An interview with a cancer-stricken writer's book - "Reading Saved Me"

(The original text was published in Function Words Intangible)

Text｜Wang Hanliang

Death is a predictable accident that everyone cannot avoid, but when it occurs, it is always caught off guard and unprepared. Two years ago, Xiaoshu published her first collection of essays, opened a bookstore "Xiaoshushe" in the downtown area, was invited to tell a story on a radio show, and realized three dreams at once, being able to do everything with books She considers herself a lucky one for related work. But in this year, she suffered from bone cancer. In the sick bed, she continued to read and write books. Reading, she said, saved her life. "When I am alone, books and words are my greatest comfort."

dream of writing a little book

Xiaoshu himself is a primary and secondary school teacher. Ten years ago, he resolutely resigned to start a business. He founded a cultural and creative activities and market planning company. He also opened his own facebook page under the pseudonym "Xiaoshu" to share his life and reading experience. . She said that she named it "Little Book" simply because her wish was to publish a "Little Book". Her dream of becoming a writer originated from her love of reading the books of school literature writer Anong since she was a child. She laughed and said that she did not read many books when she was a child, but she was deeply impressed by Anong's "Qingguo Yiji". Ah Nong's works made her start to write, "opened the door to my reading, and made me understand that good works don't have to be difficult to choose words, as long as they sincerely hold the heart of communicating with readers, what they write must be beautiful words. "

In addition to planning the market, Xiaoshu began to plan the "Book Market Cultural Festival" in 2017, combining the market and the book fair, so that people who usually seldom visit bookstores can also have the opportunity to read books in the market. Small, independent Publishers also have the opportunity to introduce books to the mainstream public. Xiaoshu's enthusiasm for books is more than that. By 2021, she will open a bookstore - "Little Bookstore". In the early days, the bookstore was located in a trendy shopping mall in Mong Kok. From time to time, students in school uniforms and holding pearl milk tea walked into the bookstore, curiously picking up books to read. Xiaoshu took this picture secretly, "I feel very happy to open a bookstore. I am very happy when I see people reading books. Seeing the bookshelves full of books is like a dream come true."

Also in 2021, Xiaoshu finally published her first collection of essays. "Little Love Letter" is a collection of her writing after resigning from teaching. Favorite book, comment on Chinese and foreign movies. Just like Xiaoshu's idol Anong, "Little Love Letter" allows her writing to enter the campus. At the same time, because of the relationship between opening a bookstore, she was invited to host a program on Xincheng Telephone to share books. It seems that under the arrangement of fate, she can do all things related to books.

However, at this moment, fate "sent her on a train that came suddenly, had no end, and was full of unknowns and fears."

Use books to fight cancer without leaving regrets

One night in September 2021, Xiaoshu looked in the mirror after taking a shower and found a swollen piece on the right side of his face near his temple. She rushed to the hospital for medical treatment. After a computer sketch check, she found that the situation was serious. Her right temporal bone had been completely swallowed by a mass. Afterwards, she saw two neurosurgery specialists and performed a craniotomy to remove the mass. The test results showed that she had bone cancer and needed electrotherapy to destroy the cancer cells.

Shocked by the bad news, Xiaoshu described his mood at the moment as "blank". She had never noticed that death was so close. She may not live to grow old.

So when she was lying on the hospital bed, she wrote down her funeral arrangements, how to deal with the relics, use that photo as a photo, etc., and what kind of funeral she wanted. Others may feel unlucky, but she said, "When I am still conscious and have a little control over my body, it is very considerate to arrange everything after my death and save my family's worries."

Xiaoshu is still reading during her cancer fight. Whenever she talks about her favorite books, she always talks endlessly. "For example, this book, "The Stranger in the Forest", is about a solitary person who went to live in the forest by himself. He lived there for twenty-seven years without contacting anyone. Until he His existence was only discovered when he was caught on CCTV when he broke into a holiday house to steal food. The book is very large, and it is about how he faced loneliness in the forest.”

Loneliness is also Xiaoshu's feeling during this period. "I felt like I was fighting alone, as if I was facing difficulties alone. After I found out that I had cancer, I didn't tell my mother. I just said that I would have an operation, fearing that she would not be able to bear it."

In her solitude, she finds solace only in books, seeing how others face death. The book talks about Yoko Sano's "Useless Days", which is the diary of the last days of Yoko Sano's life. She found out she had breast cancer and was even told she had only two years to live. But there is no negativity in the book, only her direct vision and indifference to life and life. Xiaoshu found a common feeling in the book, "If I really want to die, I have no regrets. I use up my time every day to do what I should do."

The little book also mentions another book, "Death and Life Notes", which is a letter between the couple. Her husband, Owen, is a master of existential psychotherapy and is famous for treating death anxiety. His wife, Marilyn, is a feminist scholar. Marilyn was diagnosed with cancer at the beginning of 2019, and the days are not long, so the two couples co-authored this book in the form of letters. Even though Owen is a master of psychotherapy, it is unbearable for his beloved wife to leave him. "No one is immune to the pain and fear of death, and everyone is equal." Xiaoshu recorded his feelings while reading a book when he was sick, "Try to live without regret before the deadline, and death will not Too arrogant."

In the face of death, want to help others

You Xing Xiaoshu finally wiped out all the cancer cells after 30 sessions of electrotherapy, but the fear of death has not gone away. "The doctor said that it is easy to relapse in situ. What is in situ recurrence? It means that the tumor regenerates in this position. I asked what should I do if the recurrence is? The doctor said to re-electrocute and re-cut."

Suffering from cancer, the so-called recovery is only temporary. Xiaoshu needs to go to the hospital for check-ups regularly to ensure that the cancer has not recurred. Although the lingering fear lingers, she is still working hard to reorganize her life. She combined her experience of illness, arrangements for her funeral, and her reading feelings into a book again, and published "Little Love Letter 2" at the end of last year.

Confucius once said, "If you don't know life, how can you know death?" But it is precisely because she has experienced the fear of death that she can perceive the meaning of life and influence life with life. On her sickbed, she read "Death, Don't Be Proud" by Su Enpei, the founder of Breakthrough Agency. Su Enpei is a Christian. He suffered from lymphoma when he was a child. He used to be a middle school teacher, but the cancer recurred. In the last ten years of her life, she founded "Breakthrough" magazine, hoping to help lost teenagers with words. After reading this book, Xiaoshu found out that the writer Ah Nong who inspired him to read and write books was originally a colleague of Su Enpei, so Ah Nong was invited to write in "Breakthrough Boys". It was Ah Nong's book "Breakthrough" that led Xiaoshu on the road of writing.

No one can escape death, but reading can give courage to face death. This is the magic of books, connecting lives in different time and space. "Writing is a wonderful thing. It can really transcend time. Books are the most tangible things left to people." Just like the pseudonym Xiaoshu changed for herself at the beginning, she would not imagine that she would do great things and change the whole world. city, but she will always write her experience into a little book. "As long as it affects some people and helps them face the difficulties of life, it is already very good."

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