Do you like the real me, or my internet persona?

Regarding social shoots, I don't just want to criticize other people. Of course I also social shoots. My own definition of social shoots\water shoots: I haven't read it, or I don't necessarily agree with or like the article, but I still clap my hands: No When it’s time to read an article, I see a generally friendly author posting an article, pat; I like the author, he wrote a subject that I’m not interested in, pat; I think I should clap for an article—the topic is correct and the content of the discussion is very important, But I don't have time to read it (just this kind of article is often very long), shoot.

Speaking of mutual shooting as a business model, for a while, there were a lot of discussions on the site about "social mutual shooting is not bad." For example, it can be used as a notification, a business card exchange, a say hello, and a low-level interaction. ——

Although I turned off the clapping notification a year ago, I am also worried: if I don't clap my hands back, will these people who help me clap will feel that I'm ignoring others and stop reading my articles. Woolen cloth? Occasionally, I'll also click on the Appreciation column to see who clapped my hands for me, and then click on their article -- or read it, or glance at it -- and pat it back.

Will the internet personas help me increase my followers?

My self-introduction in Matters "Hope to learn to listen" is actually something I'm not good at at all, so I put it in that column to remind myself that I need to practice repeatedly - I came to Matters and read it consciously and carefully, and it took a long time. Time to leave a message, reply to a message, look into each other's eyes as much as possible and talk , what is my purpose? I hope that I can make the other person feel heard, understood, or make them laugh at the moment. Even though I know that these are only 30 seconds, they will disappear as long as I turn off the screen. The difficulties of reality are so huge and complex that they can make people laugh in one fell swoop. Overwhelmed, but even if these companionships are only effective for thirty seconds, that's enough.

Then I seem to have established a warm + cordial image, no one will dislike a positive image, but at the same time I also feel guilty: in reality, I am not a good-natured person and impatient; but these are on the Internet , Because it is a text exchange, I can have a buffer. If I see an article or message that makes me uncomfortable, I will not respond immediately, because I know that words hurt people, especially on the Internet.

Public speaking on the Internet has its own momentum and a "performance" nature. People will instinctively and unconsciously want to defend their position (even if they are one-on-one in private, they are people who can speak well and are willing to listen). And in non-real-time conversations, most people are hardly like they usually speak in private (across the screen, people who usually never speak ill words can say the worst swear words), so when disagreements are usually It will only become a "ring", not a field where you can "talk". I know that I have a bad temper, and I don't want to or have the energy to fight with people, so I consciously put away my edges and corners on the Internet . Although this is not deliberately created, but all add up, it becomes a character design.

And I discovered that this had an unintended consequence : my "Internet profile" would help me increase my followers . When people feel heard, read, and cared for, they will start caring about you, or willing to read what you write . Since then, I have found that what Matters needs most is not authors, but readers , which is not surprising. This is an era when readers are scarcer than authors. The content is full, and what is scarce is eyeballs and attention . Matters is not a special case. .

Can you tell if I like you or if I want to become a fan?

We always say that in the age of the Internet and social media, everyone is a self-media, and we are constantly being taught that everyone should know how to manage their own brand and know how to market themselves . Maybe this also makes people feel more: I must to be seen . So everyone is a creator, everyone wants to have their own stage, everyone has something to say, everyone wants to be heard, everyone is broadcasting to the world; at the same time, everyone Anxiety, everyone is not sure if anyone is really listening and seeing them, and everyone is lonely.

For a while, I will go under the articles for newcomers to check in, pick some articles to reply, and welcome newcomers. Then I stopped doing it and didn't have the time to do it, also because I found that it seemed to have the effect of creating fans . "It's a good thing to welcome new people, otherwise what if the new people are ignored", "By the way, there is nothing wrong with running a personal brand in the community." But I stopped doing it because I couldn't identify my motives, whether I really wanted to care about them or if I wanted to become a fan.

Why am I so uncomfortable about running a personal brand in the community? A wise person once suggested: You should find a way to get fans, you should wait and so on....

The reason why I set up the fireplace is to support Matters, but in the era of social media, in order for people to subscribe, maybe you need to run a personal brand, you need marketing, and you need to attract fans, and this has always made me feel uncomfortable. . It's not that I don't want people to subscribe, but "social monetization" makes me question my motives and purpose for interacting with people, and then, even if I want to, I don't know how to do it.

Most people like to be followed and have followers; I also feel happy when I get notifications of new followers. Being an "idol", being liked, adored, respected, speaking influential, it feels good , it's addicting , even in a place as small as Matters - I know, I feel that ego bloat I feel, and therefore, I try to be as cautious and alert as possible.

I care about this so much, maybe because I know that having followers and fans, after all, doesn't mean a real relationship.

Do I want fans, or relationships?

In a real relationship, the interaction between people is equal, and only in this way can people establish a real connection . In the relationship between idols and fans, idols provide a product, a service, and an image that people aspire to become. All Internet celebrities who interact and chat with fans actually provide homogeneous services. The interaction between fans and idols is in such a framework, which will not and should not overflow the scope of brands and products. The relationship between fans and idols is not equal. In such a relationship, the roles of the two actors are well positioned. Those who are distorted and lose themselves are not only fans, but also idols themselves .

I write on Matters, I never feel like an author or a writer, the people who come to read are just readers, and I hate that "you just listen to me" feeling. I do my best to respond to people who leave messages for me, because I don't and don't want to think of them as just readers or fans. When a person is willing to spend time and effort on reading his own words, or even leave a message to you, and hand over a period of his life to you, what you can do, at the very least, is not to look into each other's eyes and be good speak ?

However, an equal relationship between people takes time to build, and speaking one-on-one as sincerely as possible takes time . I once read an article "The Death of the Social Network Path, and the Limits of the Human Brain " by @leafwind, one of the validators of Likecoin . The article quoted a study:

Robin Robin, an anthropologist at the University of Oxford, UK. In the 1990s, Robin Dunbar proposed the famous "Dunbar number" law: According to the intelligence and social activities of apes, it is inferred that the number of stable friends allowed by human intelligence is about 150 people.

Perhaps the maximum number of stable friends allowed by human intelligence is indeed only 150, but what humans pursue on social networking sites is much more than that.

Then he said:

We know that the concept of "friends" on social networking sites has evolved to be more like "fans," "believers," or those you want to get attention, rather than the earlier "extensions of real friends."

Many people use Facebook as a place to show off and let everyone see that they have a good life. Maybe you and I have experienced that period: I don’t care whether these people have deep emotional exchanges or rational conversations, Just get some vanity from the likes.

After reading this article almost a year ago, I keep remembering that there was a tingling sensation in the moment of reading that reminded me that I couldn't actually afford to be on Matters with all the people I wished to interact with, and I couldn't go to either. Follow and read all the people who clap for my articles. It stings because it directly forces me to face this: what you want is actually a fan, not a friend, right?

How to reduce the cost of operating fans: write an automatic clapping program, or automatic chatbot

That's why I've always felt uncomfortable running a self-brand. Self-branding in the age of social media requires interacting with people and fighting for emotions with readers and subscribers. And what self-marketing ultimately hopes to achieve is not a single unique interaction , but scaling, or the economies of scale in economics. In this case, what is needed are fans and followers: the smaller the cost of each single interaction, the better , so one-to -many is needed, and then the reach should be spread as much as possible. Is it too hard to customize a message for each reader? Then simply leave the same, or format the message. Messages take time? Then just clap your hands. How to reduce the cost per interaction? The ultimate, in fact, is the automatic clapping program , because that is the way to make the marginal cost of clapping (the cost of each additional clapping) equal to zero.

However, the real relationship of reciprocity can only be carried out one-on-one or in a small group. It cannot be scaled up or multiplied indefinitely, because we are individuals with limited time and mental power, and digital works can be copied indefinitely. , a song or an article can go viral in an instant and spread tens of millions of times around the world, but we, as humans, if we want to interact with another person, we can only look into one person's eyes and talk at a time.

For me, authentic people-to-people relationships and running a personal brand are two different things, and two things that are in conflict.

In real life, I am a person with no community, and Matt City is community to me.

When I come here, when I read different people's articles, it seems that I can hear everyone's voice. As human beings, we are all the same, busy with work, studying, worrying about all the trivial things in life, and sometimes intimate with partners or relatives sometimes Quarrel, worry about parents and children. But everyone is so different, the background of life is different, the style of writing, the voice of speaking, the music you like, the food you hate, and so many different details cannot be reduced.

I read everyone's story, and the feeling is as if many years ago, on the slope of the mountain behind Kiyomizu Temple, I saw tens of thousands of red maple leaves all over the mountain, but each maple leaf is different red , and each is gorgeous, like that beauty.

If I had endless time and life, I would want to stop, stop and watch, chat and laugh with everyone. …

But in the end, I know I don't have endless time.

Matters is a composite platform, a social writing platform, and a writing social platform.

The desire to write, to read, and to be read is mixed here.

Indeed, this is an age where authors cannot survive without socializing and interacting with readers. When an author publishes a book, he must also carry out various publicity activities (if the author is not running his own fan community, it can guarantee a certain amount of sales, and the publisher sometimes does not dare to help the author book), I understand, understand, and agree.

Because of the interaction and dialogue with a person, I began to become interested in his or her stories and concerns, and then opened up a whole world. The meaning generated by the connection is reading news, absorbing information, abstracting knowledge can never be replicated.

However, in the final analysis, I may not be willing or able to exchange social interaction and personality in exchange for being loved and being read.

Rather than having shallow interactions with many people, I crave deeper relationships.

When reading a book, although there is no way to interact with the author, immersed in the book, the connection with the work is the deepest.

When we talk, I still try to be as serious as possible, one-on-one, looking you in the eyes and talking to you.

I want to go back to writing, be completely honest with myself, emotionally or mentally, stretch out my whole self, write as best I can, and then throw it out like a letter in a bottle.

The deepest connection happens when being picked up, read, understood, and able to have some kind of resonance or meaning with the reader: you empathize with me, even if we never talked.