"Although she is a daughter"

My dad has been sick recently.

This time he fell ill, from the examination to the operating table, I contacted a good friend for help.

And yesterday when I mentioned this matter with my parents in the video, my mother said:

"I told your dad, you see, although we are a daughter, we really put in a lot of effort this time."

"Although she is a daughter"

It's a classic "albeit a daughter".

In the past, I always felt that I would never hear this sentence. Although I was born in a Chaoshan family that favors sons over daughters, I am also the only child in my family. I also remember that my father said to those in his hometown who persuaded him to have one more child, "If you don't have more children, you will only have one daughter. Not bad."

I always thought that my parents would believe me when I said "whether I get married or not, I'm your only child".

But when my mother said this, I couldn't help laughing. I know, it’s not that my parents are not patriarchal, it’s just that they don’t have a “son” to compare with my daughter.

To put it bluntly, in their hearts, what I did was not what their only "child" should do,

It's something a "daughter"—someone who will one day cease to be part of the family estate—does out of bounds.

That's why my mother said "although she is a daughter", as if they should have lower requirements for their daughters, as if their daughters don't have to be filial, as if their daughters did these things to exceed their expectations of their daughters.

The meaning of this sentence is like saying that their expectations of me are very low, because they have low expectations of their daughter.

However, since childhood, they have not low demands on me. This kind of request is not out of the mouth, not to say "You want to be admitted to Peking University and Tsinghua University", "You want to be the chairman of the board", "You want to earn a lot of money to support your parents", their expectations of me have always been:

"obedient", "relaxing" and "sensible"

I don't know how you guys make sense of these words, but it's probably the highest that can be asked of a child because it can never be met.

The so-called "peace of mind" means "don't let your parents worry about you" .

And this is the highest requirement in the world, because it has no end.

There is no end to asking one person to save another person's heart and understand another person's affairs.

I don't even doubt that my mother will say, "We have always asked you to be healthy and happy."

It is true, but why is "healthy and happy" a requirement?

I think of a concept that Zhang Chun, a psychological counselor, once talked about, called "female depression".

What is female depression? To be more specific, it is "double bondage" . There are many rules and standards, and these standards are often contradictory.

"You have to have a career, you have to be independent, but too independent and too strong will not work."

"You can be rich, but not too rich."

"You can be pretty, but not too attractive."

These are all the stares and constraints that have been placed on a woman since she was born, and they are also the shackles that I have often struggled to break free over the years. Those shackles are called "You can do better."

But no one will know what the "better" is, and no one will care whether these "betters" make women happier and happier?

Conversely, when a woman expresses her desires, she is held back, "That's not your thing."

When a girl starts running wildly on the grass, kicking a ball, when she laughs out loud, she hears , "What do girls look like?"

When a girl reveals her ambition and says that I want to be a national leader in the future, she will hear a sneer, "Can a woman be a national leader?"

When a woman reveals her sexuality, talking openly about orgasms, menstruation, and sex, she draws eyebrows: "This woman must have slept with a lot of men."

Over time, the girls learned that it is not allowed to show their desires, let alone satisfy their desires.

In other words, if you make yourself happy, you should be guilty and your happiness should be questionable.

It is because of this that women have been confined within an unbreakable framework for so long.

They are always cautious and timid, because they don't know where the boundary is;

Always introspective and extra strict with myself on moral-related issues. Because whenever they slack on themselves, there will be thousands of eyes looking at her, and countless people waiting to point and point.

On the other hand, men are allowed to be happy, carefree, and at ease. The rules they face are the same, and there is no need to consider the difference between "good" and "too good to be too good."

If they take responsibility, they are "good men", and if they don't, they also have the false name of "prodigal son". Anyway , no matter which choice they make, someone will support them.

Thinking about it this way, the environment women face is not only extremely dangerous, but also full of yellow lines. And all this for nothing else but because:

"You're a woman after all."