{Dark contains light}

I had a memorable experience yesterday.

When I messaged a shop owner last night, I got "unnamed" outrage over his refusal to accept my offer. I unknowingly thought that the other party's persistence and persistence were just for himself, without considering whether I needed it or not. Unconsciously, I felt that he and I were holding our own opinions. I felt that he was constantly using all means to get me to accept his "good intentions", but I felt so resistant to accepting what I thought was "come to me". It's not good intentions to say good intentions," and I was eager for him to accept my decision and take back his advice. In the end, because I didn't want to entangle any more, I began to realize that I am not as persistent as him at the moment? Do you swear to make the other party follow your own ideas? After realizing it, I immediately "let go" of the "desire" to fight and resist, "let go of the choice of wanting to conquer", and created the "ok" response under the emotion of "unwillingness, reluctance, and indignation" to end our struggle. dialogue!

After finishing the conversation, my body kept feeling "somehow", and I felt very depressed, feeling "uncomfortable but I can't find words to describe it", that is, "I can't sit down, I can't sleep, I can't speak." Seeing my appearance, my husband asked me about it, so I told the content of the conversation, with my personal anger and grievances and thoughts of persistent limitations. At that moment I was just relaxing and balancing my state, and I didn't realize what deep inner desire was driving me to express myself in this way. As always, my husband tried to help me "let go of anger" with his good logic. But my anger kept rising without realizing it, and at that moment I just felt very angry. My husband and I each expressed our own opinions. My husband preferred to analyze the situation, and I preferred to express my hurt feelings. In the end, I “put down” again and insisted on “explaining.” I stopped, resisted the strong desire to speak to "rehabilitate myself", and quietly "feeled" all the "discomfort" at the moment: anger, complaining, persistence, sadness, depression, unwillingness ( In fact, they are just some physical sensations, which I have translated into the above words to describe and express)...that's it...I finally know why...I suddenly felt that "the idea of having an answer" emerged...it turns out I just kept longing for others to "recognize me, accept my choices, allow me to deal with me in the way I think is right, accept me like this", and then another thought... I'll be buried first...why is it always that I have to compromise first" and I'm not angry, I feel that I'm always "unaccepted", I always have to "sacrifice my choice"...I feel helpless and powerless! Later, after I calmed down, I found that I was obsessed with "my decision is correct, I have to do it, this is the best", and strongly "refused to compromise and back down", it seemed that I was "protecting myself" and protecting the The "feeling of grievance" that requires oneself to give in is eager to speak up for this, and strive for the recognition and acceptance of others! When I return to the present moment, I have recognized and accepted everything about myself more than ever before, and I have also accepted the feelings and awareness that this experience has given me.

When these thoughts surfaced, those feeling of boredom disappeared, maybe because they had been aware of it, they had already retired! When I woke up this morning, I checked the conversation message with the shop owner again, there was no special feeling, just a general response, the trauma disappeared!

thank you! Thank you for the experience you gave me, seeing the wounds within myself, healed, transformed! Feel again: "light in darkness", "darkness and light are one" experience!