Reading Notes "You don't have to fight the world, just hold an umbrella for yourself"

●The fact that the uncertainty brought about by this global pandemic is not going to end makes us all the more uneasy. However, in the same difficult and difficult situation, some people are emotionally unshakable and silently complete their work - what is their secret? Are they emotionally trained? The ability to be good at regulating emotions and not easily collapsed psychologically is undoubtedly a strong pillar for survival in this world. A strong mental state is also an indispensable asset to help us explore a better life.

●The disadvantages of perfectionism:

1. Perfectionism makes people set unreasonable goals and use any means to achieve them.

2. Perfectionism makes people unable to tolerate their own shortcomings and mistakes.

3. Perfectionism will aim to meet the expectations of others, and then lose the self.

4. Perfectionism consumes precious time and energy.

5. Perfectionism can cause restlessness, depression and stress.

6. Ultimate perfectionism tends to trigger burnout.

●Even if women and men have the same abilities, men are often given priority in society. In this situation, the few women who succeed with extraordinary will and hard work are often difficult to fully accept their achievements. Because there are not many similar examples, it is difficult for them to take their success for granted. Instead, they feel that they are lucky and succeed. Belittling one's own efforts in this way, mentally, like a fraudster, worried that his deeds of "deceiving" others will be exposed, so he always cares about other people's opinions. Of course, some men do, too, but it's relatively rare, because it's a typical state of mind that usually occurs when minorities in society experience success, a condition called Imposter Syndrome.

How to relieve the feelings of impostor syndrome?

1. Acknowledging feelings of impostor syndrome.

2. Meet people with similar experiences.

3. Record your own results every day and gain confidence in your own results.

4. Cherish the true self at this moment, even if the existing achievements collapse and disillusion, you are still yourself. Put yourself at the center at all times and develop the habit of loving yourself in the moment.

●Mature defense mechanism:

-Altruism. Replace the things you desire by giving to others.

- Asceticism (Asceticism). Pleasure is gained through the act of forbidding desire.

- Humor. Replace unpleasant emotions with jokes.

- Sublimation. Manifesting uncontrollable sexual urges or aggression in a socially acceptable manner.

- Suppression. Relieve or regulate impulses and conflicts in other ways.

●Four life attitudes determine interpersonal relationships:

1. Self-affirmation-other-affirmation type. Have a positive attitude towards everyone, including yourself and those around you. With this attitude, interpersonal relationships usually continue satisfactorily.

2. Self-Affirmation-Other-Negative Type. Self-centered attitude, thinking that only oneself is right and everyone else is wrong. This attitude tends to form exclusive relationships.

3. Self-denial-other-affirming type. An attitude that considers oneself inferior. Showing a sacrificial attitude by taking a negative perspective on self and a positive perspective on others. In this case, it is easy to form self-consumption interpersonal relationships

4. Self-denial-other-denial. The attitude of thinking that nothing is right, either in yourself or in the world. In the state of denying everything, it is often impossible to get along well with others, and conflicts arise from time to time due to differences of opinion.

● According to psychologist Mihali. According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, flow means: a state of being completely immersed in something, intoxicated with ecstasy.

It's not hard to concentrate! Easy ways to get into flow:

1. Set the most important questions

2. Create the most suitable environment

3. Regular exercise

4. Get more protein

●According to Quan Zhou Tan, author of "Psychological Strength: The Power to Overcome Low Ebbs and Adversities, and Turn People Upside Down", mental toughness consists of self-regulation/interpersonal skills/positive traits. If you feel that your life has fallen to the bottom because of failures and setbacks, then the only option left is to climb back up; please try to practice persistently to improve self-regulation, interpersonal skills and positive traits! Believe in hard work In the process, you will develop a strong mental toughness, and then you will become a more mature version of yourself that has escaped the hopeless situation.

●Unlock your inner shackles! Four steps to break the curse:

1. Look for external burst variables related to the situation and try to execute them.

2. If there is no change, look for another variable and execute again.

3. Repeat until the variable causing the change can be found.

4. Overcome superstition by finding the causes of change.

●If you feel very tired, it doesn't matter if you stop temporarily, you don't need to move forward blindly; on the contrary, if you want to make progress, it doesn't matter. If you are already exhausted, then try to start from now on and make all conditions prioritize "self"; "protecting yourself" should be your top priority. Of course, even if you master the laws of psychology, all your troubles will not be resolved immediately, and your melancholy will not disappear immediately. However, as long as you master the causes and solutions of your own emotions, and try to alleviate them, I believe that they will definitely bring great help.

~ Korea's first expert in psychological dialogue method / Oh Soo-hyang (오수향)

~ "You don't have to fight against the world, just hold an umbrella for yourself"

~《나를지키는매일심리학: 무자비한세상에서단단한방패막이되는34가지심리법칙》

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