long goodbye

I had a dream last night, still dreaming of a friend who has not been in contact for a long time and lost contact. In the dream, she sent whatsapp, saying that because of the move, she hadn't read the news for a long time, and then a few photos of snow in Toronto. I was very happy at the time, thinking that I finally got back in touch and got back together.

woke up. Of course it's impossible. In reality, she posted IG's news on her own, without any shared feelings. It's like watching movies, watching dramas, etc., as if it happened last year.

I still can't let go of this silent alienation. It is not rational enough. Friends, relatives, and lovers are staged companions. Don't expect it to end from the beginning, and don't expect people to always have so many desires to talk, experience, language, and topic exchanges. Don't expect them to take the same interest in my life. What is the difference between such friends and those in the circle of friends, no need to contact, occasional likes, the existence of life in life is almost equal to nothing, tasteless feelings.

The sad thing is that I created such a predicament myself, from starting a conversation to chatting to death, to losing interest, to finding another partner. Most people do this with peace of mind, and I may be, but I am relieved to say goodbye to the many unexpected encounters in life. It's like becoming an adult who doesn't care from now on, and I clearly don't want to. In the end, they can only appear in my text and live into material again.

Today's dream is very happy, but that's it. After thinking about it, I finally sealed the conversation with her. A decent person didn't want to block it, and there was no follow-up, so it could be regarded as a formal farewell. I no longer have to be tortured by this nostalgia.

It's just that it was very long, and it left a dull wound on my body, and it kept flashing back in the days to come, reminding me that it was just a tasteless love. Learning how to face the loss that cannot be grasped may become lighter, more ruthless, and more free.