Read Share | Stop Calling Me Cheer, Okay? - The Law of Friendship

This article is going to share the part about how to maintain friendship.

Friendship needs to be cultivated

Maybe it takes fate to meet the right person, but whether it can last for a long time depends on personal training. Friendship needs to be cultivated, not just " fate "; opportunity gives you a chance, but if you don't grasp it, the opportunity will also run away.

3 principles of dating

Before talking about maintenance, let’s talk about making friends. The principles of making friends, I think there are 3 points:

1. I want to make friends. The first point of making friends is actually the starting point. You must first want to make friends before you can make friends. In addition to the superficial " want to make friends ", there are also more detailed screenings, that is, what kind of friends do you want to teach? Many people just say they want to make friends, but in fact they don't want to make friends with certain people. Friends, of course, you can't make those types of friends, and he even screened out more than half of them.

2. The other party also wants to make friends. If you want to make friends, but the other person doesn't want to make friends at all, then of course you can't make friends. Even if you force others, the friendship will be boring, and it shouldn't be forcing people in the first place. The starting point is different, and it cannot be forced.

3. Resonate. Even if you achieve the above two points, you may not be able to become friends. If you want to be friends, you must also have " resonance ". For example, if both of you like to watch movies, then maybe you will have the same topic to talk about; if you are both in the service industry, then maybe you can discuss which Aoker you met today...

maintain friendship

The book lists 7 principles for cultivating friendship, but I think it's enough to reduce it to the following 3 points:

1. Appropriate distance. In making friends, both parties have to maintain a proper distance. This distance varies from person to person, too close and it may be uncomfortable for both parties; too far away will reduce the intersection. If the distance required by the two sides is different, it is likely to be unsustainable. Suppose one of the parties needs a lot of personal space, but the other party wants to get to know each other deeply, then the line must be drawn. When you reach this line, don't ask any more; if you don't reach that line, try to share as much as possible. This is the way to make both parties comfortable.

2. Classification. Not every friend is the same type. Everyone is different. If the other person does not like to read, then you force others to read, and the relationship will definitely not be good. Therefore, you should help your friends categorize them into categories that can talk about things, those who can complain, and those who can ask a lot of questions. Those with different interests are different.

3. Contact. It’s important to keep in touch. It’s important to share something interesting occasionally, or to make regular appointments for a chat. It’s important for both parties to know how the other is. However, it should not be too often in contact, which is also related to the first point of proper distance.

in conclusion

Friendship needs to be cultivated. In making friends, it is necessary to achieve that both parties want to make friends and resonate with each other in order to have the opportunity to become friends. Whether it is possible to maintain friendship and seize this opportunity requires an appropriate distance to make both parties comfortable; classify friends into different categories, not forcing each other, respecting each other, and moderate contact.

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