can say goodbye

While listening to Dr. Hong Zhongqing's live broadcast while typing an article, he happened to say this: "To express a polite and social compliment is just right, too much. No matter what kind of relationship it is, there will be troubles."

In fact, I am not sure whether to write this article, maybe it will be hidden for a while, but I just want to give myself a record of the psychological process, about the relationship between mother and daughter. Two years before my child was born, I decided to take care of my mother, so I started intergenerational parenting. I used to think that this was a beautiful arrangement by grandparents and grandchildren, but it was a shock to my personal growth, but it also allowed me to improve, and it was a major change in my decision to leave after two years.

In the end, it was the relationship between himself and his mother that was to blame. Even after I left, I still felt my mother's mood through the video, and she would infect my children with some sad words, and my children would be depressed and even have some more emotions. There was a time when I didn't know how to deal with it, and I was mixed with guilt, anxiety and some resentment.

After several months of quiet thinking and study during the epidemic, coupled with the separation and emotional training of children in school. Returning to Taipei this time, to a certain extent, I also regarded it as a test, to test whether my mood was not affected, and to test the reaction of my children.
After all, separation has always been a difficult issue for my mother. Of course now maybe I can see why separation is so hard for her, she is also affected by various events and processes in the past. The separation events in the past were excessively magnified by the mother, which caused a lot of trouble for us as children. Behind these separations also represented the mother’s anxiety and anxiety. Maybe it seems easy to you, but this sentence of analysis is an espresso that is understood by the indiscriminate intertwining of children and mothers, as well as the pain of each other and how many tears they have left.

After understanding, gently put down. The mother will still be sad, but it may be slowly understood through the precipitation of time. As adults, we naturally don't show too many emotions, but children can't. But I hope that after being able to face up to these emotions, what positive effects can be brought to the child.

The night before I left, my husband and I went out to do errands. Before we went out, the child was sad about the feeling that I went out with my husband and left her. I comforted and understood my emotions, and then my grandmother took over. When I came back, I saw the child running into the room crying, saying that I was sad to leave the grandma the next day. I continued to soothe and empathize, but I wasn't able to confirm whether she was affected by Mamaw's mood again. In the past, I might have criticized, but now I hope to see it from a different perspective.

The next morning, before Mamaw's mood swings, my daughter gently gave a good demonstration.
When hugging in the past, the mother would be excessively sad, and would also say that the child was pitiful and could not decide to stay, etc., so that the child would also cry and mourn, which made the separation even more sad. This time, when grandma asked for a hug, she rejected my mother first, and came to the room to find me to play with me for a while. I felt that grandma's emotions were coming, and my daughter was probably thinking about how to deal with it.
After a while she ran out and said to Mamma, "You don't have to worry about me pulling."
Mammy said, "Mamma isn't worried, Mama just misses you."
My daughter said, "If you miss it, just think about it in your heart."
Grandma said, "That's it. I want it in my heart."
In my heart, it was when my daughter cried and cried and told the teacher that she missed her mother when she first went to school, and the teacher told her. I didn't expect her to be used here. And that seems to have worked for my mother as well. A word from my daughter is like espresso pouring milk into a bitter-sweet latte. In this way, the mother will no longer exaggerate her sadness through hugs, and the daughter will not accept it and affect her mood. They still miss each other, and they both know they want to leave, but they can take these misses in their hearts, and then face each other's journey.

In fact, my daughter is braver than me. After finishing my things, I decided to go to the living room and play the role-playing game of doctors and nurses with my mother and daughter. What I want to do is to cherish the present, just like drinking a rich latte and enjoying this warm atmosphere before parting.