Essay｜Writing in the rain, when do you feel tranquil and noisy at the same time?

There were bursts of roaring sounds in the distance. Is it the thunder that stirred the fire? Although it is often referred to as being out of control when the two meet again because of their mutual affection, in fact, Tianlei and Earthfire are arranged in the same sentence, and you can see the grandeur of that scene.

At this moment, although there is no ground fire outside the house, Tianlei is faintly making noise outside the house separated by a wall.
But in fact the most noisy is the rain.

I once said that I don’t like rain. The rain reminded me of the memory of when I was left by the wall of the elementary school. In the torrential rain in the afternoon, I began to doubt my own background and began to put my grandmother’s words “from garbage Picked you up from the car." This is true.

In fact, if I think about it carefully, if my grandmother was not willing to pay for my milk powder diapers, I think I should not have lived so long, right?

So, rain is sad for me, it is sad for me , it is like an extension of the heavy rain in my childhood , and it extends to today, more than 20 years later, a feeling in my heart. Parts are still trapped in this heavy rain, for rain. I have endless sadness.

The sound of the torrential rain falling on the ground is like the end of a big drama, and the farewell to the crowd's applause. It is a kind of commotion before returning to silence.

Years ago, I hadn't thought about whether I wanted to write or not. I just instinctively wrote some words to relieve anxiety at other times besides thesis writing. I created a name "Kris Wu" for my anxiety, which is funny, after I created the perfect image of him, I actually thought he was cute.

I once opened a file in the computer folder and named it: "When will you feel both tranquility and hustle and bustle at the same time" , but now I open it, but there is not a word in it.

Maybe I felt something at the moment, but because of time, progress, and pressure, I didn't realize it in the end.
Looking back, "When do I feel peaceful and noisy at the same time?"
Why are two conflicting nouns in the same sentence?

The thunderstorm this afternoon came late, and I got up late tonight.

Although many writers follow the work model of going to bed early and getting up early, and I myself have experienced the benefits of waking up early and feeling extremely rich, but in the end I just couldn’t maintain this habit for a long time, and sometimes it was noon when I woke up.
And me today.

In my dream last night, I fled in a dictatorial country. Originally, I was brewing to overthrow the system with my best friend, but in a meeting, our ambitions were revealed, so we were chased by agents and fled.

In the end, in order to let me escape, he played the Moonlight Sonata alone under the pure white piano in the hall, helped me drive away the pursuers, and died alone.

what! Now I think about it, last night was also a rainy day.

Outside the house in the dream, I saw a large group of people who came and went, like me, wearing grey civil servants' overalls, walking by the road with their faces lowered. I also lowered the brim of my hat and followed the crowd.

I knew my best friend died, and I didn't cry as I walked out of the house where I could no longer hear the sound of the piano and the rain that followed on my face.

At this moment, the heart is noisy, but on the street where the crowd is walking quietly, it is extremely quiet under the cover of raindrops.

When I woke up, I just felt tired, dazed in front of the computer, let the light of the screen crawl across my face, my brain was numb, as if I was still trapped in a dream.
A thunderstorm at 4pm woke me up.

"I want to go see the rain." I suddenly had this thought, stood up and walked to the door.

The daytime in Chiayi is always scorching hot, and the ground is always like a hot stone. Whenever you go out, you can feel the pain of burning up and down. I always imagined myself as a fat slate goat pork, and this image is very vivid.

But at this moment, on a rainy day soaked by heavy rain, the air seems to be full of water as a sponge, and all the moisture is blowing, but at the same time, it also swept away the sultry feeling during the day.

I like.

I said this to myself in my heart, rain is also a redemption for me, the steaming, churning, unchanging heat is quenched, and rain brings change.

Rain also brings tranquility.

The heavy rain is galloping on the ground noisily, and the distant thunder is faintly sounding, but it makes me feel a sense of tranquility. I think this moment is the time when I wrote "I will feel both tranquility and noise at the same time" many years ago. ?

Looking at the sparrows sheltering from the rain under the eaves, watching them hop and hop across the iron pole, I slowly approached the door, and my ears also heard their voices, chirping incessantly.

Looking at them hiding from the rain, they always keep me away from thousands of miles under the condition of clear sky, but at this moment, I and it, who are separated by a frosted glass, seem to be here for the rain, we All were left behind by this rainy banquet, and we were all guests.

So the originally quiet eaves, but also has a hustle and bustle.

I love this rain, I said to myself in this moment.

After so many years of rain and collisions with my family, I have not forgiven them from the bottom of my heart, but I also don’t want to torment myself because of it. I have learned to let go, and I have learned to choose to let go in the friction between family members. Let go of my attachment to my family, my expectation and love for my family. Only in this way can I protect myself and prevent myself from being hurt again.

Just like that afternoon thunderstorm near the gate of the elementary school, I didn't want to be left behind, so I decided to walk into the rain, let this tranquility and hustle hug me at the same time, and let me be myself in the rain.

I love this rain, even if it is not as tragic and hard as in the dream, it still brings peace to the world,
Wake me up from a dream wake me up,
I rejoiced back to the real world in the shaking, I knew that at this moment I am me, I am not anyone, and there is no need to feel sorry for the pain of others.

Not to mention being devastated by a dream.

Ultimately, I guess rain is just rain!

I found peace in this rain, I felt the hustle and bustle of my heart in this rain, I had a lot to say, so this rain gave me redemption, let me concentrate on galloping on paper, and think about everything in my heart Say it all at once,
Let the paper carry my words.

Like the earth receiving the endless raindrops.

Rain, just rain.