself and the characters in the book when reading.

Despite this, the various characters in this work can't let us let go easily, which may be because Tetsu Terao is also good at hiding hidden currents in the dialogues of characters that seem ordinary at first glance, releasing information bit by bit. If the stage for these conversations is not closed and repressed, it will be a group.

The misfit characters of the novel are often bruised and tortured by others in groups (courses, competitions, mutual aid groups, activities, sports). He is clearly a unique and isolated person, but he must be reduced in the group, change his sexual orientation, and even make a choice in life. The group is actually not helpful to the happiness of these people, but the characters are still seeking the belonging of the group. This obsessive-compulsive-like obsession is everywhere in this work, which is confusing and accurate at the same time. Different groups form a vortex, rejecting and absorbing at the same time, so that it is never possible to escape from it.

The most impressive among several novels is "Immersive Experience Camp". From the gun that appears at the beginning to the two men and women who do not desire each other but are born together, it is clear that such a combination of conflict and destined tragedy can actually achieve a satisfactory ending at the end. Perfection is true or false.

The transformation of the relationship between the characters in "Avalanche Time" with Go as the theme is really interesting. In this book, math competitions, English ability, studying abroad, exams, Go, etc. are all themes that can highlight genius. What are these mysterious creatures? How he suffered, why he decided to end his own life, or his fascination with self-abusing people became the riddles that readers are eager to answer when reading.

After reading it, I don't know why I often think of the last two sentences of Tetsuya Terao's "Interstate Highway" acceptance speech: "We have missed everything. It's like our life." As a reader, of course, I have never lived in such competition and high pressure. , but every time I pick up a painful fragment in the novel, I want to clench my fists to support these characters to continue walking.

At the same time, I don't want them to go away.

I think of Martin. Martin McDonagh's play "The Pillow Man," in which the Pillow Man's job is to go back to the time when every traumatized adult was a child, and gently persuade these children to take the initiative before any tragedy strikes. Take your own life. But in the end, even the Pillow Man couldn't bear the grief. He went back to the past to find his younger self, and persuaded the Little Pillow Man to commit suicide. When the Little Pillow Man died, the Big Pillow Man disappeared.

I saw another possibility in "Bullet is the Rest of My Life", which is also a more realistic possibility. The traumatized people still choose to embrace death after trying to grow up, but death is not meaningless in this, on the contrary, it is the development of a long road and the beginning of the story. ●( The original text was first published on the official website of Openbook on 2022-10-18)

Bullets are the rest of life
Author: Tetsuya Terao Publishing: Lianjing Publishing

About the Author: Tetsuya Terao

Born in the 63rd year of the Showa era, graduated from National Taiwan University's Faculty of Engineering. Worked as a Google engineer for eight years, and worked in MTV, Taipei, and Tokyo. The novel won the second prize for novels by Lin Rongsan, and was twice selected for the Nine Songs Annual Novel Selection.