"courage."

Date: 2021.10.12

Location: Kaohsiung City

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Today, I paid the 24th redemption deed, plus the 130,000 paid before being discharged from the army, I have paid 590,000, but not even half of the "ransom". When you pay your redemption deed every month, always ask yourself

"Is this life what I want?"

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There are two types of military academies to be discharged from the army after graduation. The first is to go to the hospital and leave after being determined to be sick and unfit for the army. Before 2019, this is the only way to be discharged early. The second is that after 2019, the state finally agrees with us that as long as we pay for the birth, we can redeem ourselves from the army.

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I chose the second one. In fact, you can go to the hospital. A while ago, a senior student who was discharged from the hospital wrote that she started her life again with 3 million yuan after she was discharged from the army, but she chose to use the buyout method. Life is true to a certain extent. "restart".

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Some of those discharged from the hospital were really sick, some were not. I really don't want to be a soldier anymore, but I'm lucky not to get sick, and I don't want to pretend to be sick, so I choose to lose money, even if the cost is that my life may have to start all over again. In fact, you can pretend to be sick, but pretending to be sick seems to admit that you are really defeated by the system to a certain extent, and you don't want to admit defeat, so you have to live with money. After all, "money" is a belief recognized by everyone in this generation, as long as it is solved with money, It seems like things just naturally make sense. I paid and seemed to win a little.

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I remember that before I was discharged from the army, when the director of political warfare was in a meeting, he always called my name and said to everyone:

"You junior brothers and sisters, don't always run to the hospital for me to be discharged from the army. Look at your senior Zhihui, he is really a man!"

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When I was just discharged from the army, I said that I spent 1.3 million to buy freedom, but now I still feel unfree because I have no money. Perhaps what I really bought myself was not freedom, but "courage". At the moment of the memory, I am very satisfied, and the courage I bought seems to be quite valuable.

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Those who go to the hospital to be discharged from the army, whether they are really sick or pretend to be sick, do not really admit defeat. The reason why I didn't have to go to the hospital was just because I was lucky to have another option to choose from. Those who have no choice are betting that they may be labeled as defeated by the system by everyone who knows them around them, but even so, insisting on leaving and living the life they want is not easy. . And to put it bluntly, the reason why I chose to lose money is just because I don't want to be labeled as such.

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I have always been said to be a very "courageous" person, but in fact many times I don't know what it means to be courageous.

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Some people say that the so-called "courage" is the willingness to choose what one really wants at any time and in the face of anything. But two years have passed since I bought the courage and kept chasing the so-called "life I want". Although life can be called satisfying, it doesn't seem to have really achieved the "life I want" set at that time.

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Sometimes I wonder if there will never be a "wanted life". After all, goals will never be permanent goals, and those "wants" are just what they wanted at the time. Although I am not living the so-called "life I want", I feel satisfied. Perhaps the "courage" I bought back then was not actually bought to allow me to choose what I want, but to be able to reject what I don't want.

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In the second year after being redeemed and discharged from the army, the life I originally wanted is now no longer what I want. I still don't know the life I really want, but I hope that even if I don't know it, I can continue to be a brave person.