Am I worthy of being a feminist after having a baby?

Note: This article was first published on the WeChat public account "Sandwich".

one

At the end of 2020, I flew to Taiwan and started Lu Pei's life. The whole year in Milan was almost wasted: due to the impact of the epidemic, Adon and I were unemployed successively. When the epidemic was the worst, we were quarantined at home for two months. Later, Adon received an art installation project for the Taiwan Lantern Festival that year, so We decided to go back to the mainland to hold the wedding first, then go to Taiwan to do the project, and then wait and see. On the day of the wedding, my mother cried loudly to Adon, who was picking her up. She felt that her daughter would have to suffer if she married far away, but Adon patted his chest under the instigation of relatives and said that he would not treat his daughter-in-law badly.

"It's all here, I can't waste it anymore." I muttered to myself, I started submitting resumes during the quarantine period, but I didn't reply after a month, which made me panic, thinking that my mother often put "women must improve themselves" on the Speaking, if I can’t find a job, my waist will not be able to straighten up, not to mention that the job is tied to other thresholds. For example, when I go to the bank to open an account, the teller says that I can’t open the account without a work certificate, and I can’t even save the money I brought. .

Seeing that I was anxious and unable to find a job, Adon comforted me and said, "Don't worry, take your time."

"Why didn't you say you raised me." I said angrily.

"Then I can't say it, I'm a Hakka." Adon said with a smile. The Hakka people traditionally pay attention to "sunny farming and rainy reading": in sunny days, farming is busy with livelihood, in rainy days, reading is education, and Hakka women never bind their feet, and they are busy farming and tea picking-this is a very simple feminism .

My Plan B is "doctorate", but when I applied for the exam, I encountered an unprecedented problem: Should Lu Pei apply as a "land student" or an "ordinary student"? I couldn't find the answer on the Internet, so I had to call and send an email to the education department. It took me a long time to receive a reply, saying that I could apply for the exam as an "ordinary student" under the premise of marriage. The implication was that I had to do well first. Wife, otherwise I wouldn't even be able to read books.

During the Spring Festival of 2021, I followed Adon’s family to the nearby Mazu Temple to worship. They habitually drew lots and asked me to draw one too. It's a good sign, and everything you want will come true. The next thing really happened in Versailles: almost at the same time as I was looking for a job, my pregnancy test paper showed two bars, and then the admission notice came.

The mother on the other end of the video looked worried: "Are you busy?"

"Try it." I said. While being hit by happiness, I realized that I was going to learn "three-ball juggling": going to work, studying for a Ph. D., and being a mother. Every ball is heavy, and I'm so greedy that I don't want to lose any of them.

Before my stomach got big, I was able to cope with going to work and studying for a Ph. D. Thanks to the epidemic that promoted home office and online classes, I saved a lot of commuting time and even had time to cook two meals a day. Adon later recalled that the happiest time was when the two of us lived together and the child was not born. In the second half of 2021, Taiwan's epidemic prevention measures have been relaxed. The boss began to ask to meet twice a week for meetings, and the professors also resumed offline teaching, which made me have to go out to squeeze the bus. Although Taipei’s MRT and buses have special seats for love, but during peak hours, the seats are often occupied. Two months before my delivery, my body swelled into a fat goldfish, and only a few gave up my seat. The people here are all gray-haired old people, which makes me feel embarrassed, while the young people always plug their earphones and close their eyes, turning a blind eye to me who is staring at me.

I complained to Adon, saying that on the way back to school, I never met a student who gave up his seat, and they were still clamoring to change the world, but in reality they refused to even lift their buttocks. Adon said that there is a generation gap between young people and us, and they may feel that they do not have this obligation, but this is also the fault of the city government, because there are too few buses from the Muzha campus to the city. I sighed, feeling that I was expecting to be treated preferentially, which didn’t seem feminist enough. I should show the momentum of “women hold up half the sky”, hold all difficulties, and play the three balls smoothly.

When the due date approached, I proposed to my boss to take maternity leave. According to Taiwan's Labor Standards Act, I can take two months of maternity leave with full pay and two years of parental leave (80% of the salary is paid for the first six months), but before the boss can speak, I hastily said that I have finished the leave Maternity leave will return to work, not parental leave. I thought this should be what the boss wanted. After all, I was pregnant as soon as I joined the job. It would be difficult for HR if I were placed in the mainland. Besides, if I take parental leave, I might slip into the abyss of "housewife". It's interesting to have work.

The boss nodded and said yes.

two

I have been working on the psychological construction of childbirth throughout the pregnancy: the ideal situation is of course natural childbirth and painless childbirth. Although the needle pierced into the spine in the painless childbirth is also scary thick, it is nothing compared to the pain of natural childbirth. It's worth mentioning that just looking at those bloody words gives goosebumps. When my mother gave birth to my sister ten days later than the expected date of delivery, she gave birth until her hip bone cracked. She grinned every time she mentioned it, but my birth was relatively smooth, so that she didn’t have any impression. She just said: "Birth Before you, I was still carrying the burden of digging well water." In 2007, it was my sister's turn to give birth. Although she was a doctor's family member, she didn't know that there was painless delivery. In order to promote a smooth delivery, she held her stomach in the waiting room. I walked around dozens of times, and when I finally entered the delivery room, I could still hear her screaming through several doors. Strange to say, even though my female family members have experienced the pain of natural childbirth, when they heard me strongly advocate painless childbirth, they still said: "It is better to give birth naturally."

Adon supports painless delivery, although the doctor said that this part needs to be paid for by oneself, and it should be used according to the situation. Due to the epidemic situation, hospitalization needs to make an appointment in advance and provide a negative nucleic acid certificate. Two days after the expected date of delivery, we went through the hospitalization procedures as required by the doctor and prepared for delivery. This is one of the oldest hospitals in Taipei. It was founded by a Canadian missionary named Mackay more than 100 years ago. The outer wall of the hospital is embedded with Christian glass mosaic murals. The nurses are all dressed in soft pink uniforms and speak softly. speak to you. Although my attending physician is unsmiling and cherishes words like gold, Google shows that he is an experienced old expert, which makes me blindly optimistic about childbirth, thinking that it will be like a TV series transition, with eyes closed and then opened, The child was born safely.

When we first entered the waiting room, Adon and I were chatting and laughing, as if we were on vacation. Adon watched the live broadcast of NBA games on TV and cheered for the goals from time to time. But when my pain hit like a tsunami, he began to fidget, and he didn’t know how to comfort me. He went to the nurse every now and then to ask if he could get rid of the pain. Half a finger was opened, it’s still not enough!” After finally getting to one finger, I was so painful that I surrendered: “Let’s just cut it open!” The nurses looked distressed and said that the doctor instructed to open two fingers. Can.

"Are all male doctors so unsympathetic?" I was angry and desperate, feeling like a donkey, and "Painless" became a carrot that I could see but couldn't eat. In the early morning of the next day, I started to have a low-grade fever. The fetal heart rate monitoring showed that the fetal heart rate dropped. This made the nurses nervous and ran to report to the female doctor on duty. He was about to sign, and Adon said that his mind was blank at the time, and he didn't expect that it would be so difficult to have a baby. After staying up for a few more hours, when it was time to make rounds, my attending doctor brought a few attendants over, and I struggled to get up and asked, "Is it finally my turn to be painless?"

The old man said coldly: "It's not necessary, it's fully opened, and I can go directly to the delivery room." Before I recovered, a strong male nurse and two female nurses had already carried me to another bed , advancing to the delivery room for the final sprint. After taking off my glasses, I couldn't see the picture in front of me clearly. I could only hear the doctor in charge giving orders full of majesty, breathing, exerting force, breathing, and the battle was over in a few minutes.

I heard the child crying forcefully. A female nurse brought him over and counted to me: "Ten fingers, not more than one, not one less, ten toes, not more than one, not one less." Little." Before I squinted my eyes and said that I couldn't see clearly, the child was taken away again. Then I continued to lie on the operating table, and heard the attending doctor and another male nurse chatting while stitching the wound, in a relaxed tone, occasionally interjecting a few words in Taiwanese that I could not understand. When I was pushed to the postpartum ward, I still didn’t see the baby. It wasn’t until Adon came back after paying the fee that I learned that the baby had to be observed in the intensive care unit for three days because of the high temperature at birth. Adon only had time to take pictures at the door of the delivery room. A photo, still blurry.

"This is different from what I previewed!" I yelled inwardly. No matter how low-key I am usually, such a big event as having a baby is worth telling the world. I have long been thinking about how to post "upgraded" photos, like a group photo of a family of three on the delivery bed. I should show a tired and happy smile. Or holding the baby's delicate little hand with Adon, decorated with beautiful stickers with the words "Welcome to the world" - who knew it would be like this?

Also because of the epidemic, the hospital prohibited family members from visiting the intensive care unit, and only provided a telephone consultation and a photo of the child after the rounds every day. Adon comforted me: "This is the best hospital in Taipei, with the best machines and the most professional doctors and nurses. Don't worry." He said that he saw the child lying in the incubator through the glass, with oxygen tubes inserted in his nostrils. The rosy complexion looks fine, but the newborn's fever should not be underestimated, and the doctors are very cautious. "Having health insurance will not cost a lot of money, so you can rest assured!"

"But I only saw his feet!" I was jealous and wronged, thinking that God didn't pay enough attention to having children before punishing me. The university I attended is famous for the abundance of yin and the decline of yang, with a male to female ratio of 30 to 70. Pregnancy is common for doctoral students, and maternity leave is also allowed. Our dean is also an elderly mother. She said that the two children will be handed over to grandparents after they are born. Be weekend parents with my husband: "I didn't pick him up until I was six years old and went to elementary school, and now I'm very close." Although I don't agree with her approach, I don't think I should put too much effort into parenting, otherwise how can I complete it What about work and PhD?

During the three long days of waiting for the notification from the hospital, I confessed to God: I will never neglect my duties again, and I will definitely be a good mother in the future. At that time, the hospital only allowed one accompanying person, and no outsiders were allowed to visit. Although Adon's parents rushed over from their hometown in Hsinchu, they could not enter the hospital to see their children. They only had a quick lunch nearby with their son. Later, my mother-in-law told me that Adon choked up when he talked about his worries about the child with them, but he pretended to be relaxed in front of me. Because the issuance of visiting visas for mainland relatives in Taiwan was suspended, my mother was also unable to come to Taiwan. Adon and I carefully reported the good news but not the bad news in the WeChat group. Two days after giving birth, I finally got up the courage to video with her. After a few words, I couldn't hold back and burst into tears.

"It's going to be fine, you should have a good rest first." Mother said. Before I gave birth, she went to the mountain to worship and asked the monk to read the scriptures, which made her look calmer than me.

The nurse in the intensive care unit finally sent a new photo of the child. His eyes are slightly open, his head is resting on a rolled towel, his hair is a little damp after washing, and the adhesive tape used to fix the monitoring equipment is stuck on his chest. It seems to be a circle bigger than when he was born - he is still very strange to me.

The nurse prepared milk powder and encouraged me to express breast milk, saying that it could provide the best nutrition for the baby. I worked hard to collect colostrum according to their instructions. At first, I secreted very little colostrum. I collected it with a small needle and sent it to Adon again and again. On the second day, the milk volume gradually caught up, and the container was changed from a small needle to a large one. No., I changed to a glass feeding bottle. When I was discharged from the hospital and arrived at the confinement center, the milk volume became more and more abundant like a confluent stream. I needed to get up and pump every four or five hours, otherwise my chest would be as heavy as a sandbag. angry. After a few days of bare-handed milking, my hands were so sore that I could barely lift my chopsticks. I asked Adon to accompany me to the nearest chain maternity and baby supply store to buy an electric milking machine. I couldn’t even bargain because of the pain. The flagship product on the poster is about to be bought. Adon took the initiative to pay this huge sum of money, which is also a rare time in our AA-principle married life that he took the initiative to pay the bill.

"If you use it for a whole year, it won't be that expensive on average every day." Adon murmured as if to comfort himself, holding a shopping bag. Using an electric milking machine is actually not as "easy to milk with a mobile phone" as the clerk boasted at the time, but at least the milking process becomes less painful. Adon was relieved, as if he had handed over an indulgence.

three

The child was finally approved to be discharged from the hospital five days after the birth. After this false alarm, Adon and I officially embarked on the road of novice parents. In the first month, we lived in the confinement center. There were nutritionists in charge of cooking, cleaning aunts cleaned the room, and nurses took care of the newborn 24 hours a day. Rest more". Adon is carefree. He eats, drinks and plays with me in the confinement center, and even watches TV dramas in the middle of the night-this heavenly life is made of money, and we only have enough to pay for one month.

The second month coincided with the Spring Festival, and we took our children back to Hsinchu for the New Year. Adon's parents bought a crib in advance and put it in Adon's and I's room. The first night was originally based on the hospital's announcement that parents and children share the same room and have different beds, but whenever the child moved, I would jump up from the bed to check. In addition, frequent night feedings were required, and I hardly slept all night. The second night changed to parent-child sharing the bed, and I still had to tense up, worrying that the adult would fall asleep and crush the baby. Social media began to frequently push me advertisements for maternity and baby products. I seriously considered one of the monitors with bluetooth. The newborn died of suffocation because he was sleeping in a separate room with his parents, and was accidentally covered by a blanket to his mouth and nose. The words weighed on my head like a mountain, so I had to give up this plan.

"It's too tiring, why don't we and our parents take turns to take the baby overnight?" Adon offered to suggest. But my father-in-law was the same as him, he couldn’t hear the baby’s cry when he fell asleep, and the mother-in-law didn’t sleep well, and her frequent waking up at night made her look even more haggard. Give them a good rest so at least they have the energy to help out during the day.

In the peaceful Chinese New Year atmosphere, I suddenly found that I became the first person in charge of the child, or the class representative of the subject of "raising a baby". When the child cried, everyone asked me what to do. As soon as the teacher asked a question, the students looked at me one after another. I have plenty of breast milk and save a lot of money for formula, which makes everyone happy, but it makes my sleep time more compressed and my back hurts. But this level of hard work is too common for women who have children: my mother had to work three shifts when she was raising two children by herself, and my mother-in-law didn't have maternity leave and gave birth to a child before returning to work. I am a woman who enjoys maternity leave, maternity subsidies and family help, am I too delicate to complain?

Adon continued his rhythm in the confinement center, enjoying the rare Spring Festival holiday. Although he also said that he felt sorry for me not sleeping well, the distress was not enough to wake him up in the sound of the child's crying. When the Spring Festival was over, he went back to work in Taipei. After thinking about it, I thought that since this father couldn’t help him, and he hadn’t had time to find a more suitable house in Taipei to move, then my child and I should live in Hsinchu first. At least my parents-in-law have retired and have time. Help, he'll be a weekend dad for a while. Adon was surprised by my thoughtfulness, but he couldn't think of a better solution, which would not affect his work and take care of his children.

"I'm not being considerate, I'm aiming at CP value." I said to Adon. Taiwanese like to pursue CP value, which means "cost-effectiveness". For example, BBS always recommends which buffet costs the least and has the best meals, but this thinking also leads to short-sighted construction, such as urban buildings. It is densely packed, with no regard for daylighting at all, and the spaces between buildings are almost within reach, and the parking spaces for motorcycles and cars always occupy the space for pedestrians. As a middle-aged literary artist who has wandered around the world for many years, Adon and I naturally have no savings, but we hope to have quality, so we can only eat the old first.

Adon doesn’t think he’s an old man: he stayed in Italy for almost ten years, during which time his parents summoned him many times and he was unmoved. Now that he’s back to get married and have children, it’s too late for them to be happy. My mother-in-law also often thanked me sincerely: "Thanks to you, he has returned to the right way!" The "right way" she said was that Adon gave up music and concentrated on being an architect. The concept of the old couple is that work is like getting married, and it is best to work in one job for a lifetime.

I thought to myself: He hasn't come back to the right path. Taipei's home is full of newly bought musical instruments, okay? If Adon had reformed, he wouldn't have attracted me. Even I am not on the right path. On the surface, I seem to be married and have children, but in fact I am distracted. I want to read a Ph. D. for a while, and I want to write a novel for a while, but I am bound by my gender. There was no moment of being alone, and the cries of a child whipped me around like a whip.

Four

After the Spring Festival, school starts, and my maternity leave is coming to an end, and the "three-ball juggling" is non-stop. Before returning to work, the boss came to me for coffee and asked me if I would put my children first as a mother. I almost subconsciously denied: "No, my family will help and it won't affect my work!" When school started, I gave moon cakes To my teachers and classmates, when I heard them lamenting my hard work, I waved my hands again and again as if being burned by a soldering iron: "It's okay, it's okay!"

I found myself in an unspeakable predicament: on the one hand, the help of my in-laws made me feel guilty, and felt that I had robbed the old couple of their old age. They used to love travel and club activities so much, but now they stay at home every day. To protect the eyesight of the children, the TV was turned off 24/7 in the past; on the other hand, their help was not enough to make me a hands-off shopkeeper. I am always on call, and I don’t have to write unfinished homework because I am busy. I still need to breastfeed, wash milk bottles, wash and dry clothes, and prepare food supplements while working and studying. I often end the day without washing my face. it's getting dark.

I complained about "time poverty" to Adon, and he asked in surprise: "Don't you have my parents?" I said, how dare I send your parents away, it's not their obligation. "Don't be polite to them, I was also raised by my grandparents." Adon said, "Didn't your mother also take care of your sister's children? If it were your mother who came to take care of the children, would you still be embarrassed?"

"I'm fine with that." I replied without thinking, but quickly felt ashamed of the reaction. During the video call with my mother, I mentioned this conversation, and my mother smiled and said: "It's only natural for grandparents to take care of their grandchildren. At that time, I felt sorry for your sister and rushed to take care of them. In fact, I didn't have my surname. what!"

"You can't convince me with this." I laughed dryly, not daring to say that her strong parenting of the baby left a shadow on me. Although it did ensure that my sister and brother-in-law went to work with peace of mind, the old people's ideas and the young people's ideas inevitably had differences. There are inconsistencies, and there are also many moments of chicken and dog jumping. Now she guides me to bring the baby through the screen, and she also said in an unquestionable tone: "Why can't you eat salt, add a little less to taste!" The seasoning is steamed, don’t be too delicious! I have teeth, how can I not eat meat!” Once I couldn’t help but go back: “How do you know that I will starve the child? I am the mother of the child! "

My mother froze for a moment: We have been separated for almost two years, and we always chat through the screen. She rarely sees me getting angry, or in other words, as a daughter, I seldom talk back to her. In the more than 20 years of growing up in a combined family, what she taught me the most is to look at the eyes, learn to behave, and maintain harmony. I can't do anything like Adon's only-child attitude.

Adon also seemed to feel my anger: "Okay, I will help in the future, just wait and see!" It didn't start until middle school, and when he was picked up and dropped off from school every day, the father and son talked in the car. It is said that compared with his mother's strict discipline, the effect of his father's nagging is much better.

I rolled my eyes: So what's in front of me? "Raised by a handful of shit and urine" is realistic enough. Before the child learns to stand and speak, who will complete these complicated and unpaid labor? Men in East Asia are spoiled. Although Taiwan uses the term "parenting" instead of "mothering", and last year adjusted the regulations on parental leave to encourage fathers to participate in childcare labor, there are still some people who take parental leave. More than 80% are women. The thankless activity of "social reproduction" can neither get them promoted or raise their salaries, nor can it make them honor their ancestors. What motivation is there to do it? Or simply hand over the task of raising babies to the factory as in "Brave New World"?

Before the child was born, I seldom criticized Adon, because the pink bubbles of love hadn't dissipated. We cuddled tightly during the long lockdown, and we never got tired of seeing each other. After the child was born, I suddenly understood those ridicules about widowed marriages, and found that he, like me, is also an ordinary human being. He will not suddenly sublimate his soul just because he becomes a parent, and will voluntarily give up his freedom and dedicate himself to love. A Taiwanese female classmate in Boban asked me how to take care of the baby. I said that it was mainly up to me, and the child’s father could not do it. She widened her eyes and said, “Let him learn!”——A man also needs education to become a father.

When I complained about inequality in front of Adon again, he was like a primary school student who had made a mistake, and said aggrievedly: "Then what do you want from me?"

I think of my mother who was a housewife when I was a child, and she often said "don't do it, don't complain", which means you don't do it, and don't complain if you do it, but I still remember her angrily mopping the floor in front of me, with a look We all owe her the look. I remembered the first day I met Adon when we talked about out-of-wedlock births. At that time, I was thinking about finding a sperm donor to have a baby. I also suggested that if he didn’t plan to get married, he should go to freeze his sperm earlier. If he is just a sperm donor today instead of mine Husband, maybe I would be more grateful to him instead? The equality I am looking forward to is to make him become like my mother in raising children, with all the care and no complaints?

In an academic lecture on "feminism and motherhood", a guest shared her family experience, saying that her husband took half of the childcare and housework, and took the initiative to give their son a mother's surname. People who knew them all praised her husband for being amazing, and the ethics scholar couldn't help but sneered: "These are what all married women do every day, even more than he does, and This is what a moral man should do, but in a world full of scumbags, he seems to be a hero."

A more radical statement is that "scumbags" are the standard distribution of men in a patriarchal society. Adon thinks he is not a "scumbag". He grew up in Taiwan, received education on gender equality, and lived in Europe for many years. He has seen many men who take the initiative to bring up children. During the short gatherings every weekend, he also found out My own method can make the child smile—although this father is more impatient than me, and he asks silly questions from time to time: "When can the baby go to the bathroom by itself?" "When can the baby play games with me?" what?"

After the baby was 100 days old, we started taking him for walks. The old streets in Hsinchu are almost the same as Adon’s childhood memory: the store signs are hung in mid-air lively, like colorful birds showing off their feathers, but at night, they are all lost to the iconic LED peacock lights of the betel nut stalls. Gorgeous electronic fireworks are blooming tirelessly, covering the busy figures of betel nut beauties; cooking fumes from food stalls along the street mix with the exhaust of cars, and are run over by roaring locomotives; what should have been a pedestrian space From time to time, a few illegally parked motorcycles or racks appeared under the arcade, and there were even store goods placed all the way from the store to the arcade. Pushing a baby stroller here has to overcome bumpy roads, off-leash dogs and oncoming vehicles - the dreaded phenomenon of "pedestrian hell" has recently been featured in the international media, with criticism directed at "car-oriented" urban transport Planning thinking, Adon was also indignant about this, and even had the urge to hold the child to shoot a video, to let everyone see how dangerous it is to walk the baby here. Although the traffic in Taipei is quite smooth when pushing a baby stroller under the arcade due to the strict regulation, in his opinion, it is still a half-baked step and a hundred-step smile, and he can't wait to drop a few bombs to destroy the old world and reshape the new world.

I said, your idea is a bit dangerous.

He said that before he had a child, he didn’t feel such pain, just like he never thought about the importance of the nursing room when he was doing cases in the past. It is very difficult to make beautiful and humane buildings under the existing rigid regulations.

I am much more patient than him about the situation that is temporarily unable to change. After all, I am still living in his parents’ home with a baby. Although I am not 100% satisfied, I can still communicate or be patient. If there is a disagreement, everything will be smashed Bad, where can I start the stove again? Besides, Taiwan’s gender equality is relatively good. For example, it actively promotes the construction of nursing rooms, and even created a special app to check the list of nursing rooms in Taiwan. I frequently borrow breastfeeding rooms in the administrative building when I go to school. Milking in the milking room, the personnel office in charge of the key said that I was the only one who borrowed the key recently, so he simply made a separate registration form for me, and just ticked it every time.

Fives

Six months after returning to work, I finally gave up "three-ball juggling" and applied to my boss for half a year's parental leave. During this period, according to the regulations, I can still receive a 20% discount on my six-month salary, so I won't panic. My in-laws didn’t have parental leave when they were young, so they confirmed with me several times in disbelief that “it’s not a resignation but they can be reinstated”. I feel that our generation’s life is better. Hearing Adon always angrily criticize high housing prices and traffic chaos They didn't take it seriously, and told him to have more positive energy and stop staring at negative news. They themselves are indeed contented and happy, even if they carry too many children, their backs are sore and their backs hurt, and they lie back on the sofa and use a massager to relieve them, and then happily get up and continue to care for their grandchildren.

"You see, it's not all hard work for them to raise their children, there are times when they are happy." Adon comforted me, "You really don't need to be sorry." He also stated that he will also take parental leave in the future to experience a full-time father , maybe there is still time to engage in music.

"Dream you!" I told him that I didn't have more time to study as expected after I took the parental leave. "The parental leave is basically 24 hours of military service!"

Adon sighed and said that their company has recruited a new female architect, she has just finished her maternity leave, and the salary she is getting now is not as high as the discounted salary I received on maternity leave. He himself admits that if he mentions parental leave with his boss, he has to be mentally prepared to leave the job.

I said this is what feminists call "motherhood punishment": "You see, the unspoken rule in the workplace is to punish people who want to be good parents." He's also the father of a three-year-old?

As my child stumbles toward his first year, I'm still searching for a coherent feminist: being sober and critical, but not living life on pins and needles. Several of my female classmates in Boban are married, but have no plans to have children. Occasionally, they would ask me how it feels to be a mother. Do you want to have children?" I said that childbearing is a personal choice. Although I already have children, I don't think that not having children is not happy, and the degree to which women have the right to choose reflects the progress of a society.

Before the adults figure it out, the child will grow up when he sees the wind, and he will clap his little hands and laugh when he sees Adon playing the guitar. This little life doesn't know what is right and what is wrong, but it tames us, as the fox in "The Little Prince" said, "build a connection." Being a mother is a door that cannot be closed, and my life has been enriched by it, despite the confusion and pain that will follow.

In the warm sunshine, the child grabbed the toy and wobbled towards me. I opened my arms and hugged him with a smile.