Old man punch card | I am Lola, please leave a message

Hi everyone, my name is Lola and this is my third year at Matters. But like three years ago, I was still very nervous about introducing myself.

I think it is the same as the connected world of "Lingyin". Some people can only exist on the Internet in the form of "ears" or "mouths". Although I really want to introduce myself off-screen to you, but through After reading this article, I may not be able to fully show myself. What you read here is actually my memory, the shadow of the world I see through a kaleidoscope. Then these memories and shadows, like projections, mirrored myself.

When you open this article, it's like opening a box of other people's memories. As you can imagine, I'm writing these words and saying these words at my desk, but I'm not there anymore. Projecting the stars to you by means of projection, I am doing such a thing.

It is because the time and space between us are intertwined with each other, so I am writing a letter to you now, and then expect it to be seen by you. In the online world, we can connect so naturally, but the chances of recognizing in real life are very slim. I'd be very happy if I happened to receive the stars you cast on other timelines too.

When I joined Matters, it was also when I started writing. Three years later, I am still writing sporadically, and I have published more than 100 articles in total, but I don't dare to look back at all, for fear that I can't help hiding all the articles in the past. (Fortunately I'm still young! It doesn't matter if it's almost written)

Here, everyone is not only the relationship between readers and authors, but also the relationship between friends, and the connection between people. Every time I click on "Notification" to leave a message, I am very happy, but also very distressed, just like this picture.

It's because everyone is so nice that sometimes I can't help but think greedily, pamper me a little more, Matters pamper me a little more. But I actually came to write. Although I can no longer lock it in a drawer like in the manuscript era, and then take it out for more than ten years, I still want my writing to be able to submerge, restrain and wait. Our connection points, the moments we resonate with words, are still interspersed in different time and space, and do not need very timely feedback.

Why did I write it? I remembered that in Jin Ailan's novel "Thirty Years Old", Xiu Yin wrote to her sister who lived with her when she was preparing for the exam, and told her experience over the past ten years. One of them was about her choosing French. s reason:

Sister, I was admitted to the French department despite my parents' objections. I have a dazed vision of this country called France. I feel that as long as I can speak a foreign language, it is like carrying a knife with me, and I can feel at ease wherever I go. Even in a bad situation, I can wave my knife like a ghost and yell "Go away, I can leave at any time."

I don't speak French, but writing is the same for me. I always think that as long as I'm still writing one day, it's like "carrying a knife with me" and not having to be afraid even in a bad situation. Everything that disturbs me, that is inescapable of standing today, will sooner or later become a thing of the past.

But in the novel, Xiuyin is not "saved" by French, if her dazed vision of French and French is to overcome difficulties and rescue. In short, the "dream" that once made her heart tremble slightly and aching faintly was disillusioned. She ended up falling into pyramid schemes, "not getting enough to eat, not sleeping well, and living in the worst environment", and also involved the female student she liked when she taught at the tutoring college, and finally caused the other party to collapse and commit suicide. This is also the reason why she wrote this letter to her sister whom she met ten years ago. Her heart was very painful.

Probably the same is true of writing, and if I have any illusions about it, the illusions must be shattered. I'm all about writing, but maybe I'm going down a completely unrelated path, will writing still help me then, and keep wielding this knife and yelling "go away, I could leave at any time"? .

In the face of something that the protagonist in the novel did not do, I am very sure of the probability of it happening, but I may pretend to be nonchalant and say casually: It’s okay for me to leave writing at that time—but I can’t. , when I chose it, it was destined to be different from everything else.

I’m about to stop writing here. After talking so much, I may not have introduced myself clearly. But it doesn't matter, there are still many opportunities to see my text in the future.

 Like Meizi in the film "Poems", I have a poetry book, which I use to record my observations of life, and hope that one day I can turn them into poetry;
I can't write a novel yet, but I haven't stopped imagining my story for a moment;
If I am curious about some phenomena I observe on weekdays, I will also write about my thoughts on them;
Because I read with a little girl, I occasionally write some reading notes seriously.

This "projection" can only go here, thank you! Hope to see you again next time.