Are we living like giant babies: read <Giant Baby Country>

Recently, I just finished reading "Giant Baby Country" by Wu Zhihong, a well-known Chinese psychologist, which mainly analyzes and criticizes the national character and social culture of the Chinese people, and points out that "90% of our love and pain are related to a basic fact. Relevant -- most adults, the psychological level is a baby, such an adult is a giant baby, such a country is a giant baby country." Such words are very sharp, and the author does not only talk about psychology in this book , also attacked many social traditions and ideology in China, and therefore this book was soon no longer published in China. In my opinion, regardless of whether the giant baby criticized in the book is more concentrated in Chinese society, it is It is also instructive to examine these traits in themselves.

The word "giant baby" has been mentioned frequently in recent years, but many people may not really think about the meaning of this label. In the book "Giant Baby Country", the author pointed out some typical characteristics of "giant baby", which I summarized as Three points: First, the omnipotent narcissism of the giant baby, that is, the world should revolve around me in accordance with my will, just like babies cry as long as their demands are not met; second, giant babies always have to Seeking symbiosis, it cannot form a conscious core self and needs various communities to confirm its existence, just like infants cannot survive independently; Third, giant infants always need an omnipotent caregiver. All-round care for other people, and for giant babies this care can be in various senses.

According to the characteristics of the above "giant babies", it can actually explain the strange behaviors and thoughts of many adults. For example, why some people are particularly easy to be angry and blame others, because babies or giant babies pursue everything, no matter how big or small. , they must conform to their imagination, so that they can feel in control, and when things do not conform to their imagination, they will have a sense of collapse. This sense of collapse can even trigger the disintegration of the ego. To avoid the disintegration of the ego, they need to bring the trigger The responsibility for his own collapse is passed on to the outside world. A typical example is that after an old man falls, he accuses the person who rescued him as the perpetrator and asks him to take responsibility, because such an old man cannot accept that his body is out of control, he must Looking for an external factor to blame, and the person who helped him unfortunately became the blamed object. The psychological logic of the giant babies is as follows: Any unsatisfactory is challenging the narcissism that "the world should run according to my wishes", And any unsatisfactory has subjective malicious motives, so those with subjective malicious motives must apologize, otherwise, it will be life and death. Such logic is very scary, giant babies are unaware of the existence of many objective factors, and cannot understand many things They just can't control and blame, they just keep looking for someone to blame for things that don't conform to their own wishes and that they can't control, and when the object doesn't apologize and doesn't take responsibility, they get out of anger. It has become a situation of being victimized by paranoia and if you disagree with each other, you will die. (Does this explain why Chinese people often feel that xxx is "humiliating" and then collectively anger and demand an apology?)

Another typical giant baby mentality is collectivism based on symbiotic psychology. This kind of collectivism is as small as a family group as large as a country or nation, but unlike normal organizations, the symbiosis required by giant babies is unified thinking and Opposes independence and has no boundaries. Driven by this symbiotic mentality, when emergencies occur, giant babies often ignore facts and first distinguish between "us" and "them", that is, inside and outside the community. Even if the facts If you are wrong but you are "us" then we will support you but if you are "them" then attack you even if you are right. And there is no sense of boundaries in the family in China It is especially obvious in life. Babies certainly don't know that they are different and independent individuals from other people around them, they will feel that you and me (especially with their mother) are one, and it becomes a kind of funny fuzzy logic when it comes to Chinese families. : My business is also your business, your business is also mine, my business is everyone’s business at the same time, and everyone’s business is mine at the same time, so it is derived that one person’s business is related to the whole According to the family, the marriage of two people becomes the marriage of two families, and the conflict between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law becomes the conflict between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law's whole family (husband, father-in-law, aunt, etc.). And this deformed symbiotic relationship also brings another evil result, which is to satisfy the collective The omnipotent narcissism of the big parent under the doctrine. This big parent is of course a giant baby, but he really has the power to make the world revolve around his will. Based on the unity of individual thinking and no boundaries, the big parent is very concerned about the group he belongs to. With unlimited control and discourse power, rising to the ultimate emperor, of course, the entire country must satisfy him and cooperate with him, this is the ultimate form of the giant baby country.

Regarding the giant baby, the author also wrote a lot in the book. For example, complete filial piety is actually based on the almighty narcissism that satisfies the parents under the abnormal symbiotic relationship between parents and children. Under the giant baby mentality, it is necessary to find an almighty life and psychological caregiver. For example, if something bad happens in Chinese society, it is best to find a "scapegoat" so that the entire giant baby group can blame and hate. Although I don't necessarily agree with some of the author's views, but this book did make me reflect on some of my own questions, such as whether I am also prone to anger and blame when things don't meet my expectations and control, and how often do I Is expecting family members or close friends to agree with me? Is it losing the boundaries of individual relationships, etc. In short, each of us should try to be a mature and independent individual, don't expect the world to revolve around your will, don't put your own survival And values are based entirely on symbiotic relationships of all kinds, let alone expect an omnipotent caregiver to take care of you in every way or tell you what to do, and finally, learn to reject those who want to live in full symbiosis with you, including yours family and partner.