The so-called "love incompetence"

The last time I had such a profound feeling when I watched YouTube was when Lao Gao said about Adler's video. This time I had a deep feeling about Vincent's story of "When Love Becomes Obstruction."

The film mentions many reasons for the formation of incompetence in love, including the influence of family. Many people have been forced to become "little adults" since childhood. They have learned to suppress at the wrong age, and they do not understand that expressing their feelings is a very natural thing. .

Today, instead of talking about the content of the film, let's talk about the memories that this film brought back to me.

At what age do we learn to suppress? It's being rejected by parents when they see a toy they want to buy, or when they ask them to take us out to play, and parents reject their younger self because of work.

I remember that when I first learned to suppress, I was in a music class. The teachers in the music class were all elites. It was bound to hand over future music talents in this star school. At that time, I never thought about taking music as a lifelong career. , However, one of the classmates around me are all aiming to study abroad. Compared with such classmates, I look out of place.

In this comparison, I gradually became the object of ridicule in the class. At that time, I just thought, "Ah... I have to go to class again, and I have to worry about being scolded again." Every class is like a lottery, and the probability of not being scolded may be higher It was hard to get a 6. Watching the senior student who was in class in front of me walk out of the music classroom crying, the psychological pressure was inexplicably huge.

What impressed me the most was that the teacher said that I would "roll my eyes" at her, but in fact she was referring to the kind of eye-rolling, not the kind where my eyes roll to the back of my head after she said a sentence, but that I would look at her after she finished speaking. In other places, windows, pianos, music stands, floors, walls, etc., I didn't know how to deal with it at that time, let alone watching the other side scolding each other.

This is the "repression" that I learned for the first time. In the face of accusations from elders, I can't have any ideas. When I encounter something I don't want to do, I am forced to do it well. When I don't know how to face the ridicule of my peers, avoidance is the best way. Good choice, I spent two years in this environment.

I don't want my future children or anyone to experience a childhood like mine. It was really painful at the time, and since then I gradually kept a distance from everyone around me. I felt that my true self was not accepted. I long for the understanding of others, but I am afraid that others will leave for any reason after understanding me, so I maintain a close and distant relationship with the people around me.

Because of "suppression", when I was a child, everyone always said that I was good-behaved and polite. I greeted people and bowed when I saw them. When I saw my elders and peers, I would say hello. Sometimes suppressing myself will bring good results, and sometimes it is uncomfortable. , but even if I feel uncomfortable, I hope that the people around me are well and have a happy smile, so "repression" has become a habit and my way of pleasing others.

Gradually, I discovered that I have a lot of obsessive-compulsive behaviors. For example, when I walk, I will pay attention to where my left and right feet are relative to each other. I am more sensitive to emotions. When I smell certain smells, I will hold my breath. I can't breathe, things must be symmetrical, I can't help but keep scratching my hair and smoothing it out.

There are more and more things in my life that make me feel mad, and things that didn’t really matter have become tense. , The emotions that cannot be told, every word I want to say, every concern, every grievance, are suppressed in my heart, forming an indescribable me.

I don't hate people, I just don't think they deserve forgiveness.