"The Strength of Fragility" | We don't want more, we want to believe that we are good enough.

Are you the same as me? We wake up in the morning feeling that we don’t have enough sleep and time. We spend most of our time worrying about where we are not enough. Before we get up and feet on the floor, we start to feel that we are not enough, behind, lost or not enough. Something is missing. Before going to bed, we are still thinking about the things that have not been completed today. We fall asleep with this idea in mind, and when we wake up, our minds are full of thoughts about what we lack.

This sense of lack is actually a traumatic syndrome that culture brings to us. It happens when we experience too much pain and we cannot accept each other's vulnerability, and instead use fear and anger to cover up our vulnerability, causing damage in the workplace and at home. Issues such as inferiority complex and comparison are clearly visible. "The Power of Fragility" encourages us to be vulnerable and to be honest with the parts of ourselves that we fear.

What is fragile power?

"Vulnerability" is a feeling of uncertainty, uncertainty, risk, and an emotional shock. When we openly write or think, admit our fears, try new things, ask for help, and face these uncertainties, deep fears and insecurities arise, a feeling of vulnerability that recurs throughout our lives , and we always avoid fragility as much as possible, confuse fragility with failure, or regard fragility as a manifestation of weakness, but only by accepting fragility bravely can we truly express ourselves and connect with others. , we are more powerful.

As children, we thought that when we grow up, we won’t feel vulnerable. But growth is a process of accepting vulnerability, and life is inherently fragile.

Vulnerability is at the heart of all emotions and emotions, and to feel is to show vulnerability.

Why show vulnerability?

What do we do when we feel emotional? What do you do when you feel very uneasy and insecure? Fear, anger, criticism, control, and the pursuit of perfection are all emotions that escape vulnerability. We are unwilling to risk showing our vulnerability, fear of not being accepted or alienation, but showing vulnerability is the most important part of the process of " cultivating trust ". An important part, whether it's sharing a vulnerable experience with a loved one, or admitting a wrong decision in a team. We must be able to speak up about our feelings, needs, and desires. Without showing vulnerability, we cannot draw closer relationships and limit our own development.

Vulnerability is at the heart of shame and fear, struggling for self-worth but also giving birth to joy, creativity, love and belonging

overcome inferiority complex

When it comes to how to accept vulnerability, overcoming low self-esteem is the key to accepting vulnerability. If we are worried about what others think, we will not dare to show ourselves. Inferiority is an uneasy feeling of fear of expressing oneself, fear of losing face, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, and fear of not being recognized. There will be fear of what you have done or not done, and fear that you will not achieve your ideals or achieve your goals, feel that you are not good enough to be loved, and you will not be able to gain a sense of belonging and connection. It is impossible to "resist inferiority". As long as we care about interpersonal relationships and worry about losing connection with others, inferiority is always a powerful force. What we need to learn is how to "overcome inferiority".

Avoid fragile weapons

When we were young, we thought of ways to keep ourselves from being vulnerable, to protect ourselves from being hurt, to be devalued, and not to lose hope. We put on our armor and use our thoughts, emotions, and actions as weapons to learn emotional disengagement and even apathy. Although the mask is not breathable, it is more comfortable to wear; although the armor is heavy and tiring, it feels stronger to wear. Ironically, when we stand in front of people wearing masks or armor, we feel disappointed and alienated. That's the paradox: the last thing I want you to see is my vulnerability. But I most want to see your vulnerability. Here are the most common weapons we use to avoid vulnerability, and how to disarm us and show our vulnerability:

1. Vaccination - the paradoxical fear of suppressing happiness

Do you have a mentality to always expect the worst first, so that if something happens, I'm ready. If nothing happens, you can also get an unexpected surprise. Or when we feel happy, that feeling is very unreal, and when we feel that happiness can lead to sadness, when we are always rehearsing tragedies in advance, we cannot really feel the happiness at the moment. This is actually what we bring to reduce disappointment and despair. a sense of vulnerability .

How to show the power of vulnerability?

learn to be grateful

When we're worried that happiness won't last, and that we'll be disappointed next, it means we can't value what we have. The sense of vulnerability that accompanies joy is actually a reminder to be grateful , to make sure that we are grateful for the person in front of us, the beauty in front of us, the connection to others, or the moment in the moment. When we are immersed in happiness, we are cultivating. The ability to self-recover from pain, and when misfortune strikes, we are stronger.

2. Perfectionism - You will never feel inferior if you think you are perfect

Have you ever felt inferior when you were criticized and blamed? Then go to blame yourself: "It's all my fault, I feel this way because I'm not good enough". Misunderstanding that as long as I look perfect and do perfect, the pain of inferiority, judgment, and blame can be avoided or reduced. Perfectionism actually only makes us feel inferior all the time. It is a self-destructive and addictive thought.

The author also addresses common misconceptions about perfectionism:

• Perfectionism is different from the pursuit of excellence : Perfectionism is about unhealthy growth and achievement, thinking that if you do it perfectly, you will be free from blame, but it is actually used to avoid seeing your true self
• Perfectionism isn't about self-improvement, it's about getting recognition : my achievements and excellence represent how good or bad I am as a person, and I need to cater to and perform perfectly. Perfectionism is about focusing on others: what do people think?
• Perfectionism keeps us away from success : the fear of failure, making mistakes, falling short of expectations, and being criticized keeps us away from the arena of healthy competition and hard work.

Perfectionism is an external perception, not an internal motivation, but no matter how much time and effort we put into it, we cannot control our external perception.

How to show the power of vulnerability?

appreciate your imperfections

However, we are inevitably criticized and blamed. How to solve the problem of pursuing perfectionism? The answer is: to appreciate our imperfections, we must let ourselves go and appreciate our flaws or flaws. Be more tolerant and gentle with ourselves and each other, and talk to ourselves in the same tone of voice we have with those we love.

• Be kind to yourself: Be considerate of yourself in times of pain, failure, or lack of confidence, instead of ignoring the pain or berating yourself.
• Human nature: Understand that pain and lack of confidence are common experiences that everyone experiences, not just me.

3. Self-paralysis - seeking any addictive behavior that represses vulnerability

We are constantly struggling between the pursuit of self-worth and feelings of inferiority. When we are extremely eager to get rid of the fear caused by inferiority and anxiety, and the pain caused by lack of self-confidence and incomparable to others, we will begin to paralyze ourselves. Such as smoking, drinking, overeating, drug abuse, etc.

How to show the power of vulnerability?

set the bottom line

To reduce anxiety is to pay attention to your own limits, to know how much you will exceed your mental load. Set a baseline based on your own values, learn how to say "enough", and fundamentally change the behaviors that make you anxious, instead of letting those behaviors make you anxious and forcing yourself to find false solace to numb your anxiety.

after reading

Before reading this book, the word "fragile" felt both familiar and unfamiliar, something I had but never explored, categorizing it only as a negative emotion. We are all encouraged by society to be brave and afraid to show weakness, but forget that showing vulnerability also requires courage, just like the society has always talked about how to improve self-confidence, but never discussed how to overcome low self-esteem, as if those emotions never existed . Are there times when confident, brave people feel inferior or vulnerable? I think they are just more actively engaged to feel inferiority and vulnerability, and after experiencing inferiority complex, they can be braver and more tolerant.

In addition, when reading this book, I also deeply feel my vulnerability, a feeling of being naked. The author precisely defined the definitions of inferiority complex, vulnerability, perfectionism, love and belonging and their relationship with each other, which made me better understand why I feel fear, shame and fear when I am vulnerable and insecure. Among them, I thought that perfectionism refers to "one person is very demanding of everything". Even if it may hinder one's progress, it is not too bad. Deep misunderstanding, and even began to think that perfectionism is a weakness that needs to be improved.

In the end, I thought "tell myself that it's good enough". For a society that does not like to show fragility, what everyone sees is the bright side of social media. Unconsciously, it strengthens our inferiority complex, which is afraid of becoming mediocre. We have been pursuing extraordinary (other people's) life, but we must believe that Everyone is unique! Why pursue other people's lives?

Thank you for watching to the end, please clap your hands five times to support my creation, if you like my reading and sharing, you can follow me .

Visit my other home: https://yunashare.com/