blank time

1.
Maybe you feel the same way. Sometimes, as we walk on the road and move forward, we suddenly feel that the world is falling apart. Do the same thing, as always, but nothing tastes good anymore. Poison, bit by bit, seeped into my heart.

We used to love the sea and the sky. The sky is fair, it's vast, open hands, as long as we look up. We used to love the waves so much, even when they were slapping and threatening, but we never broke, ever. But in the end, the sea swept us down, you, me, everyone.

Where can I find you? Where can I find myself? A part of me, my whole, has been shattered and taken away by you. sink into the deep sea. That's the truest form of our life, unsteady and shaky floating on the water's surface, floating on emptiness. Then go to the end and be swallowed up by the vast universe.

There is only silence.

Since you're not here, not where we can clearly see, maybe not anywhere. I find that I am getting stronger and stronger. I can coldly watch unrelated people walk into the fire and watch them burn with flames. May the wicked be rewarded, and may God delay those who should not die, may He pour hot soup on them, and let them slowly perish on the ground. I often pray like this. after you are gone.
2022/03/06

2.
I gradually felt that my life became more and more boring.

No, it may not be right to say that; it's not my life, it's "me"... I'm gradually losing interest in what I'm doing, my job, my studies. Because, I don't think they have any value. Do you really have to do it? I did, what's in it for me?

Maybe this is the result of my "disappointment" to the extreme in the long run. Fate bestows the better ones to those who can't learn, or don't want to learn to cherish; but I am the only one left out. I desire, I work hard, I am conscientious not to hurt anyone, "I have served you all these years, and I have never disobeyed your command." But as a result, I was left behind by the future.

Even in the saddest times of my life, people still dumped me like a piece of trash. Tossed into a dark street, into a storm, and let it rain.

How can I not be angry? But maybe it's because of this feeling of injustice and anger that I can survive and live to this day. Didn't die at that time a year ago. How can I make you feel better? How could he turn around and walk away and be happy while I die? With such obsession and hatred, I barely survived. Perhaps, this is the best gift that the world—someone who has no name to me—has brought me.
2022/05/16