Depression self-help diary

All day today, I was depressed in the bedroom, rotten and smelly.

Because I woke up early in the morning and didn't know what to do, I spent a whole day playing with my phone in a hurry. In fact, it is better to say that there is no such heart than to say that there is nothing to do. How can things be less?

Preparing for exams, reviewing Korean, reading, writing, exercising, doing housework, skin care, socializing...it's just too many things! But I still don't have that motivation. I understand that it may also be laziness. I have been jumping between "lazy" and "overworked" all the time, and the result is either extreme laziness and degeneration, or excessive rushing forward, and finally I end up in a "dynamic balance". At least this process is very painful... When catching up, I regret that I didn't work hard enough, and I fell behind too much! When I was resting, I was secretly worried about the accumulation of things, and I couldn't rest in peace. I'm not trying to become a big man, not even a good ordinary person, so why do I live in such a miserable life?

I played games until 1:30 in the morning last night... I really felt dizzy when I woke up in the morning, and I didn't even feel that I was getting enough sleep, so I continued to play games all morning. In the afternoon and evening, I stayed up with videos, and it was time to sleep in a trance.

By the way, it's time to take a shower and wash your hair, it's been three days... In addition to the whole day at home today, the whole person looks even more sloppy. In this way, I am separated from the online world and return to the real world, the reality of needing to wash. All of a sudden, I have a lot of thoughts, and I take a bath while talking to myself, and then take care of my skin. How can I close the door of my heart that I finally opened up? So I started to write a diary, and I haven't written for a long time. When I think about the habit of writing thousands of words of "nonsense" every day, I feel that I have changed a lot.

Years ago, I was overly sensitive and could not bear the interference of various negative emotions. I prayed every day that I could become like an ordinary person and stop thinking wildly. Because of this and that feeling, I couldn't concentrate on doing most of the things, and I felt like a wreck. I produce a bunch of emotions and pleasures every day, and then one person writes them out. It's so tiring... or pointless... I'm completely stuck in my own world and can't get out.

Now, I have changed and become the ordinary person I envy in the past. Maybe just learn the fur, from one extreme to the other, I'm just numb. It is difficult to focus on yourself, let alone face your heart.

So, I want to regain my sensitivity, focus on myself, and experience the taste of every inch of emotion.