Flow｜Away from Anxiety in Relationships, the Only Remedy

【To my dearest you ever】Ⅱ

I remember there was a good time, "How do I live in love so that I won't be overwhelmed by gains and losses to defeat cherished emotions, intimate relationships, and my truest self?" Such questions torment you over and over again. Year after year, you have been asking and answering your own questions, but you have never been able to complete a conscientious discussion on this topic. You have written and stopped, and then put it aside and piled up on your hard drive. Until I opened the file, read those unwritten sentences, laughed, cried, and closed.

Emotional things are always annoying, but the relationship with a lover is never a poem.

You, 10 years ago, liked to probe into the horns. When those men who never met again, if one day they think of you, would they be gentle or violent? You suspect that you are the kind of girl who "is not particularly beautiful, but is mistaken for being special , which leads to a little insincere approach and leads to those messy ghost stories later." The more you think about it, the more anxious you become.

If I was by your side at the time, how much would I want to tell you: Hi! Don't worry, because when you grow up, mature , and even more disheartened like me, there will come a day when you can describe yourself as water, gentle and strong in every relationship. It's a long time. What you realize later, or what I realize later.

Years ago, we all judged gentleness as weakness, your bad habit to spoil a man's appetite, and your strength. We are also easy to be interpreted by men as being stubborn, so they would rather find an obedient girl and leave, we think we are doing well, but we can't keep anything.

But when I look back on those absurd relationships over the years, you didn't become sharper, but more casual; you didn't become more fragile, but tougher; you were no longer obsessed with clinging to each other's It is hysterical to love and not to love, because you learn to be both grievances and perfection, but also learn to be strong and independent, two qualities that diverge from each other, in short, like water.

Fortunately, you are always like water, and you will transform into what kind of posture you encounter in any situation, so as to avoid the pain caused by repeated exploration and running-in, and thus preserve your own personality.

Then you meander like water, but find your own path, and as you get older, you finally learn what you really want in a relationship? There is no point in learning to insist on "marrying yourself out before 30". Even after ending a few relationships, you already know those times you thought were the best in your life, but that's all, the presence or absence of a lover, separation or union, may be just yourself flowing like water in the heaven and earth. The scenery that passes by in time, you realize that only you are the only truth.

You are as gentle and strong as running water through the valley of ups and downs and anxiety in my feelings, so that ten years later I can face the unpredictable human heart and love freely like water, and no longer worry.

 【postscript】
This article originally wanted to vote for #write a letter to myself 10 years ago, but the more I wrote it, the more biased it became, so I changed the direction and wrote it to #stay away from anxiety. After thinking about it, I was considering challenges with the theme of "flow" and "writing". "Letter to yourself 10 years ago" is a way to string together all the current community activities. I wonder if it will be successful? (Probably nothing.)

This year when the epidemic is raging, I just turned 40, and my relationship with my other half has entered the tenth year (and for the first time in 10 years because of the epidemic, there is no such thing as a long distance in a year), and my identity is about to enter from immigrants. In the citizenship stage, living in Canada, where the virus is latent and daily life, and worrying about Taiwan, which does not know when it will be hit by the virus, to be honest, I am very anxious in every aspect. So I would like to thank SI Kaoru for this activity and all the participating authors for writing one article after another. I don’t think I have anything to add to this. I can’t share it. In fact, when I am anxious, I eat marijuana chocolate ( Marijuana is legal in Canada, I sell it on the government website, but my friends in other areas can’t learn it), so I have to share my own topics, hoping to help young children who are still struggling with love and dislike.

Finally, perform the author's responsibility and translate the above epistolary into the vernacular version.

How to avoid anxiety in a relationship?

The following is the fallacy of the volume's, you can't believe it.

Figure out what you really want in a relationship?

Write down what you want, and look for someone based on the list. Of course, you may not be able to find it. However, the closer you get to the complete list, the less unnecessary expectations you have and the less anxiety you will feel.

love yourself more

This is an old saying, but few people can do it. After all, when people fall in love, they always think more about their lovers and ignore their own feelings.

Don't over-explain your lover's words and deeds

In the face of intimate people, most normal people are very straightforward, especially in daily chats.

A relationship is a battlefield, so there are no winners

All Is Fair in Love and War, since there is no winner, there is nothing to fight.

no one is necessary

In the final analysis, it is still the same sentence, if you understand it, you will have a vast sky (eh).