After reading "sparks", I no longer want to be a silent person

During this period, I read several books, documentaries and interviews on political history, and learned about the hidden truths, the emotions that were ruthlessly destroyed, and the kind and kind people who were persecuted under the totalitarian system. Fiery man.

Because I received these heavy messages, I suppressed too many things that I wanted to express in my heart, but I could rarely express them to the people around me, and I was afraid of bringing too many negative emotions to others. Simply record it in words, which is scattered and confusing, but it is much better than keeping it in your heart. After all, I started searching for “political depression” related stuff on YouTube, and I figured it was time to find an outlet.

What particularly impressed me was the film "Searching for Lin Zhao's Soul" by Chinese independent documentary director Hu Jie. I saw a kind-hearted woman full of empathy, an ideal, romantic and sincere woman, a woman who hopes that China can A noble soul who truly realizes freedom, democracy and progress, but her final ending makes people so sad and angry. Such figures and such endings are played out again and again in this land.

I particularly like what Lin Zhao wrote in the poem "Song of the Seagull":

What sin have we committed? kill? set fire? Robbery in the dark? Nothing - just a village, we release freedom into air and food.

And she wrote in her long poem "The Passion of Prometheus" published in the journal "Spark":

Fire should only belong to humans, how can it be hidden in heaven forever? Even if I don't steal the fire, people can find the light themselves.

How can people drill holes when they have a house? How can a bird be thrown into a cage after entering the forest? When there is fire, there will be fire left behind, which hurricanes cannot extinguish and floods cannot wipe out. Fire will lead humanity to liberation.

After watching this documentary that night, I lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. As I wiped away my tears, I told myself that I would never watch this kind of video at night again. In the dark night, all I could hear was the sound of traffic passing by outside the window, and my own sobs. A huge feeling of powerlessness engulfed me. But in the deepest part of my heart, there seemed to be a small fire ignited, bringing me a touch of warmth, and I seemed to see a glimmer of light shining in the dark night.

In the blog I don’t understand, I learned about Dr. Gao Yaojie, Programming Caprice, personal reporter Jiang Xue, Sitongqiao Warriors, as well as the democracy fighters Zhang Chunyuan, Tan Chanxue, and Xiang Cheng mentioned by Hu Jie in the "Spark" documentary I also learned about director Hu Jie, director Ai Xiaoming, historian Tan Hecheng, and Tibetan female writer Woeser through the book "Sparks". I also learned about the Daoxian Incident in Hunan, the Jiabiangou Incident, Tibet 1958...I am very grateful to the author Ian Johnson for letting me read such an excellent book. Whenever I see these heavy histories through words and images, I often feel horrified. I know that there are many, many more cruel facts than this.

Yes, if I don’t take the initiative to find and understand these facts, I don’t think I will be able to know them in this life. Their purpose is to make us forget history and plunge the entire society into a continuous cycle of amnesia. They want to implant those beautified "junk" into our brains. You don't need to be a thinker, you just need to be an obedient person.

I can't ask everyone to "wake up", and I don't have the right either. But when I see people close to me gradually becoming indifferent and numb bystanders, I feel great sadness. I am like a person standing on the shore and watching them being swept away by the torrent of the times. I want to I stretched out my hands to hold them, but I couldn't, couldn't, I could only watch them getting further and further away from me, until they disappeared from my sight.

Recently, I have been thinking about where my sense of powerlessness comes from. I think it is because deep down in my heart I love this land. This is my hometown. I don’t want to see this land become more and more... barren. Even if one day I no longer live in this land, my destiny has already been deeply tied to it. I will never forget that boy riding a bicycle, facing the camera and saying: it's my duty.

Wang Danyang published an article on Duan Media titled "Stranger: Wandering in My Mother Tongue, I Learned Screenwriting in Canada." The article ended with:

The change in geographical location will not make me break away from the familiar sense of decline. On the contrary, in the tranquility overseas, it will become more and more mellow. Because I am in close communication with it. It contains my culture, my language, everything I know through it, and together they are my destiny.

I don’t want to be the silent one. I know that I am not alone. No matter in the past, present or future, no matter where I am, there is always someone in the corner, using their own power to shine a tiny light.

They are like scattered stars. When they come together, the light will inevitably illuminate the dark road ahead.