In the middle of the night, I suddenly dream of juvenile affairs, why the past is always better than smoke

When I woke up from the afternoon nap, I tossed and turned for a few times, and I couldn't let go of the sleepy aftertaste. I suddenly remembered what happened in my dream, and I couldn't help but tell A Yuan - I dreamed that everyone was still a child, only I grew up, mother. After speaking, I secretly wiped a few tears. In the dimly lit room with the curtains drawn tightly, I could hear the sound of hawking from the street outside the window. Actually, I'm not too sad, but it's just sad, like taking some "physiological sadness medicine", the sadness hormone goes straight to the brain center, and cannot be separated from logic and reason.

The fragment of the dream is simple and vague. I was walking on the streets of my hometown, and all I saw was the old scene. The scorching sun, the highway, the alleys with abandoned bicycles parked on both sides, and the middle-aged women sitting in the shops, but those appearances were not clear. The only thing I could see clearly was a child on the street shouting to the six-storey building, "Hey, come down and play!" Then I could hear the sound of the screen being opened, and a fat head stuck out, saying that I should go first After eating this meal, wait for me!

I can't remember who that head is, but it feels familiar. It may be a classmate stored in the corner of the brain, or it may just be the free play of a dream. I don't remember anything else, but I still remember one thing. The floor tiles on the street are red and hexagonal, and they are tightly embedded, which is not much different from reality.

Why is such a dream so sad? Maybe it's because of the noise and noise outside the window that reminds me that I lived on the street when I was a teenager, and always got up on weekend mornings with promotions, shouting, and the sound of car engines. I don't often think of these things, but my mind still helps me remember them. I only open the stopper by chance and pop out with a "pump", and there is nowhere to hide. Just wait for the tears to flow. When Bai Juyi wrote "Pipa Xing", there is a violin master who "did a dream about juvenile affairs in the middle of the night, dreaming of making up tears and tears", "suddenly" is the key word, because everyone suddenly thinks and dreams suddenly, only then will they realize that life has ended. Earth-shaking changes have taken place, and I suddenly realize that people are no longer young, and I can't help but feel sad. No one sheds one percent of a tear every day by calculating the change in himself from the previous day.

This "sudden" arrival shows that the past is not as good as smoke, and it always shakes people's hearts - both stories and reality are inevitable, which may also be the core driving force of the emotion of "moving". Recently I was playing a game called "Soul Ferry", which is called spiritfarer in English. Its overall atmosphere is very touching. The characters in it often only need a few words to make the player's nose sore, which also depends on the collision between the player's own memory and the game story.

The background of the game is actually very simple. After the protagonist died, he came to a sea of souls, took over the duties of the previous spiritfarer, and led the lost souls to his ship, and took them to travel around, and finally to the other side. When he took over, the last spiritfarer said something very sad. He said:

"In a few minutes, I'm going to leave this world. When I'm gone, you must find a ship of your own. My ship can't be given to you. It will disappear with me."

After that, he drove his boat away. The beginning of this paragraph is like a dream, which makes people feel sad, but there is absolutely no solid cause and effect: the first time you meet this person, you never have anything to do with him, and you can't even remember the name he just introduced himself. Yes, but you just feel sorry for his few words, for his passing and passing.

In fact, you are not sad for him, but sad for yourself, for a person will disappear completely sooner or later, leaving no trace - not even a ship. "The tree is like this, how can people be worthy", Huan Wen of Jin Dynasty looked at the tree he planted when he was young, and he was sad. The sadness was the finiteness of all things and the infinity of time-everything was going to disappear after all. How can it be accepted?

In the game, I also picked up a soul who claimed to be "my" uncle. All the souls in the game are animal figures, and he is a blue toad who loves to do carpentry and eat popcorn. Once, he told me a story about popcorn, initially complaining:

"Those kids in my family eat popcorn when watching TV at night. The sound of chewing is so loud that I can't even hear the TV. It's really annoying!"

But the next sentence pierced my heart:

"But I really miss their voices, and it's a pity I can't go back."

The moving thing about this part is that he really can't go back because he's dead. When you are alive, you recall the past and miss your relatives. Although you have been separated for a long time, there is always a chance to see you again, but when you die, nothing is left. The past is frozen like a static photo, and you have no possibility to participate. When I was a child, I slept in a room alone, often staring at the moonlight on the ceiling and thinking, what if my grandmother and grandfather were dead when I woke up tomorrow? Every now and then, I was so frightened that I couldn't sleep, trying to stick my head out to see if they were still alive. Death is a terrible thing, and I still feel that way to this day.

Writing this, I don't know why I think of "Romance of the Three Kingdoms" again. I have loved the story of the Three Kingdoms since I was a child, and I have played many games of the Three Kingdoms. When I was a teenager, I felt that the saddest part of the story was Zhuge Liang’s failure in the Northern Expedition and the stars fell five feet away, but now I feel that the saddest part has never been this scene. scene, but the years when he first came to prominence. When Zhuge Liang first came out, he asked the boy in the house to take care of the fields and houses. After he settled the world, he would return to cultivate the fields and study, and then he would become a Longmu citizen.

At that time, he was full of ambition and wanted to be Guan Zhongleyi, but no matter what, he never imagined that he would be trapped in Sichuan and Shu all his life, and finally died on the northern expedition that failed countless times. I think that Zhuge Liang felt regretful when he died, but what really caused him pain, and what made readers sigh with emotion, was the initial good wish to "gong Longmu" and the shattering of this wish.

And even more so for Cao Cao. When he was young, he sent an edict to attack Dong Zhuo, who was kidnapping the emperor, and gathered eighteen princes to make an alliance. Cao Cao held Yuan Shao's old friend's hand tightly, recalling the anecdote of "stealing a bride" in his early years, but he never expected that thirteen years later, he had personally ruined the future and life of his old friend. What made him even more unexpected was that he would, like Dong Zhuo, who he was about to crusade, rely on the emperor to make the princes, and truly overthrow the Han family.

Many years later, he has become the de facto emperor, and was scolded by Han officials as "Dong Zhuo No. 2". He probably also remembers the cup of blood wine he drank with the eighteen princes many years ago (most of the princes have been taken by Cao Yuan. Destroyed), and thinking of his dream at that time, it was just to engrave on the tombstone "The Tomb of the General Han's Expedition to the West". It is inevitable that the dragon slayer turns into a dragon.

If their lives were really a tragic dream, then "Eighteen Route Princes Asking for Dong" and "Three Gus Thatched Cottage" is where this dream started, but no one knew at the time that this dream would deviate so far , so far that he encountered a major node in his life, Fang suddenly woke up, but could no longer change. The past is not as good as smoke, and most of the happiness and misfortune in people's hearts come from this.