Dear parents, can you not frustrate your children?

Last month, it was the first time I participated in the book lottery activity on Facebook. I didn’t expect that I only had one place and I was lucky enough to be selected among more than 100 netizens in the comments, and it was written by an author I like very much. For the new book, I felt very lucky and grateful when I learned that I was selected in the lottery, so I shared this joy with my mother during the Mid-Autumn Festival holiday.

The mother smiled and said in Taiwanese: "There must be no one participating?!"

I couldn't help laughing back at my mother: "More than 100 people participated! And only one copy was drawn!"

Mother let out a "wow" and didn't say anything more.

Such a brief mother-daughter conversation reminds me of the conversation I once heard between a guest and his son on a talk show.

The general idea is that the son was very happy to tell his father that he got the first place in his class in the exam, but the guest (father) replied, "Hah! Your class is so poor?"

As soon as the guest said something, he regretted it! He reconsidered that he shouldn't have done such a blow to his son's confidence, but the words of apology were too hard to say.

These two examples have one thing in common, that is, it is difficult for parents to sincerely bless and encourage their children in the first place, and they always use demeaning and contemptuous words to discourage their children , as if they are afraid that their children will be too proud. It is the reflex language of traditional parents. Even if they feel happy for their children in their hearts, they are always at odds with each other, and they spit out unpleasant words first.

However, how does such a response affect the child? In fact, I think it depends on the child's personality. If the child has a cheerful and confident personality, he will not easily affect his mood because of his parents' negative words. On the contrary, he will refute the parents' re-emphasizing the facts, but if the child is a comparison If you need to be affirmed or sensitive, you will feel that you are not trusted by your parents, and you will even feel discouraged by your parents' reaction. If similar things happen in the future, you may choose not to share them with your parents.

When we were children, we all longed for the affirmation and encouragement of our parents. Why do we find it difficult when we become parents ourselves? I think it may be that childhood has not been in a positive environment, and it is naturally difficult to spit out words of praise for children, right? !

The principle of "to do a good job, you must first sharpen your tool" also applies to language expression. We can try to find out the advantages of others in getting along with our peers, and give it to others when they share joy with us. Positive support and encouragement should be gradually applied to the communication with family members who are more difficult to talk about. If family members are gradually accustomed to hearing our positive language, they will naturally be affected and have a positive interaction.

Now I pick up the children from school every day, and listen to the children talking about the various things in school. I am always happy with the children's happiness and appease the children's worries. When the parents and children can first achieve emotional empathy, it is possible to have a pleasant dialogue.