014 | The Way to Happiness

This article is "The Courage to Be Hated 2" after reading

After reading "The Courage to Be Hated 2" , I was once again shocked by Adler's psychology of "Avenue is Simple". In fact, the problem of life is really very simple. All your problems are of your own "choice" , and conversely, there are no problems in life that you cannot change.

If all the troubles and troubles in life are chosen by "self",

Conversely, all the happiness and gains in life can also be "achieved" by oneself.

Maybe, everyone will think that my words must be said in a very smooth life, living a life without food and clothing. But on the contrary, starting next week, I'm going to live a life of "losing my job".

But at this moment, I am more motivated and fighting spirit than usual. Of course, I'm not encouraging everyone to not go to work. Presumably, all of you should already be "social people" with more or less work experience. Whether you admit it or not, no one works for "money". Each of us is working for "self-existence" . And money is just a certain kind of weight.

As long as you have a job, no matter what form of work, it means that you have "social value" .

Social value does not depend on the amount of "reward". There is no high or low orientation of "value" here, and in order for human beings to survive, "sense of self-worth" is a necessary element . That is to say, once a person loses "self-worth", he will face death . This kind of death is sometimes mental and sometimes physical. Just like when a person dies, his "self-worth" disappears. This is why in modern society, there is such a high proportion of people suffering from mental illness.

Because in times of peace, mankind has lost the goal of "common resistance" . Without the sense of community that sacrifices and sacrifices for "peace and love", human beings will of course slowly move towards a kind of spiritual annihilation under the instigation of consumerism.

But the reality is that the cause of this mass "psychological defect" is ourselves. We ourselves have chosen such a way of life that we have gradually forgotten the most important subject of our being as human beings: self- reliance.

Self-reliance is not because you have a decent job and income, it is not financial or material at all.

The ultimate meaning of self-reliance is whether you "respect" yourself.

If you only talk about theory, it will be reduced to empty talk.

According to Adler's theory, the specific behavior of "respecting oneself":

1. Accept that you are a normal person.

That is to say, there is no unrealistic fantasy about yourself, and there is no grievance of underappreciated talent, and you accept everything about yourself completely, openly, and bravely. Since you are an ordinary person, you can connect with others in parallel without any distinction between high and low. This is also the first step of "love".

2. Believe in your ability to change.

In my past articles, I have emphasized many times that everyone has the ability to change. When receiving coaching training, there is a saying that the instructor has always taught us, we must believe in the autonomy of everyone, that is, everyone has the ability to become a better self. There are two forms of trust in society, one is "credit", that is, the conditional exchange of value, such as you go to the bank for a loan, or use labor in exchange for remuneration, which all belong to the scope of credit.

The other is "trust", that is, "unconditional belief". What is unconditional is the belief that a certain thing will happen no matter how the environment, resources you have, or your state of mind changes. This belief is not caused by objective environmental factors. That is, not what happened to make you believe anything. It is you who believe that you will be aware of this happening when it happens, and then "validate" an idea. The "pregnant woman effect" or the "law of attraction" are both based on this theoretical premise.

3. Have the courage to grow up

Most people's "happy life" is like praising "other people's children", only to see the beauty as a window display. This is the difference between "adult" and "child". The child does not need to consider others, he can take unconditionally and ask the world to meet his needs. And "self-reliant adults" know the necessity of "courage", choose a way of life, and bravely embark on the journey. Do not complain, do not blame anyone else, on the road to your own happiness independently, although lonely, but not lonely.

4. Have the courage to want happiness.

I think there is no one in this world who does not want to live a happy life, right? It’s just that you can ask yourself, how much do you contribute to the “happiness” you want? For example, if you want to get the freedom of "freelance", you must deal with the risk of "unstable income"; if you want to marry a wealthy family, you need to be prepared to deal with the grievances of the wealthy family; if you want to own a famous car or a luxury house, you must bear the corresponding material conditions ; If you want to become a corporate executive, you must take the corresponding responsibilities; if you want to start a business, you must learn to face failure... The first step in these results is often very dangerous. To start a business, you must resign first, and make money first. Money, development and resumption of business must first expand skills...

Therefore, to be happy on the other side, to take the first step, it just needs "courage".

Although in the face of the unknown of unemployment, it is self-deception to say that I will not be confused and helpless, but at the same time, I want to rely on myself and believe in my determination more than ever. My heart is full of gratitude. I also deeply realize that, except this person, no one else can make me happy.

May everyone be a better version of themselves.