convention (overloading)

3900 words

(I) Agreement, representing a faithfulness, reflecting a person's character such as honesty and credit. In the world of children, hooking a finger is the sign of the agreement. In the adult world, signing a note is an agreement. And God made a covenant with human beings, not a colorful rainbow, or a "Bible" as heavy as a brick.

Once, I was very obsessed with "promise". Those who read the testimonial article "How the Lord Transformed My Dry Soul" later said with seriousness, "I shall not let you live". So, I wrote an article to share how I think about "commitment" after conversion.

The fact that I attach so much importance to Xinnuo is probably related to the injury caused by my mother's repeated untrustworthiness.

There was a time when I was so sensitive to sudden hangups that I needed someone to say "Bye, Bye" first (not now.). Because every sudden hang-up, it will immediately "flash back" to the following scenes:

When I was in the third year of middle school, my mother left with a suitcase, and the moment the iron gate was closed, there was a "bang" sound. I said, "Can I stop going overseas?" I said, "No, I need money." When I was a fifth grader, she promised me to come back when I was a third grader. In the end, I could only watch her back; she later said that she would come back to attend the graduation ceremony when she was in sixth form.

When she arrived in Form 6, she said, "The air ticket is expensive and I won't come back." "Everyone else has to go to work, how many parents will come to the award ceremony."

There was a general education class in my senior year, and I was very persistent in wanting to take that instructor's class, because he was easy to give an A, and it was said to be more inspiring. That year, I took his class during the depression period, but by then my body had gradually deteriorated to the point where I could not take care of myself. So, in the end, out of desperation, I retired.

Later, during the period of delayed graduation, I took the class taught by that advisor again. Because it is a student who has delayed graduation (Retake), the school's mechanism is to ask the tutor for an extra seat and add his own name to it. At that time, the tutor said to me, "Are you really going to hand in your homework on time? There was a big shadow last time." I wanted to prove that it was different (at that time, the depression had improved, and I was no longer completely incapacitated). state), with a determined "um".

So, even though I was living in a temporary dormitory (similar to a shelter) at the time, there were a lot of restrictions: I always missed the short-term use of hot water in the dormitory due to schoolwork problems, and took cold showers (the knee injury was aggravated as a result). After turning off the headlights in the dormitory, I did my homework with the dim yellow light (I used some special methods to generate light, and I deeply understood Ouyang Xiu's stealing light from the wall), and my feet were still beside me. I don't know how many mosquitoes Kissing (it really tickles me). Even once, because I had to accommodate the various rules of the dormitory, I was only able to sleep for one hour (I also tried to spend two weeks in the library, so as to concentrate on my studies) to complete the report of the class, and I fell asleep on the sofa of the university. inside. At that time, I still needed crutches to walk, but when I was in a hurry, I didn’t even need a crutch. I ran as usual (at that time, the medial collateral ligament of my right knee was slightly torn), even though I had been injured by my family social worker at that time, I also followed own agreement.

At that time, I had to process some applications for funding simultaneously. If the other party repeatedly asked to submit different documents, but they did not approve, I had to keep sending emails to “request”. (Living in a temporary dormitory, everything becomes difficult, and there is no way to do your own thing at any time. Because the lights inside have a time limit, and you have to consider the time of others. (If you reply to the email, you will have less time to do your homework. )

Because this course can be completed with only a few homework requirements, it is not a difficult course. At that time, I planned to skip the class and just hand in the homework and finish it. The tutor sent an email midway through: "Remember your promise to "take classes on time" and turn in your homework on time. "

In fact, I didn't promise to be on time for class at all. But I don't know why, when it comes to "promise" and "promise", even if I don't promise, I will keep it. It turned out to be self-defeating. If I save time in class and use it to make up for sleep or do other administrative work, I may be more able to implement the promise of "delivering homework on time" that I really promised.

It is difficult to have the best of both worlds in the world. Given the living conditions at that time, we must consider how to choose in everything we do, so that the overall situation is not affected.

Later, due to the intensified social movement and the dispute over the lease, even though the tutor asked me to postpone the due date of the homework, there was still a piece of homework that could not be completed. Fortunately, the paid in is enough to pass the course. At the most extreme, I didn't even have time to read the email that he notified the deadline of the extension, and I just did my homework when I had time. At that time, there was still a graduation thesis that was postponed and the submission date was similar. Because the completion of the dissertation accounted for a large proportion of the score and the process was more, so I had to put the time in the graduation thesis. At that time, I poured the value of my life into my graduation thesis, hoping to recover the ideal graduation honors (Hounour). Under the time limit, when you look at the email of the subject, it is already the day when the results will be issued directly.

Looking back now, I attached so much importance to the agreement, and even added to myself some things that I did not promise before, and valued the eyes of others. Perhaps it was because my mother kept breaking faith since she was a child, which made me deeply appreciate the share of when others did not believe what they said. The loss, and the lack of affirmation from my family for a long time, made me pay too much attention to the eyes of others.

I remember the month the Lord transformed me, one of the revelation messages was how I held back my leg injury and ran back to school when I was in a hurry. It is a promise. Looking back at my own insignificance and limitations, I no longer cling to other people's inability to keep their promises. After all, sometimes it is not malicious dishonesty, but powerlessness. Human energy and time are also limited, I am not God, and it is impossible to meet everyone's requirements and expectations, and vice versa, others.

However, whether it was because of powerlessness or intentional breach of trust, so that the promise could not be fulfilled in the end, I think an explanation is still important.

So, so far, I have not been able to fully forgive the family social worker who traumatized me. For me, "No," "The situation has changed," whatever the wording, is better than ignoring. Obviously promised so many things, but in the end there was no response. Last call? No. Last email? No. The last to meet? (The presence of a third party is also possible) No. At that time, when I tried to knock on the high door like a child and could not get a response, I still tried my best to keep our promises and practice the goal that was mutually agreed at that time: to graduate smoothly.

It is unbelievable that those promises, under the code of work, would have been impossible to achieve.

In Form 5, my mother rarely returned to Hong Kong for three days. I was very excited that day. Although I attached great importance to my studies, I returned home quickly. I didn’t stay in school for a while to complete my homework or chat with middle school teachers as usual.

When I got home, the house was empty. I tried to find traces of my mother, but I couldn't smell a single note. I called several times, but at night, I finally got through, but she said, "I'm working overtime, I'll be back tomorrow." Tomorrow? She still hasn't come back. I finally made several phone calls and got through: "I'll be back tomorrow." On the third day, she came back smelling of cigarettes, took a shower in a hurry, and pulled her suitcase back to the place where she worked overseas.

She always said, "I'm with you."

Within three days, the phone calls that could be answered in the first two days were accompanied by a lot of noise and laughter. My mother always only worked overseas. In Hong Kong, what kind of "overtime work" does she have?

"Worry? What are you worried about? I'm so old, I can go wherever I like, no one can restrain me." The janitor of the middle school heard this and asked first, "Are you a mother now, or she is a mother, why? You seem to be more responsible and accountable than her."

The family social worker T, who had promised many promises, said something similar in the process of following up with me. "I don't need to explain to you." At that time, I just asked by the way, why she urged me to fill out the application form as soon as possible, and only a week later told me that it had been submitted to the party responsible for funding. After all, when I printed and scanned a document, I had to make a special trip to the library with a cane for processing. (I was already displaced at the time). In fact, I just asked. If she is not in a hurry, I will put my studies first and not spend too much time dealing with administration (at that time, because I spent a lot of time to settle the accommodation and deal with economic problems, the progress of my studies has been greatly improved. I fell behind), I was suffering from hand and foot injuries and depression, and finally took a lot of effort to recover.

If you don’t even think you need to explain the work related to your duties, let alone those words like “going to the graduation ceremony”, “it doesn’t matter if the graduation ceremony can’t be done, I will take a picture with you when the time comes” and so on.

"How you see the world, the world is what it is." She, whom I trusted at the time, gradually made me trust the world again. Maybe adults, accustomed to bullying children, build a hypocritical world, saying "trust", "sincere", "promise" and "explain", delaying children's knowing the truth of the world, so that after gaining their trust, they will The injured part will be hit with a heavy hammer and will be put to death.

The T I know always has the word "professional" in his mouth. "Professional", when I met T, I had repeatedly experienced untrustworthiness from my mother and others.

Me: "After graduation, can you come to my graduation ceremony?"

T: "Okay, I miss you happy~"

Me: "You can't accept me casually, if it's not like Super Mario, when you stomp on you with mushrooms"

T: "For the safety of my life, I will not be without such a risk~"

Me: "This is the last time I saw a counselor, and I don't have the energy to do anything else." (I met three counselors and clinical psychologists in college, all of which were just to verify that I already had a solution to the problem) "End file Can I see you later? I don’t want to end up being pushed around like a football after finishing my story.”

T: "After finishing the file, as long as I work at the center for one day, you are welcome to visit me at any time."

She knows what I've been through and my temperament; she knows that what I value most is agreement; she knows that what I can't bear the most is neglect. She always did things that were contrary to the word "professional". When she followed up with me, she also said something that everyone said went too far.

Later, I encountered the case that the landlord suddenly terminated the contract early. Even a contract can be breached without warning, and the deposit will be withheld by unscrupulous means, not to mention those verbal promises that cost nothing.

That's what the Lord is like. It's nothing to me to make me go through repeated confirmation and untrustworthy things, and thus reflect the painful part of my past childhood. As if asking me, "Are you still angry with your mother now?"

Everyone in this world is a sinner. I, who can no longer trust anyone, once lost my connection with people and did not know how to live in this world. The only thing that can keep me alive is to hold fast to the promise with the faithful God. Only He deserves me to support my bruised body, hold my breath, and wait until His time to fall to the ground. I look forward to living up to His high hopes when I bow my knees in front of the high platform and explain the course of my life.

Man's promises are thwarted. The promise from the Lord can arouse the blood in my heart.

Fallen knight hero Tan

https://youtu.be/L1WCdb74_5g

(Starting at 0:07) At that time, it was with this determination that I completed my graduation thesis. After someone else's war, I can rest in my own home for a while, and I have to move to a cheaper hotel the next day. (How to complete the graduation thesis at that time, you can refer to "How the Lord Transforms My Dry Soul" 1-3) When I was exhausted and about to fall to the ground, I still made a phone call, at least let T know that I graduated successfully .

As I am now, I hope to use the blood I used to focus on the Lord. Only His promises are worthy of my expectation and persistence.

Written on 30/11/2021