Parenting Lessons That Have Not Started - Don't Panic About Sex

Recently, I have been discussing whether my future son will become a fake like me. When I was a big man, I was stunned for a moment, not because I was thinking about how to teach my son by words and deeds, and train him to be a big tough guy who is loud outside, and a docile and cute little cutie at home, but what to communicate with such a gender concept. ? How to communicate?

But after thinking about it, it doesn't seem like it should be a problem, because in the end it is the child who makes the choice, and as a parent, perhaps what you should do is to guide and tell him what is true, such as where I come from, what should I do? How to chase female (boy) friends, the meaning of kissing on TV, etc., and when their bodies are mature, explain the changes and reactions of their sexual organs, as well as what will happen to him and the corresponding physiological desires. Of course, we should also talk to them as soon as possible. The children talked about how to view adult videos, although the scene is still a bit unimaginable.

The problem of "sex education" is difficult, and it is difficult because of cultural background, boys and girls receive different ideas of sex education. Sex education for girls may make girls treat sex negatively or make them resistant to sex; sex education for boys may make boys develop irresponsible attitudes towards sex and make them care too much own desires.

People often understand "sex" as "sexual relationship", so the content of education mostly stays on teaching girls to prevent sexual violence and teaching boys not to "get into trouble". As a result, when boys first grow up, their understanding of their own and each other's sexuality is fragmented and distorted, and they may even grasp distorted notions of sexuality.

This time, I read two small books, "Sex Education for Sons Without Panic and Laughing" and "Sex Education for Daughter Faced with No Fear and Fear". They have inspired a lot of communication about sex education. The author, Sun Jingyi, is a Korean mother. With more than 20 years of experience as a sex education lecturer, he is also the dean of the Korea Relations Education Research Institute. His children are taught this way.

The two books are not much in length, and they are very easy to read. The interesting thing about this book is not only how to communicate with children, but more importantly, it shares a lot of thoughts on communicating with children, and it talks about how to arrange the layout so that children can accept their parents. Suggest.

Conversations start when the child is born

Parents attach great importance to their children's prenatal education and infant education, and they are very particular about what kind of music to play, read and tell stories, and prepare educational toys for enlightenment. But when it comes to sex education, it is generally felt that "let's wait until the child reaches a certain age", and now I don't even understand how to teach it.

However, when children are young, it is precisely the enlightenment period of sex education, which is formed through dialogues with family members in family life, based on the premise of "relationship education", and continuous and consistent exchanges. Parents have the most subtle influence on their children at this time, because sex education is not only limited to sex, but how parents treat their children's bodies in ways and attitudes are all within the scope of sex education. It's like seeing a child's diaper wet and saying, "Did you pee, child?" Then when changing the child's diaper, I say to the child, "It's wet, it's uncomfortable. I'll change you a dry diaper right away." Not wet."

Don't worry that the child doesn't understand, the parents keep repeating this process, and the child will develop awareness of his own body and the idea that his body belongs to himself.

Cultivate your child's body to make autonomous decisions

Letting "children develop the right to make their own decisions about their bodies" is the focus of sex education. Others cannot touch their bodies without their consent. Even if relatives, elders, parents and friends see that the child is cute and want to do some intimate actions to the child, they still need the consent of the child.

Don't ignore this influence on children's feelings and judgments. Not all adults who are close to their parents can bring intimacy to children. The unfamiliarity of strangers, the smell of smoke, and beard residue may make children uncomfortable. . So before kissing a child, you need to get the child's consent, like saying, "My good boy is never picky eaters. Dad really loves you to death. Can I kiss you?"

Don't go too far when explaining to your child

Although it is said that the child's sex education should be started as early as possible, if you don't consider the growth stage of the child, and only instill too much in the child according to your own imagination, it will become a nuisance. According to the content of the conversation with the child, the best way to carry out sex education at different stages is when the child asks the parents about sex-related questions, and the parents are responding.

Ping-pong dialogue is like the process of the ball being repeated back and forth between two players in table-tennis, and the table-tennis dialogue refers to the process of constant questioning and answering between parents and children. To put it simply, parents do not blindly ask, and children do not blindly answer, but they go back and forth with each other, and ask and answer each other.

Sometimes the child will ask: "Mom, how did the baby come out?" Don't try to explain this kind of question too much, first understand the child's awareness and curiosity about sex, and then talk to him based on the child's actual understanding.

For example, how to explain to the child how the baby came out, you can use a building block toy as an example, say that between the two building blocks, the protruding one is male, and the concave one is female. When they meet, a baby is formed where they meet, and the baby is born ten months later. If the child asks, you can further talk about the process of the sperm and egg meeting, otherwise you can stop.

But it is also irresponsible to only tell the child that the sperm and the egg will meet and a baby will be born. Women who have sex with men do not necessarily get pregnant. There are more cases of inability to get pregnant due to contraceptive behavior, so parents also need to teach their children the knowledge of contraception, and tell their children that if men and women do not plan to become pregnant, there are ways to prevent sperm and eggs from meeting, and they should protect each other well.

Talk more frankly as a friend

There are no 100% perfect parents, let alone trying to be one. Only when parents admit that they are not perfect can children approach their parents with confidence and take the initiative to tell their faults or troubles in their hearts.

Having said so many ideas, I also recommend that everyone go to the book to read the ideas. If you have questions in it, you can also think about how you would answer the children if you were yourself. Finally, share how parents took the step of communication. Sex education is actually very simple (?), there is no need to feel awkward and embarrassed, just talk to the child about "everyday". You can talk about the changes in your child's body, what your child is playing with friends, or what your child has seen and heard at school. Even if it's only five minutes a day, parents should insist on talking with their children about some aspects of life. thing.

However, it is best to exclude the problem of grades that makes children feel stressed. This kind of problem can easily become speechless or become the child's review. In addition, it is time to talk about the parents themselves. The children are very curious about their parents, but It doesn't show up easily.

When communicating with children, you should also pay attention to the child's feelings. The most hated sentence for children is: "What do you know as a little brat? It's right to listen to your father!" Because parents may also make mistakes. In theory, they often make mistakes too. Such interactions can easily hurt the enthusiasm of the child, and feel that the parents are not qualified to speak to him, and over time the child will begin to ignore the opinions of the parents.

When parents are ignored, children's education is out of control, especially through media, peers, schools and other channels in the growth process, it is easy to come into contact with dangerous and distorted sexual knowledge. Discussing sexual knowledge can actually make them alienate themselves even more.

Parents of children actually want to communicate more with their children, but if they want their children to take the initiative to speak, parents must first let go of their majesty. Parents don’t need to talk about some good things. They can tell their children about the difficulties they encountered today, so as to attract their attention and empathy. When the children relax, they will tell their parents about their troubles.

If the child can really open his heart to his parents and is willing to communicate with them, then he will naturally bring up topics related to sex, so if the child never talks to the parents about this, then the parents have to review themselves. (?).