Middle-aged unemployed ___ full-time job as rice bug monthly report 2021.01

It's been a month since 2021, and I want to review what I've been doing this month (there must be other deeds besides spoofing!) In addition, I also record about my health and financial situation, as well as my insights and discoveries new things.

The rise of depression

I go to see the physical and mental department every month, because there are many people (really unexpected!), so every time I have to go to the line at 7:00 in the morning and start at 9:00. When I first went, I was actually very scared. There were so many people, and I felt thin-skinned and felt that I was not good at anything. It's very risky that everyone is a good person, and they won't have too much contact with me, so that I can go to the doctor more freely.

 4 pills, 2 episodes, many low tides, nightmares, repeated lucid dreams, aggravate the forgetful old man

To sum up the above, this is my data description since this month. After gradually adjusting the medication since the end of last year, I am now taking 4 pills a day. There are serotonin-boosting drugs, mood-relaxing drugs, drugs related to digestion and depression, and drugs for depression and nicotine dependence. I started taking this medicine at the end of last year, so I still had 2 more uncontrollable attacks in early January.

One time when I went to eat Sanma's stinky pot, I don't know why my reaction and thoughts were a little out of control, but I simply knocked over a bowl of soup and sprinkled it on my hands and feet, it was so hot! Although my family was by my side, I had a lot of thoughts in an instant, and all kinds of emotions and past situations entangled me like an evil spirit from hell and dragged me down. I didn't know what I was doing outside that day. I felt that everything was so disgusting, and I went home and cried until I fell asleep at night.

Another time I don't remember the reason at all. Maybe there is no reason at all. I just cried. It was very similar to when I first got sick. I felt that everything was devastated and depressed, and sadness came from it, and I cried for a while. There are also some low ebbs that can be self-controlled, and overall a lot of progress.

I slept extremely badly at night, and my lucid dreaming seems to have become more serious (I will tell the doctor next time), and the thinking and actions in the dream are synchronized twice in real life. One time, I was chewing on food, and I was applying a mask at the time. I felt my mouth open and bit it, and then I woke up and couldn't tell the truth. The other time I was in a nightmare complaining about my heart, screaming hysterically but like a transparent person, I screamed out that night, those accusing words rushed out of my dreams and echoed from my mouth in the air. I was woken up again, very loud, even my sister asked me what was wrong afterwards (he was also woken up QWQ).

Poor memory is nothing special anymore. But it started to get worse in January, I even had to take a shower and stood in the bathroom in a daze for a while and couldn't remember what should I do? Really at a loss, in a dilemma. How to use the shower head in hand? who I am? Where am I? what am i doing? Finally asked my sister for help, he reminded me to wash my body with shower head.

Parasitic third-rate economic sources

 Spend 5,000 yuan, earn 8,000 yuan in interest + about 3,000 yuan in wealth management, and find a part-time job

Since returning to Taiwan, I have lived a life of parasites. Especially at the beginning of the isolation, a person lived in a secluded room, only opened the door when no one was around and brought the food prepared by the family into the room to live. After the 14-day quarantine, I still stayed at home and dared not go out. Rent, water, electricity, and meals are all dependent on the home. My personality doesn't dare to be a rice bug for granted, so I plan to deceive myself by sharing the housework and trying to get a job. Due to stomach problems, my parents said that raising me by myself would not make any difference. My food intake was one meal a day, and if measured by dumplings, I would eat 5 dumplings a day.

So most of my expenses are the cost of raising cats. The biggest item is cat food, which costs about 2,000 yuan a month. Because cat litter has been hoarded a lot before, and the amount is not large, it may not need to be replenished after half a year.

Then there are the most annoying national pension and health insurance premiums, although they are paid every other month, but I can't bear it! It's about 3,000 yuan a time. In order to get rid of this predicament, I have been looking for part-time jobs, hoping to pass on the company to partially cover these expenses, and at the same time, I also have a small income from part-time jobs. But my melancholic illness and the neuroticism of wanting to fold myself in half and turn it into a dust piece kept me from starting this step. Taking advantage of the recent improvement in my condition, I will get rid of such procrastination, and the goal is to find a part-time job.

The income part feels good, but it's not the norm, it's all irregular. A former friend had a case in their company. Because of the friend's recommendation, I took 2 cases. They are all of the nature of integrating data and research, editing manuscripts and translating Chinese to English, etc., about 10,000 words. In terms of hourly wages, the two cases received a total income of 8,000 yuan. (The cost of one of these cases will not be disbursed until early February).

Interest and financial management have been planned since last year when I decided to leave my job and hide at home. I pulled up an excel sheet to calculate the interest rate and interest every day, and looked for some conservative products to invest in and try. At present, the main force is the distribution of interest. The preferential interest rate of RMB time deposit accounts for about 70%. The other source is the interest rate of digital accounts emerging in Taiwan, which is much higher than the interest rate of traditional accounts. (In January, I kept moving money to different banks for deposits hahaha). A lot of financial management is the fixed-rate savings insurance purchased about 7-8 years ago, and the short-term fixed deposit of virtual currency that is currently being tried. Although these expenses are income, they belong to the part that cannot be used.

What do you usually do?

 Internet monthly traffic 150G
Endless Korean dramas, daydreaming with Han Zong, talking to cats, playing mobile games

In the past month, the internet usage of my mobile phone is about 150G, because both the laptop and mobile phone use the traffic of the telecommunications company. I like a short series, a story that knows the end point, and I hope I make a movie or a book, and don't have to live my life trying to find the end.

I have watched almost all of the Korean dramas that are on file, and I usually watch the topics I am interested in first, and then watch other ones to pass the time. Han Zong is the one I have been in touch with since college (Gu Zaowei). There are programs with Liu Zaishi that you can hardly miss, and PD Luo’s series I like very much. There are many reality variety shows in Korea, such as driving to camping, or sailing around the sea for a week, etc. I like them very much.

My favorite is a series of brain-burning variety shows a few years ago, from seasons 1-4 of The Law of Games (classic must-see!) and related puzzle-solving reality shows produced by the team, scripted crime scenes, etc. In recent years, there are The Great Escape Season 1-3 (every season is fun and hilarious), Netflix's Busted Prisoner is You Season 1-3 (Season 3 was released last week!), these variety shows make me feel a sense of alienation and participation, I feel very Peace of mind and reassurance and a little bit of fun.

Sometimes when I'm in a good mood, I daydream. For example, when looking at the job vacancy website, I have already begun to weave the situation of myself going to work. To be honest, daydreaming will be very empty when you are awake, and there may be more negative habit memories in your later reactions, but occasionally, give yourself fake hope.

Playing mobile games and talking to cats are the more real aspects of my life. It is not passively receiving information from movies and TV, nor is it a desire that is divorced from reality, but a real life. Feeding cats every day, shoveling excrement diligently, and small mobile games of Buddhist liver management and healing are the few behaviors that I actually live.

The interaction with the cat is very close. Recently, every morning, the sea ginseng has to jump on the thigh to pat the buttocks, and then roll over on the lap to sleep. I have to hold him with my hands to prevent him from rolling off the ground. Now he still grabs me a work chair and squeezes my ass to the edge (the edge of the ass is also very edge), but my heart is warm.

February starts! Hope I can make more progress in February than I did in January! Take more cases (I have been thinking about whether to be cheeky and go to the Facebook society PO, I want to accept the article, but I am really ashamed that I have no skills), I also want to learn some skills, I hope to be free from the current mochi (6 yuan / piece) Can progress to boiled corn free (20-25 yuan / root)! In Taiwan, if you can get satisfaction in your heart, it is actually very easy to achieve financial freedom. The simple and ordinary life is my life (there is still distance, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)!

Let's make it together!