[005] Feel powerless? No longer "weak"｜Mental Compass Series｜

It's lunch time, and this is your friend. He's sitting across from you, listening to you complaining about which colleague you've been bullied by recently, how you've been used by your superiors to take the blame... and so on in the workplace. After get off work, you start to recall that you seem to have been like this since your student days. You often feel wronged in order to maintain the relationship with the people around you, the expectations or requirements of your parents, the way your friends treat you, and even the pursuit of people you like. , all because of fear that expressing their ideas will lead to conflict, which in turn could destroy existing relationships. On the one hand, I tell myself "I'm sacrificing for the overall situation", but on the other hand, I am dissatisfied with the status quo, and even dissatisfied with myself. This state is quite uncomfortable. If you have experienced or are experiencing the above thoughts, after reading today's article, I believe it will help you.

Hello everyone, welcome back to Forward Cafe, this is Mr. A. Today, I'm going to talk to you about this state of being good and being bullied, or commonly known as "Mr. Good", what kind of mental and behavioral manifestations will there be, and how this may hurt a person, and finally talk about getting out of this state Methods.

First of all, let's talk about the "symptoms" of Mr. Haohao. As mentioned at the beginning, whether in school, workplace, or emotional relationships, Mr. Haohao is often the weaker party in interpersonal relationships, and it is easy to feel bullied and used, even if others It wasn't originally intended . At the same time, even if Mr. Hao always greets people with a smiling face, they may not actually like the interaction mode of others, and even further, they hate themselves who interact with others in this way, so behind the usual image of "kindness" and "indifferent", good The husband may have a very low sense of self-worth , and in the vernacular, he hates himself.

When you show yourself in this cruel world, the world is more likely to deny and challenge you than to help and support you. It’s a bit abstract, but when you think about it, it’s unavoidable that we receive negative feedback more often than happiness or joy as we grow up. When Mr. Haohao encounters challenges from the world, whether it is from close people, other people in society, or the general environment of the entire era, they cannot defend themselves, so they choose to avoid conflicts as much as possible. as the highest priority survival strategy. In short, when someone brings a dish they don't like to them, the good gentlemen will not refuse, and will lick the plate clean with a smile. It's worth noting that when I've shared this view with friends in the past, some people have started to feel offended, even offended, why?

In fact, sacrificing yourself for the sake of others, or even for the overall situation, is not a problem in itself, and to a certain extent is worthy of praise. But the question is, do they really want to do it? Under the public image on the surface, the good gentlemen cover up their real thoughts and show the side they think others want to see, usually happy, kind... etc. Positive qualities, but this seemingly dormant volcano , but it will accumulate over time, or a sudden big earthquake will erupt, blowing up the mountain and nearby houses. This process of suppressing inner desires and the final uncontrollable eruption is harmful. It will cause harm to Mr. Hao and the people around him, and may even harm important people around him . We can see similar things on TV. The case, after enduring the bullying of the boss, colleagues, the other half or family members for a long time, Mr. Haohao finally broke out one day, hurting others and himself in a situation beyond his control, whether it was mental, verbal or is physically.

We don't want to see this result, how can we avoid it? The first stage of wanting to get rid of Mr. Good is not to suppress your inner thoughts . This is not simply to "be yourself", but to truly face yourself and start asking yourself what do you really want? What do you not want? What kind of day do you want to live every day when you wake up and open your eyes? Sometimes it's not that we don't know what we want, but we are afraid to figure out what we want. The reason is that the clearer the goal, the clearer the gap between us and the goal, and people are reluctant to deny themselves and are afraid to admit their own shortcomings. , so in addition to being truthful about what you want, the next step is to truthfully face your "current shortcomings" and start to change it . If you think the whole thing is too troublesome, at least figure out what the first step is. . When you start accumulating your own experience and strength, you will realize and truly realize that you have more choices and possibilities, and once you have the right to choose, you will not be afraid of losing, but once you have the right to choose You are no longer afraid of losing, and you have the ability to say "no" to this terrible situation . While this is easier said than done, the decision to change all of this is really in your hands, come on! Let's share.

As a final digression, when you start to leave the state of being a good gentleman, you may look like a muddy ball, and even get pointed at by the people around you, making you start to wonder if you have become a bad person? Remember, the world has never been a black-and-white binary. Everyone has desires, to get something, to destroy something, and when you can be aware of, organize, and make good use of your "dark side", but still choose to be kind to others, that's " The true value of kindness.

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