Self-confidence, and their origin <2>

Here is Mr. A. In the last article, I mentioned that a large part of self-confidence is equal to how many choices you have, and "choice" is basically "the ability to say no". And since it is "ability", it means that it can be cultivated just like skills such as painting and running. So today I will talk to you about "how to develop the ability to refuse".

I've seen it a lot: ah, if you encounter an unreasonable request, just refuse it, just be yourself and don't care what others think... etc. In fact, it is tantamount to asking people with depression to think a little bit. I feel that as long as I think like a normal person, the problem will be solved naturally. But think about it from another point of view. Would the parties in the predicament not know that there is such a way to deal with it? Presumably in this state, other factors are usually pulling strongly with reason, which makes it difficult to make an objectively more effective decision.

In fact, "rejection" is not simply like a muscle. As long as you go to the gym every day, you can get bigger and stronger. So how do we cultivate the ability to "reject"? The principle behind it is actually very simple, that is "value". Think about it, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, would be willing to spend five seconds bending over to pick up a hundred dollars that fell on the ground. When given a choice, it's natural for you to rule out options that aren't good enough.

That is to say, to cultivate "the ability to say no" is not to keep rejecting others until it becomes a habit, what you should do is to give yourself better conditions, and better conditions will give you more choices. Once you have more options, it's only natural to reject options that don't suit you.

Speaking of self-confidence, I mentioned earlier that the lack of self-confidence leads to the fear of being rejected and the actions of flattering and disguising to hide the true self. The most fundamental problem is that I think I have no ability (value) to stand up again after being denied or rejected, and find the next person who recognizes and appreciates me. There is one point worth noting, I said that "I think" has no value. Many times it's not really bad conditions, but because the brain's instinct to avoid fear and personal past experience cause you to misjudge the situation and make the wrong move.

So, how can you be confident? Back to the basics, "act, then fix" . Like a newborn baby learning to walk, he keeps trying things that are unfamiliar, trying to get rid of what he has, correcting mistakes, and reinforcing what is right. This is also the way humans are born to explore the world. At the same time, any experience in the process will be solidly stacked into the tower called "confidence".

Therefore, if conditions permit, if you want to try something new, you can freely combine various combinations such as learning talents, fitness, and socializing, just like talent and skill points in role-playing games. What’s even better is that there are so many possibilities online in the real world that no guidebook can cover them all. As long as you find the right method, practice it yourself, and stick to it, you will eventually be able to match a genre that is not someone else’s, but your own. It is precisely because this thing is "exclusive to you" that you must be someone who understands and believes in the value of this thing better than anyone else. And this is what I call "confidence".

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