Release the wounds of being derailed—the implementation method is unified (Part 2)

𖤐 Sober transformation period 𖤐

"Nothing needs to be healed. Healing is not adding anything to a person, it is helping a person remove the beliefs that cause the experience of pain or injury." by Doreen Virtue

▶And liberate the next tips

Many people may dislike the word forgiveness and feel that they cannot do it, but in fact, forgiveness means more like "letting go", "release" and "freedom", not forgetting the past or agreeing with the other person's actions. (My understanding of forgiveness can be found at https://vocus.cc/article/62d18c06fd897800019790e9 )

Many times, the moment of breaking up is not the time when people really let go. Our hearts, in another time and space of our own, decide when to really release ourselves and no longer live in the past. This includes disengaging from victim roles and emotional inextricability, restoring self-esteem and a sense of freedom and independence, and being open and confident in new relationships.

As far as my experience is concerned, choosing to forgive the other person is the most comfortable self-state for me to think about and perceive, and it is also the most helpful choice for me at the time and in the future. I hope that when I fly solo, I will not think about the past Having an ex I can't forgive, especially when I realize that anger and grief has done its job (inspired firm change during the sanity period), I don't have to keep the negativity around.

You may not need to forgive the other person, and you can be very comfortable and undisturbed to be free inside and outside without leaving shadows. Everyone is different, just ask yourself: "Is this choice beneficial to me now and in the future?" This way That's it, sometimes the best answers emerge automatically as soon as we start asking ourselves questions.

It will only become true to you if you sincerely accept that it happens.

▶▶Be a situation director

Sometimes, we have been unable to release ourselves because we feel that our inner wounds have not been taken seriously, and we want the other person to know how we feel and to apologize. In my experience, my ex took the initiative to confess his infidelity and apologized and redeemed. We spent two days communicating with each other for a long time. I also clearly expressed my hurt feelings and personal boundaries to the other party. These things are good triggers for forgiveness.

If you feel that you have been hurt badly by the other party and have not had the opportunity to express your hurt feelings, you can try to write a letter or record what you want to say by recording, and treat the other party as your communication partner. There is no need to actually send this letter or recording file to the other party, because we want to allow ourselves to express our true feelings unscrupulously, and to say what we want to say in one go (not limited to the breakup event, but also to be assured throughout the relationship) bottom words). Next, imagine that you are face-to-face with the other person, expressing your message again, and the other person listens attentively and knows your feelings and thoughts. Finally, you tell the other person that you will let go of this matter and return to your life wholeheartedly. To create a better future, thank the other party for your experience, you have grown.

Try to use your heart and brain as the director, and broadcast the situation you want. The end of the whole play should give you a calm and positive feeling, and draw a self-beneficial ending.

▶▶Using prayer words

After I reconciled with the other party in my heart, I also wrote a prayer to help my transformation process go more smoothly (it’s normal to sway). When I suddenly drifted toward negative or heavy thoughts, I would say the prayers I had prepared. The prayer words are very simple, just follow the directions of "forgiveness and let go", "self-strength enhancement" and "future expectations".

"I completely forgive the hurt and pain that xxx and I have had and lingered in each other. I release all negative karma that weighs us down, fear, anger, etc., and replace it with freedom, light and love. From now on, xxx and I will recover The energy and serenity of each other, towards a more honest, positive life.” — My Prayer

The most powerful prayers are the ones that you feel the most and sincerely say, so if you can't bless the other person, don't force it, just focus on healing yourself.

Same old saying: it will only be true to you if you are willing to accept it with all sincerity.

In addition, when opening the prayer, I will call on the Archangel Michael to listen and assist, and occasionally use meditation to visualize, if you have your own beliefs, you can also use it in combination.

▶▶ Positive affirmation replenishment

The so-called "one word wakes up the dreamer", have you seen or heard anything that can break your habit of entangled and self-limiting? Gather them up, set them up as tablecloths, put them in your calendar, write them down as notes in your wallet, on your door, and let them remind you, water you, and become part of your beliefs.

"When you can live with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in life." by Eckhart Tolle (a passage from my phone screen lock image)

▶Energy cleansing (depending on personal belief needs)

The night after I broke up and moved back home, my mother cooked pig's feet for me to eat. Although I was sad at that time, I was amused by my mother's customary behavior. Whatever your beliefs, if some ritual or little thing can calm your mind or boost your confidence, do it.

I didn't go to worship or go outside to do any "energy clearing", but I would do something similar with my customary prayers, basically the same as prayers, but also with meditation.

A method that is more applicable to the general public is to imagine and feel all the remaining burdens and pressures on the body when taking a bath, all of which are taken away with the flow of water. Carefully feel the state of the body becoming more and more relaxed, and finally thank the water and yourself at the moment. (I usually also appreciate my body and feel happy enough with everything).

▶Clean up and welcome

When we decide to start again, it’s best to be in an environment that matches our mood, do a big cleaning, or even re-plan your home or room! Our hearts, living in a new home built by ourselves, definitely feel more refreshed.

At this time, our emotions have calmed down a lot. During the emotional storm, we put aside things related to the other party first. At this time, we can sort them out and decide whether to leave or return them. Regardless of the inside or the outside, everything related to this relationship that has not been dealt with should be completed, and don't leave anything that you will recall unfinished.

The process of rearranging my room not only made me feel calm, but also happy and fulfilled. The process was not completed in just a day or two (it probably took more than two weeks), but I liked the result. Like, I created an atmosphere that I liked, like I was creating happiness for myself.

When I contacted my ex to move back to the last private property, my mood was not only a little nervous, but more excited and happy, because I couldn't wait to get everything back and finish.

Moving, cleaning and arranging a new house has brought me a very real sense of ritual and creativity.

▶Focus on igniting self-motivation

At this stage, when you decide to let go of the past and make it a static history book, the identity you think of as a victim and a loser will remain at a certain moment of condensation in the past. Now, we just want to be responsible for ourselves, and from now on our inner and outer worlds are made and mastered by ourselves.

Refocus your attention on your independence, agency, and creativity. In the past, in a partnership, our focus was often on the other person, and we obtained emotional satisfaction from interacting with each other. Especially if we are in love, our senses are enlarged. Just like an addicted person, we will feel that the other party brings us a lot of pleasure. .

In fact, all feelings are reactions to "self", and we can take the same joyous perspective on the people and things around us. Happiness is one of the emotions we are born with. Try to love our own life, to create self-pleasure, and to re-experience the source of your happiness is not limited to someone, the more we have a sense of mastery over our emotions and life, self-confidence And hope will grow stronger with it.

Ask yourself what do you want for the future? Or is there something that brings you a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction? Use the extra free time to develop the skills and interests you want, start with small goals, even small things like tidying up your desk and jogging for 15 minutes, and gradually cultivate and nourish yourself.

If you don't know what your goals are, or you don't need to pursue anything, and you just want to walk on the track of life quietly, then try to find something that will ignite your positive energy. What you want may not be clear actions, but It is the atmosphere and feelings, such as a playlist that brings you warmth or courage, a collection of photos of family, friends and yourself, a small auspicious object, etc., to create an atmosphere that is beneficial to you.

𖤐Love and breakup both require courage and are also an achievement 𖤐

(The title is from the text of the book "Dear, It's Not Your Fault.")

It’s been four months since we broke up, and I realize that lovelorn is like an exercise in facing fear and loving yourself .

When I love myself, I can clearly know my own value, and there are infinite possibilities. My life has various options and possibilities. It is not a carved template, nor is it a limited-use tool, it can only be applied A blueprint for life or a person, I am not destined to be, nor are you.

When I knew that I was an existence with infinite possibilities and was willing to embrace this fact, I became more aware of the state of mind of "freedom", and I also saw what values and beliefs I held that were not in line with me, but belonged to the external reality, resulting in falsehood. fear.

Just like when we were young, we unknowingly absorbed the beautiful information of love. Society and family also adhere to the belief that love is the only way to be happy. Being single has become a state of culture that needs to be "avoided", but being single is what you want most. Want, the most comfortable way to exist, why should you be afraid of being single all the time?

The same values carry over to relationships. When people think that "owning" is a good thing, they will be afraid of "losing" and that they will never be able to have what they have lost. Instead, they fail to see the most important thing. This is really you What do you want, really satisfy you? When we are trapped in a false form of "owning", but cannot truly feel happiness in it, it is equivalent to imprisoning and internalizing ourselves.

In fact, having a relationship is also equal to losing some possibilities, and losing a relationship is also equal to having some possibilities . Possession and loss are two sides of the same coin. It just depends on how we look at it. If we understand this matter— all possibilities are Among our choices, the most important thing is to be responsible for ourselves, to experience, explore and create the life and world we want.

Maybe one day you will be disappointed again, but not despair; have the courage to believe in the promise and the courage to accept the truth.

Painful emotions and fears will still exist, but they will float and disperse like clouds and will not stay for long.

We will eventually understand that in love fairy tales, there is another kind of happy ending, which is that the two are free to live happily ever after ;)

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