HJ Faith Notes | The Lies I Told: About Hypocrisy

Be braver, be more honest

A while ago, I watched one of my favorite recent movies , "Nomad Life" , and I was very impressed by a passage that seemed to explain in an instant why I was often used by others with a dumbfounded expression, or said with a slightly frowning expression, "Very good. Strange", but still willing to continue to be friends with me.

Perhaps because they cannot face the world or other people so bravely and so truthfully in their hearts, after seeing someone who is so "weird", they feel a little envious and a little strange, although it is usually the latter's emotion Mostly, however, that feeling is not deceiving.

You know when you were growing up you were eccentric to other people.
You maybe seemed weird, but it was just because you were braver and more honest than everybody else.

You look weird, maybe just because you're braver and more honest than everyone else.

There is no other reason why this short article is classified as "Notes of Faith" , precisely because when I think about the lies I have told, I find that the person I deceive is usually not someone else, but myself.

My lie is usually not "something I didn't do at all" and then deceive others to do it, but I clearly hate what the other party does, and I am very jealous of the other party's good things, but I still say to him: "Hahaha, it's okay . Hey, you're really great!" But in fact, he didn't think so at all in his heart.

In order to maintain a harmonious and kind atmosphere between churches and fellowships, I found that I could easily become a hypocritical person in a religious group. In front of them, I couldn’t tell the brothers and sisters who claimed to be able to “sincerely interact”. Those who seem to be really negative, bad emotions, pretending to be a good gentleman.

confession to yourself

The same thing happened to some of my best friends and even family members. When my best friend can successfully find the job I want or pass the exam, my first reaction at the moment is actually "jealousy" .

Even if their fields of expertise are different, I think I should get some "successful results" because I think from the bottom of my heart that I live my life more seriously than them, but I never get any real reward. Destiny always seems to tell me at the most critical moment: "Wait a minute, it'll be yours next time, okay?" And I couldn't say "no".

My father and I did not live in the same family due to economic factors since we were young. It was not until the family economy became more stable in middle school that it became the current "family of four" model. Perhaps because of this, coupled with different personalities and great differences in interests, I have always had a strange feeling of "nothing to say" to my father.

In the past six months, due to work factors, he often needs to travel away from home for more than three days. When a friend asked me: Do you feel a little bored or what? Although I said "yes" to him, the deep feeling was actually a little happy, because I can finally have my own quiet space at home, and no one will disturb me.

When talking about family among friends, I always say to them: Oh yes, I think my family is not bad. In fact, I lied to them once again, and also lied to my truest feelings.

In order not to feel strange in their eyes, in order to defend the "peace" between groups, pretending to be kind and loving to interact with them, the most paradoxical thing is, facing the more familiar people But it's easier.

attempt to banish oneself

In "Nomads", the protagonist explains his state to others. He says, "It's not that I don't have a homelessness, I just don't have a house. These two are different, right?"

I stayed at home for a long time due to the epidemic factor, and I got along with my family two or three times more than usual, and various differences became more and more obvious. Only then did I realize that I only knew my home when I left home. meaning.

If you stay in the same place all the time, it will make it meaningless, and it will gradually be reduced to "home", "sleeping place", and finally limited to "space". This seems to prove that constant stillness will not bring about the interpretation of meaning, and life can only gain the true meaning of home by constantly flowing and traveling around.

The tone of this article is a note of faith, which is a bit like a Catholic "confession". Writing these words is a confession of my own shame and hypocrisy, and it is also a prayer to the God I believe in, may He be able to Made me wiser to express my truest emotions, made me a braver, weirder person.