An afternoon of a wfh day

It is a boring and hot afternoon. Not much work from my current job. Every day is the same and I need to figure out different ways to kill my time. I know it may be some good news for some people. For me, it was, but after I realize no meaning from the works i am working at. I turned to be less passionate. And now, I even fed up with it.

I'm trying to look for a part time job from a job board in this afternoon. hmmm...seems nothing fits so far. How long I need to trap in this type of life? I know, i know. People like my mom always said, you should be grateful for what you have, you have a good job in this hard time when many new immigrates don't have a stable job. Indeed, the job helps me a lot and i am also very happy with what i own right now. How come I'm still having so many complaints and always seeking changes. It must be something missing. A missing part in my life and I have to pursue it.

It might be a bit hilarious for a almost 30-year-old "kidult" still being so puzzled with her life. Expectations at that age are supposing to be successful ( well, what's the definition?) and having a family but at lease the person should understand the future path and tend to be stable, like getting marry etc.) I don't know. none of them is on my bucket list right now. I am struggling with my bills each month and feeling tired for making the ends meet. hmm...maybe not that bad. The point is I am always worry about money.

Actually i dont know if it a myth or going to be happen. I feel like if i stop working, my life will be so freaking tough and i can't pay my rent and finally being a homeless. This fear keeps echoing in my mind and holding me back.

I promised myself to have a different type of living style in Canada when i was still in Hong Kong. However, i failed to make it. Life is no different. But like the song "the circle games",

"We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game."