Europe in fading （附招生廣告）

This trip started from the periphery of Europe, all the way through the heart of the Habsburg Empire, and finally arrived at the center of the European Union. Many things happened in between, but the schedule was so compact that I didn’t get any time to reflect on every moment. Here are some pieces.

Let’s stay positive. Sarajevo is amazing!!! Jasminko Halilovic‘s enthusiasm, innovation, and empathy toward war survivors and children’s experiences generated this journey. Conversations with one of my colleagues, Merima, in the storage room made me consider the unequal distribution of resources between developed and developing countries. The European Museum Award Conference opened a window which allowed me to see how European intellectuals (outside academia) interpreted historical heritage, global issues, and human rights in today's world.

Many thoughtful conversations and touching moments emerged in Seggau. Thanks to Graz’s staff and HK girl, Yvonne for inspiring me not to be scared of political controversy regarding Taiwan on the first day. Dear Luis kept reminding me that nothing is more important than people, “talk to them!”, so I tried my best for the rest of my time in Europe. In Sean’s words, “the majority is the one that has the ability and resources to build bridges with the minority,” reveal a new perspective on migration. Professor D.E. Walicek’s presentation was another touching moment, the same as my first time visiting the War Childhood Museum, and both reminded me that written personal experiences are the best way to resist the forgotten and invisible voices from those who have been or are still suffering injustices. It was definitely a pleasure to have Maxine, a single mother with three daughters, as a roommate, you and Rita expanded the limit of my imagination on what I am able to achieve.

Dear Saptarko, the truth is I like that we stood up for each other when that discrimination bullshit happened in the Oszenhausen. Good times and good laughs helped cross the boundaries between culture and gender differences, these are the only things I will remember about the EU program, not “they”.

A four-month journey in Europe feels like destiny. It allowed me to reconsider what Europe means to me. For a long period, “Europe” was not merely a topic of study; it was my enlightenment. Europe is the cradle of all the ideas which I stand for, like revolution, liberalism, democracy, freedom of speech, labour unions, and human rights. If I have the ability to rebel against Confucius' ideology with independent thinking, if I am courageous enough to challenge the ancient social expectation toward a woman or a “good citizen”, if I know how to stand up for myself or other people, it’s probably because I studied European history. I spent my best age reading about/researching on/travelling around/living in Europe. Finally, I became who I am now.

But what I hate, such as war, genocide, racial discrimination, Islamophobia, nationalism, colonialism, and the ambiguous attitude toward the evil of power, all came from Europe too. One of my remarkable memories of Europe was the tired and worried faces of migrants awaiting an uncertain destiny in the Budapest train station. It was the fundamental reason why I finally left, and it was the motivation of going back to school. And now, (thanks UofT’s education and generosity for this trip,) I finally have enough confidence and theoretical base to challenge some of these Eurocentric narratives.

The 2019 summer is so crazy but definitely worth it. Although I was a bit reluctant to leave Europe in 2015, I got another opportunity to completely draw my European dream to the end, but with a better vision (?).

Finally, the girls I met during this summer, especially those who come from Balkan, thanks for showing me a better world than what I had studied.

碩士指導教授email給我研究所招生說明廣告希望我分享給現在的研究所，這段誤打誤撞的大齡人妻學術旅程又浮上心頭。

幾年前移民到加拿大後，從沒認真學英文的我開始去上政府的移民班語言課，上著上著覺得生活也無礙，就是很難在餐桌上和婆家人辯論政治議題，加上加拿大的移民顧問總是說橫豎要去拿個加拿大本地學位，於是我決定申請離家最近的多倫多大學的碩士班來增進英文能力。而受到對林志玲刻板印象的誤導(?)，一直以為多倫多大學就是個普通程度的城市大學，完全沒考慮到難度，挑了一個當下最有把握被錄取的所就申請了，沒想到就這樣隨意地改變了本來過得很閒散的人生軌跡。

入學後，對於當時已經38歲、才剛認真學英文的我來說，一切都很吃力，碩士班兩年我大概斷了所有的社交活動，每天都含著淚水讀書和寫論文；和小自己15歲以上的菁英同學們坐在一起上課討論時，總會為自己莫名的選擇感到驚奇，實則年輕時就想和娘一樣到北美洲讀書，卻因為太害怕英文了、死不相信自己能用英文和其他人對談，而放棄英語系國家，寧可學德文去德國(誒)，誰知道人生總會有峰迴路轉的機緣帶你回到似曾相似的路上。

讀這個碩士完全把我自己推向的舒適圈外：除了英文，本身是歷史背景，但一半以上的課程是從沒接觸過的社會科學；在台灣讀書時只是個中字輩大學的中等學生，但進了競爭激烈、世界排名17左右的頂大後，只好強迫自己也拿出百分之一百二的努力去探索自身能力的極限；畢業學分含歐洲實習，於是一輩子沒寫過求職信的我（原來是自由工作者，案子都是朋友介紹的）開始去上相關課程學習如何跨國申請工作；不擅長講話和不喜歡社交的我為了把獎學金最大化，在歐洲時還參加了兩個夏季學校，和世界各地不同的學生討論問題，甚至在歐盟夏季學校聯合各亞洲國家的學生組織抗議行動(?)。

之於人生來說，自己在柏林晃蕩7年有餘，當我離開德國和歐洲、結婚、移民到加拿大時，心中總覺得還有未竟之事在歐洲，在加拿大最初幾年，老是被不能言明的遺憾困擾。然而隨著在這個歐洲研究所重溫歐洲的政治和歷史、還有碩一暑假再次回到歐洲工作和生活數月，讓我終於認清這塊大陸的所有缺點，可以毫無遺憾的說再見。（請不要誤會，歐洲也是有優點的，否則也不會把自己人生最精華的歲月都消耗在那裡。）

當初選這個兩年制的碩士學位純屬意外，但卻改變和提升(?)了我這個人。所謂提升並非指學歷方面，雖然在這個所申請到各種獎學金的確有改善我在台灣一毛都申請不到而產生的自信心低落。重點在於這兩年我重新認識了自己的內在：原來自己也有全力以赴的一面，當然焦慮感也應運而生，我也因此重新探索了自己過去鬱鬱寡歡的原因。這大概是當初只是為了「提升英文能力來和婆婆吵架」如此兒戲的原因而去讀書沒有想到的收穫。

以至於我又發了瘋地在40歲這年申請博士班（完全沒必要）。

於是這篇文章最後，我非得要強力推薦多倫多大學歐洲和俄羅斯研究所（European and Russian Affairs）給正在讀人文學科／社會學科、想出國讀碩士，又不確定要不要走學術路線的讀者（到底讀者是誰啦）。

這是一個不管你大學是政治、經濟、歷史、國際關係、社會學、人類學、犯罪學、法律等背景都可以讀的所，入學後可以根據你有興趣的領域在多倫多大學隨意選課，比起多倫多大學其他的碩士班的獎學金名額和金額少之又少，這裡光入學獎學金就高達一年一萬加幣（不分國際生還是本地生，只要在每年二月一日之前完成申請就有機會得到），每個學生暑假都有4000加幣到歐洲實習三個月，此外，每年有三、五門課補助機票住宿的歐洲田野課程，也有各種獎學金到歐洲和中亞交換學生，除了學術研究，所上也會舉辦很多職業講座，並幫忙介紹已經在政府的國際部門或大型NGO工作的學長姐來幫你拓展人脈。

以上，就收尾在如果有什麼問題可以寫信問我這一句。

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