Cosmos Daily Essay｜"Constant and Change"

I tell myself not to care what other people say - even though they don't actually say a word - and I hear it, when you're silent, I seem to hear people's voices right away. It's like some kind of mechanism : if I flip the switch, the light turns on; if I let go, the thing falls to the floor.

Anyway, I have always been so active, anyway, I have always been the one who loves you more. In any case, you can always make a fortune, excluding anyone else's eyes. You shuttle among the crowds in the city , one by one, miss again, ignore again, and continue to pass you by melancholy - and you always look at ease .

I don't remember when, when I stopped listening to each other's heart, the praise from others became more important.
The understanding is getting less and less, only the sincere greetings are left, the once inseparable relationship is just broken.

The love that was taken for granted was naturally left behind and buried in an invisible corner, thinking that he would never leave.
The love that was taken for granted was the first to be sacrificed, and when the tears flowed down my face, I realized that I could no longer let go of the regret.

The love that is taken for granted no longer exists, because it has been abandoned and sacrificed long ago. Only weeping and dripping tears, willing to accompany me in the dead of night, taking every affection and enthusiasm as a matter of course: aren't you such a person ? I can't stop delusional thinking. I learned a few days ago that this kind of emotion is called " rumination thinking " in psychology.

The mental state of the last month or two has not been very good. Coming to Matt City to write and write seems to be one of the best ways for me to temporarily escape the world. I know very well that I still have three revival elixir: writing , Christian faith , and my favorite indie band, Constance's Change Ball. I also clearly feel that the potency of these is gradually declining, and I seem to be getting sick.

I told myself not to care, to not let myself go by over-connecting the relationships between each concept. I remembered what I mentioned in the short article "Waterfall" , when Luo Pinwen said to Xiaojing with his last reason: " Don't ask me again 'Are you okay?' I promise you, I will try my best to get better ." I seem to You should say the same to yourself .

I can't seem to stop criticizing my subjective feelings, shouting the most ideal sincere interaction between people, but I can't let go of myself, even for just a second, I will think that this will be "too good to myself" As for easy fall . I was afraid of losing to anyone, worried that I would no longer be recognized by others, needed by the company, affirmed by teachers— but not myself .

Until I tasted Constance's changing ball again, "Hi There" sang:

Days and nights, the yellowed beauty flowing into the sea. But, youth, is no longer the look of your dreams.

Remembering the picture of "youth" is no longer the ideal vision that we had in our hearts in the past. Maybe it's proof that we're no longer young, or that he's whining away from us at an astonishing rate. However, when we come back to our senses, we no longer have every breath of our own. Anxiety and anxiety are leading us to live on.

This song "Can Good Things Happen to Me" expresses the deep roar of each of us to the absurd world:

Everything I really wanted was taken away by others, and I didn't decide too many things and it's just like this today. Then it turned into a rotten situation, and another dose of hope anesthetized the pain: I could only advance, but I couldn’t retreat; I couldn’t carry it, I couldn’t put it down, and I had to go.

Our half-hearted life - there is no future as blessed as you are.
How do we live our half-delayed life? How's it going?

I don’t know how to live in the future, and I can’t feel gratified for my friends who are living well. I even feel jealous of their smooth life. Why did the effort pay off?” explained. Are they favored? Responding in the affirmative just to make yourself feel better.

I'm tired of continuing to work hard without necessarily being rewarded; I'm tired of being the active role in relationships;
I'm tired of seeming to be moving forward and then hesitating; I'm tired of being insecure no matter how I prove it.

It's okay, I'm actually used to the life I hate; it's okay, I'm actually used to being bad;
It's okay, I'm actually used to a painful relationship; it's okay, I'm used to being with that person.

It's okay, I'm used to spending all my money every month; it's okay, I'm actually used to being poor;
It's okay, I'm used to avoiding problems, I'm even used to the way I hate myself.

The voices of vocalist ARNY and drummer Xiaomi shouted out grievances and grievances for us, in order to hope that each of us can become better and better, and applaud for our continued existence, not to be generous to righteousness, or to have a strong man to break his wrist. Consciousness can lead to an extraordinary life. Because life itself is worth pursuing, and living itself is the most courageous thing .

In short, keep moving forward, this is what I promised myself.