Family

1

At 3:30 in the morning in Yueqing, the night was light and cold, I took my key and walked to a 24-hour convenience store two kilometers away to find food.

When you go back to your hometown, you have to get used to it. In this small town on the edge of the mountain, this little rooster is already crowing heart-rendingly, and the "night-sleeping star" who is used to the big city can't sleep at night.

After passing through an open space to be developed after demolition, I looked up at the sky. The night sky was full of worries, covered with large cracked clouds. The moonlight protruded from the clouds like wolf teeth, which made people on the ground feel terrified, and couldn’t help but hurried to the brightly lit place. kinky.

I suddenly remembered the interview video in Ang Lee's recent promotion of the new film, which frequently mentioned the word " trance "... I suddenly understood something about the meaning of the existence of the city and my family.

2

The turbulent situation in the past year seems to have started to burn from MeToo last summer, and the collapse of the order has gradually been visualized.

I have seen people from Moments, Weibo, Facebook, and life in a hurry to stand in line like ants jumping in a hot pot. For example, I know a lot of philanthropists and people who support philanthropy—I used to think that the circle of people who can support multiple perspectives, have the ability to break away from judgment, and can best reflect civilization and advancement cannot be avoided. The extent of brushing my presence, participating in cyber violence, and being anti-intellectual and anti-common sense made me deeply doubt the world I live in. In fact, it is far more desperate than I imagined...

On September 4, when I saw the Hong Kong Chief Executive's speech on TV, "Family and friends turned against each other because of their different opinions", I seemed to be enjoying myself in bitterness, thinking about this philosophical issue: What is the true meaning of family? Why are family and friends different? Can family members be as free to choose as friends?

3

The Chinese attach great importance to the consciousness of "home". There is a saying that the belief of the Chinese is home. In fact, the deeper origin of this family is "family consciousness". Under the "differential pattern" mentioned in "Rural China", the deep-rooted concept of this concept is inevitable.

And when it encounters the current party culture, reform and opening up, and "big changes unseen in a century" and produces a chemical reaction, the existence of violent contradictions is also inevitable - it is reflected in the mighty, panic-stricken era every time In a small family, scenes of intergenerational conflicts, traumas of the original family, depression behind the indifferent expressions of young faces.

My parents were divorced since I was a child. For me, it was like the song "Dad has one home, Mommy has one home". This is my understanding of the family, and it also made me, full of strong emotions, stand in line since I was a child, which has a deep sense of Oddi. Puth complex, and my mother died when I was an adult.

"Huang Lili Speech: Domestic Violence is a Crime"

As a child victim of domestic violence, I can't forgive my father and grandmother's family, but I have to grow up relying on this family. This is the inevitable result of my own contradictions. Like these roosters that keep me awake at night, I swear through gritted teeth that if I have the chance, I will fly away.

4.

Later, I received my mother’s inheritance, invested in P2P to support myself, and then flew far away to the big city, made friends in psychology, sociology, and anthropology, and participated in the Shanghai Wake Up Death Experience Center twice…I finally gradually realized To what is true happiness in life.

Master Xuecheng divides life into four levels: survival, life, life, life and death.

In China under the differential order, friends are used to solve many problems in survival, life, and life, and to deal with the problem of "how to live well"; while family members, including lovers, are used to solve the problem of life and death . That is, how can we face death calmly and calmly instead of with pain and remnants, how can we die as peacefully and beautifully as autumn leaves?

In ordinary days, we are busy chasing fame and fortune, we worry about gain and loss, and when the deadline is approaching, we can only have one need left, and that is the need to face death, which is what hospice care is committed to solving. The problem.

How to face death with high quality? Answer: Only by gaining inner peace can you leave very peacefully. Someone asked Cai Kangyong what he was most afraid of. He said that he was most afraid of "dying unclean", which I thought was referring to this. A further interpretation is "not in a hurry" and "not afraid" when living toward death. The former depends on the management of some unfulfilled desires, such as explaining the aftermath of the death and the allocation of inheritance. The latter puts aside the auxiliary catalysis of philosophical literacy, and is not afraid of the degree of satisfaction that comes from the sense of meaning in life. As the saying goes: people who have not lived enough are most afraid of death.

So, how can we "live enough"? I think the main reason is to feel the unconditional love of the family during the growth stage, that is, the fulfillment of family support, which is the cornerstone of happiness in life. Then, you can gain self-confidence and get positive feedback from the external environment—that is, the achievement of aspirations, which is a need for respect, and can also be attributed to love from society, that is, social support.

Being able to gain enough love and respect in life is an important prerequisite for a person to have a resilient mind to face the inevitable setbacks and pains, as well as face the ultimate suffering of life—death. It can make life truly bloom and live out the splendid colors like summer flowers. This kind of authentic color is bright in the years, making the sorrow as thick as death eclipsed... This is what I think, The most positive aspect of life.

Well , this is the key to solving the problem of life and death that people pursue throughout their lives . It comes from the nourishment that you have accumulated throughout your life...that is, love, which bears fruit at the last moment of your life.

In the early days of life, the nourishment of the family is the soil on which the fruit lives... If the original family cannot give it, he will try to make up for it from his lover, and inertia will make this process extremely difficult, like a plant without soil .

5

Happy people use childhood to heal their whole life, and unfortunate people use one to heal their childhood. - Adler

The ancients looked at the celestial phenomena, facing the vast universe, time is fleeting, facing the nature revealed by the sincerity of heaven and earth, life cannot bear the contempt, in order to stay away from upside-down dreams and have no terror, human beings invented light, invented the bright lights at night, To cover the wind, sand, stars and ghosts, to create a city full of material desires to occupy every inch of time, to fill the emptiness with emptiness, to cover the heavens and the earth with paper, wine and gold fans, sensual dogs and horses to cover the ancient chants of inhumanity.

Prosperous cities carefully isolate death from life. Birth, old age, sickness and death are commonplace, but the hospital's terminal illness notice is a huge blow to modern people.

Humans are made more vulnerable by cities, because cities care about survival, life, life, but not life and death - cities are like friends, not family. The rampant consumerism spins human beings in the reinforced jungle, sinking into the ground, far from the origin of the soil, disconnected from nature, eroding the nature of mammals, denying biological nature and then alienating human beings into a machine-like existence In the labor-employment relationship, I am sinking without going up and down...

In this flashy world, there are still small heroic dreams, called "home", which makes all the trance-like and dream-like experiences meaningful. We are searching in the world, looking for a lover, and forming our own family. It is for this ultimate purpose. With this upward force, we condense into a small community of destiny to resist the arrival of our own lives. of impermanence.

Li Yinhe said that the family's love is the only love for separation; Long Yingtai said that when watching, there is no need to chase.

Now I gradually understand that we must meet fully before separation, so that separation will not be an exile;

Understand that no end is the end of everything

Love talent is the most living glimpse in life and death

- Zoea