The first chapter of the new Chinese translation "Norwegian Forest" (refer to Lin's translation for the English version)

I was thirty-seven years old on a Boeing 737, looking out the window. The plane passed through thick black clouds and was about to land at Hamburg Airport. The cold rain in November made the ground dark and wet. The ground workers in raincoats, the flat flags on the terminal building, and the BMW billboards, etc., all looked like the background of a Flemish depression painting. . —in Germany again.

As soon as the plane lands, music blasts from the speakers in the ceiling—an orchestral rendition of The Beatles' "Norwegian Wood." I can't help myself when I listen to that melody, but today it vibrates my heart even more.

I was afraid of crowding my head, so I lowered my body and covered my face, not moving much. A German stewardess noticed it and asked me in English if I was feeling well. I said nothing, just dizzy.

"Is it all right?"

"It's okay, thank you." After I finished, she smiled and left. At this point the music cuts to Billy Joel. I looked straight at the sky above the Beihai Sea, and the gloomy clouds in my eyes reminded me of all the things I had lost in my past life: lost youth, faces that never reappeared, precious moments.

After the plane was stabilized, the passengers unfastened their seat belts and retrieved their bags from the luggage rack. And I was still on that piece of grassland, smelling a faint fishy fragrance, the wind gently hit my cheek, and the singing of birds was surrounding me: it was the autumnal equinox in 1969, when I was almost twenty years old.

The stewardess came again, sat next to me, and asked again if she could help.

"I'm fine, thank you. It's just a sudden sadness." I smiled back.

"Occasionally I get emotional, so I understand." So she got up and left with a charming smile on her face: "Have a nice trip! Auf Wiedersehen!" (German: Farewell!)

"Auf Wiedersehen!"



Even if eighteen years have passed, I still remember all the scenery on the grassland vividly. After several days of drizzle, the summer dust was washed away; the undulating hills were dyed with green vitality; the cool October wind stirred the wheat grass rushing to the top; Painted on the icy blue sky. Looking at such an empty space, it hurts in my heart. The wind leaned over the grass, and blew the ends of her hair, and then shuttled among the interlaced trees in the forest, causing the branches and leaves to droop their heads and sigh. The groaning of the wind is interspersed with the sound of barking dogs from afar, which seems to come from another world. We couldn't hear any other noises, and we didn't see anyone around, but two small birds in the shape of fire balls were startled. They take off in the grass, and follow the wind to the miscellaneous trees. As we walked, Naoko told me about the well.

Memory always teases people's temperament. The preciousness that was not noticed at the time only became moving eighteen years later. At that moment, what I thought in my heart had nothing to do with the sights. I only care about myself, only about the girl next to me and my relationship with her, and then back to myself. At this age, no matter what you see, feel or think, it will be returned to you like a boomerang. And I am still in a lingering and complicated relationship, so there is no room for enjoying the scenery.

On the contrary, the first thing that comes to my mind now is still the grassland wilderness; the smell of grass, the slight coolness of the wind, the undulating lines of the mountains, and the barking of dogs near and far, lingering in pieces Reappear in front of your eyes. It is so clear that it can be traced with fingers. But there is no one in the landscape. Naoko is not here, and neither am I. Where did we disappear? So touching and precious, where did Naoko go with me and my whole world? She couldn't even remember what Naoko looked like. What was left for me was nothing but an empty background.

Of course, as long as I wait for a while, I can still remember her appearance. Waiting for me to recall her cold little hands, cascading hair, soft round earlobes, and that little mole, to the camel hair coat she often wears in winter, until the questioning Looking at the habitual, unique voice that trembles from time to time (like speaking on a hill in the strong wind), I suddenly recalled her appearance. The profile is often the first to appear. Maybe it's because I always walk side by side with her, and her profile is the first thing I think of. She turned her face, smiled slightly with her head tilted, made a soft sound, and looked at me steadily, like looking for a small fish that had slipped away in a clear spring.

It took some time to recall Naoko like this. The days are getting longer and longer, and the time it takes is longer. Naturally, it is sad, but this is also the case. At first, it can be remembered in five seconds, and gradually grows to ten seconds, thirty seconds, and one minute. It elongates so quickly, and like a shadow in the setting sun, it will disappear forever in the night. My memory is indeed drifting away from where Naoko stood, just as I am drifting away from where I once stood. Only the scenery of the October meadow played back and forth in my mind like an iconic scene in a movie, beating my head persistently and saying: I am still here! Do you know why I'm still here? However, the beating was innocuous, and only brought an empty echo; the echo was always calm, and everything disappeared like this. And on this plane, the memory beats more and more for a long time: understand me! That's why I want to leave these words and try to get out of the trouble - I have been with words all my life.

She was talking about an abandoned well that day. I don't know if there is really an abandoned well in the suburbs, or if it's just a imagination in Naoko's mind, just like the pieces she wove by herself when she was sick. After listening to her talk about the well, when I couldn't see the well, I couldn't remember everything about that grassland. Even though I have never seen it before, I have already glued the abandoned well with the picture of the grassland, and I can tell the details of the well casually: at the junction between the grassland and the weeds, it is dark and hidden under the weeds, There is no sign of vigilance either, and it has become cloudy and milky-white after years of wind and rain, with many gaps that are about to collapse; little green lizards look into the well through the gaps, but they can't see anything. All I know is that the well is so deep that it has no momentum, so it is as black as a dark dish cooked by collecting all the black in the world.

"That's really—really, really deep!" Naoko said suddenly. She usually talks like this, slowly picking out the exact words. "It's really deep, but no one knows where it is, but it must be in this area." Putting her hands in the pockets of the variegated tweed coat, she smiled as if to say: "Really!".

"It's probably easy to get into trouble. It's a deep well, and no one knows where it is. If you fall into it, wouldn't you die?"

"There shouldn't be a follow-up. Huh———————————Bang! That's the end of it."

"Such a tragedy won't happen?"

"Not only once, but once every three or two years. Suddenly someone disappeared, and they couldn't be found. So people in this area said: It fell into a well in the wild."

"Not a pleasant way to die," I said.

"Of course it's not a good way to die." She brushed off the blades of grass attached to her coat. "If you straighten your neck and break your neck, you can die immediately. What if you just broke your legs and feet and didn't die? No matter how you shout There is no response, and no one will notice. The surroundings are full of crawling centipedes and spiders. There are all the bones left by the former dead, and the dampness is pervasive, with small halos on them, like winter. The moon—here simply counts the minutes and seconds, and dies."

"It's frightening just to think about it," I said. "It must be found and fenced in!"

"The main reason is that no one can find it. So you must not go astray!"

"Nope."

Naoko pulled her left hand out of her pocket and squeezed mine tightly. "It's okay, don't worry about you. Even if you can't get out of this area at night, you can't fall into the well. And as long as I stick to you, I won't fall in."

"real?"

"real!"

"How to guarantee?"

"I can be sure," Naoko said, still holding my hand tightly. Walk away in silence like this. "My feeling is very accurate. Although there is no logic, I can feel it deeply. For example, when I am close to you now, I am not afraid. No matter how dark and evil things are, they will not pull me away."

"That's not easy, it's fine if you keep doing this!" I said.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes indeed."

Naoko stopped walking, and I stopped too. She put her hands on my shoulders and stared into my eyes; those charming eyes looked at me for a long time. Then I stood on tiptoe and gently pressed my cheek against mine. My heart seemed to stop beating.

"Thank you," Naoko said.

"No." I said.

"I'm glad you said that, really," she said with a wry smile, "but that's impossible."

"why?"

"That's not allowed. It would be abnormal, it would be—" She closed her mouth and continued to walk silently. Knowing that all kinds of thoughts were hovering over her head again, I didn't want to break the balance at this moment, but just walked beside her silently.

"That's—because it's wrong, neither you nor me." It was a long time before she continued.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly.

"Because it's impossible for one person to guard another forever. I mean, if I were married to you, would you have to go to work during the day? Who would guard me when you were at work? Or when you were on a business trip? Who will protect me when I die? Will I stay with you until I die? That would be unfair, right? It can’t be called a relationship between people. And sooner or later you will get tired of me .You will think in the future: What is wrong with this life? Do I want to protect this woman for the rest of my life? I can’t bear this. Then, am I still in trouble?”

"Difficulties will come to an end one day." I put my hand on her shoulder and said, "It will end one day. We can make a decision when we part. Think about how to live in the future. At that time, maybe I also have something to rely on." When you are. After all, we are not living by looking at the ledger. If you need me now, just rely on me, don't you? Why do you think so anxiously? Relax, let your shoulders be more natural. The more you think about it when you are too rigid It gets worse. If you relax, your body will become lighter."

"How do you talk about this?" Naoko said bitterly.

I realized that I said something I shouldn't have said.

"What's the matter?" Naoko stared at the ground in front of her feet and said, "I know that if my shoulders are relaxed, my body will feel lighter, but it's useless if you say it! I want to relax. If I relax my shoulders now, my body will feel lighter instantly. I'm out of balance. I used to support my life like this, and now I can only maintain it like this. Once I relax, I can't recover. I may shatter into pieces that ride on the phoenix. You don't even go away Xin, what else do you say to take care of me?"

I don't know what to say anymore.

"I'm more clueless than you think—dark, cold, messy. Why did you sleep with me? And not let me go?"

We walked in the dead silent forest. There were many husks of cicadas scattered along the way. They died at the end of summer, and now they made a crisp sound under our feet. Naoko and I walked slowly along the path as if we were looking for something we had lost.

"Forgive me." Naoko grabbed my arm. She shook her head again and said, "I didn't mean to hurt you, so don't take it to heart. Please forgive me, I'm just angry with myself."

"Maybe I don't know you very well yet," I said. "I'm not that perceptive. Give me time to understand. But given time, I'll understand you completely—better than anyone else." thorough.

We stopped and stood listening to the silence of the forest. I kicked away some husks of cicadas and the dried pine cones with the toe of my shoe; I raised my head and looked at the sky that was not yet covered by pine trees. Naoko put her hands in her pockets, her eyes wandering, thinking about something.

"Hey, Watanabe-kun, do you really love me?"

"Of course I love you." I replied.

"Can you do two things with me?"

"Three pieces are fine."

Naoko smiled and shook her head: "Two are good, two are enough. The first one, I hope you can understand: I am very grateful and happy that you came to see me, although you may not be able to see it."

"Next time." I said, "What's the second thing?"

"I hope you can remember me—remember that I have lived like this, and been around you like this. Always remember?"

"Forever." I replied.

She stopped talking for the rest of the way. The autumn sun cascaded down from the treetops, dancing on her shoulders; the barking of the dog came again, and it was a little closer to us than before. Naoko climbed up the small mound, then drilled out of the pine forest, and hurried to the next gentle slope. I dropped two or three steps behind her.

"Come to me, there may be a well over there." I called after her.

Naoko stopped and grabbed my arm with a charming smile. We walked the rest of the way shoulder to shoulder.

"Really never forget me?" she asked in a low voice.

"Never forget," I said, "How could I ever forget you!"



Even so, the memory eventually faded away step by step. I forgot too much. While writing this recollection, I have been feeling uneasy because I doubted myself and wondered whether even the most critical part of memory was lost. Maybe there is a dark place in my body called the memory archive, where all the precious memories are stored in one brain, and it can only become a puddle of mud in the end. But in any case, I should guard the only memory left - the constantly distorted picture memory. I desperately recalled those images to continue writing this reminiscence. If you have made your promise to Naoko, let's repent and make it up without hesitation.

In the past, when I still had a clear memory, I had the idea of remembering Naoko several times, but I never wrote a line. Even if you understand that after the first line is written, there will be a steady stream of words listed, you can't write the first line. All memories are as clear as yesterday, but they become impossible to draw, like a detailed map, which is sometimes useless because it is too detailed. But now I understand: an incomplete container like an article is destined to only hold incomplete memories and broken ideas. And I also found that as the memory of Naoko in my mind became blurred, my understanding of her became deeper. Today, I suddenly understand why Naoko begged me not to forget her at that time. Naoko naturally understands that sooner or later her memory in my heart will be excluded, so she emphasizes: I hope you can remember me, remember that I once existed like this.

At this point in my thoughts, I am too sad to bear. Because Naoko never loved me.