Formal Diary | Narrator

A while ago, I experienced a low ebb. In real life, I was "incapable" to meet any friends for nearly two months, and once lost the vitality of life. The only human being who has the courage to go out to meet is a counselor.

I saw a friend I haven't seen in a long time today. In fact, to be correct, it is a long-lost "relationship". We didn't have many interactions in the past; I never thought that we would meet again because of "similar issues" in our life. There are many emotions in my heart.

In this day and age, being able to talk face-to-face for hours without either picking up a phone to check a message is very precious to me. During the conversation, I occasionally saw "your own shadow" in the other party's words, and in the process of chasing the shadow like that, I even saw a shimmer of light behind her; and the light reflected the identity of "survivor".

If "aphasia" is compared to past experiences of telling others about traumatic events, the survivor community (although there are only two people at the scene of the conversation today) is the emerging "narrator."

I think it's a metaphor that is both intimate and cruel.

When my trauma had to rely on other people's "narratives" to make up for my aphasia, it was precisely because the environment I grew up in did not teach me how to seek help when my sexual experience was traumatized. The definition of "acquaintance sexual assault" Absence from education, and the overall social atmosphere may not allow victims to "appear".

If I use the word "coming out" as a metaphor for declaring my "survivor" status to the world, I may have just stuck a toe out of the dark side of the closet. This state is extremely contradictory. Fear of being seen.

I think we still have a long way to go.

Maybe the word "future" seems empty and fragile, but don't forget to take good care of yourself.