Read to see life | "Childhood Injuries, Emotions Know" Embrace the gloomy child inside and regain trust and love

about the author

Author Stefanie Stahl is a master of psychology, specializing in "improving fear of relationships", "strengthening self-worth" and "healing the inner child".

book abstract motivation

This book categorizes the characteristics of the inner child in detail and can be used as a reference book, as complete as a dictionary. Maybe everyone's inner child has various characteristics to varying degrees, and we can take better care of ourselves through observation and understanding.

Here, we will use the original book structure to select more resonant content to record and share.

Most of the haze in life is because we block our own sunshine.

inner child

Everyone has a child inside, and the inner child is part of the personality. Knowing yourself and understanding how your psychological needs should be met can lead to a good life.

find gloomy kids

Through your inner voice, as well as your own cognition, observe the beliefs (e.g., thoughts, prejudices, obsessions) carried by the inner child.

protect gloomy children

The pursuit of perfection, the desire for recognition

"I can't make mistakes! I'm terrible! I'm useless!" People who are uneasy about their self-worth live their lives on the defensive. They don't want to expose flaws that might be attacked, and they demand perfection. Perfectionists always run behind their own requirements, and all successes are short-lived and easy.

Faced with such an inner child, tell him:

Perfectionists are born fighters. You are dynamic, hardworking, and disciplined. You have actually done a lot. You can be proud of yourself.

Even once protecting the gloomy child by "staying invulnerable," a strategy that has accomplished many things, it also runs the risk of burnout. Please remember to relax properly, so as not to make yourself restless.

escape, retreat, avoid

"I'm weak! I'm worthless! I'm weak! I can't do it!" When people face situations where they think their odds of winning are low, they often respond with escape or retreat strategies, but to varying degrees.

"Dissociation" is a more extreme mechanism. When the person is overwhelmed in the environment, he directly goes offline in his heart.

Faced with such an inner child, tell him:

This is how you take care of yourself and allocate your energy properly.

It's good protection, but it's possible that what you're escaping from is just an imaginary Demon Lord. Believe that you are competent enough to protect and defend, and that you don't need anyone's permission to do so.

pretending, role-playing, lying

"I can't be myself! No one loves me!" Using masks and disguise to protect oneself in daily life is actually healthy, natural and in line with social consensus. However, some people will completely fall into the role-playing of society, always hiding themselves like actors.

Faced with such an inner child, tell him:

You do your best to be recognized and loved by others. You put a lot of effort into bringing out the best in yourself. You have a high level of adaptability and self-control.

The inner adult should gently and considerately encourage him to try to show his true self, give himself a little more support, and maybe he can get more solid positive feedback.

reclusive

From eating sweets and coffee to drinking, smoking, and drug use, modern people provide themselves with quick and massive amounts of happiness through a variety of addictive behaviors. Withdrawal symptoms occur when you are unable to acquire substances or engage in behaviors.

The inner adult knows that behavior is harmful; the inner child (both gloomy and sunny) wants immediate rewards.

Faced with such an inner child, tell him:

Most addictions, once people get used to them, do bring great fun. ...In fact, there are various temptations lurking everywhere, and it is really not easy for our will to resist these temptations continuously. After all, all you want is to make yourself feel better.

We have to pay for most addictions, and guilt can be very disturbing. First understand the item and cause of your addiction, don't blame yourself too much, and then look for alternatives.

Healing Depressed Children

Use your imagination to find your inner helper

In some difficult situations, we always want someone to accompany us. Sometimes we can imagine certain people (family members, idols), or Superman, comic characters, etc., helping us. Helpers can even be replaced according to different conditions and their abilities.

Note: Discussed with a psychologist if this is the same as childhood fantasy friends, but it is not. Even if you were accompanied by imaginary friends when you were young, you will be able to distinguish between imagination and reality as you get older. Therefore, it is possible as an adult to imagine an inner helper without indulging in a fictional world.

write a letter

It will be helpful for this exercise if you have a picture of your childhood in front of you.

Write a letter to your inner child, just like a parent who loves a child writes a letter to a child, take the opportunity to care and comfort.

overwrite old memories

Derived from "schematic therapy", recalling negative experiences in childhood does not necessarily have to be to the level of depression, panic or trauma, such as the typical parenting style of parents. In this "adversity", imagine yourself intervening as an adult. Finally, paint a happy ending.

chair conversation

Moving two chairs and placing yourself in different seats, speaking on behalf of the inner child and inner adult, can help to differentiate the perceptions of both parties, so that decisions and behaviors can be more free. Find a specific problem to discuss, and find out why and how to fix it.

Note: After getting used to self-talk, writing or brain supplementation can be very effective.

Discover the Sunshine Kid

Find personal value

Look at your own strengths and overcome your inferiority complex.

Which can also be discussed further:

If you are always striving for perfection, doing everything well and doing it right, then the corresponding values can be like relaxation, joy in life, trust in God, contentment or patience.

Common Values: Bravery, Integrity, Honesty, Responsibility, Fraternity, Gentleness, Carefulness, Generosity, Nurture, Courtesy, Enthusiasm, Tolerance, Kindness, etc.

Make good use of imagination and body memory

Our brains are not good at distinguishing between reality and imagination, so imagination is a very important helper on the road to change.

Through some pictures, melodies, fragrances, etc. to stimulate infinite imagination, it can even shape the environment to trigger positive associations, change states, and summon sunshine children.

In addition, posture can also affect mood. American social psychologist Amy Cuddy has confirmed that people who make power poses two minutes before an interview perform better.

love yourself strategy

Accept the truth

Fighting fear actually takes more energy than accepting it.

Saying "yes, that's how it is" to yourself in your daily life is often enough to be calming and liberating.

Some heavy emotions will stay on the body for a long time, you can try to drive the event or the character itself out of your mind, leaving only the emotion, and the feeling will slowly disappear. (Derived from the Sedona method.)

allow yourself to enjoy life

Many people get caught up in the protective strategies of gloomy kids who don't believe they can enjoy life.

However, from the perspective of an inner adult, there is no evidence to support "don't enjoy your life".

It should be your duty to live and enjoy life as best you can.

Don't try too hard and become burnout

Burnout occurs when a person always works extremely hard, but never sees success.

Burnout is a form of depression, also known as "exhaustion blues".

The inner gloomy children of this group often protect themselves by "pursuing perfection", with perfectionism and a high desire for control. Trying to meet the needs of those around you often ignores your own needs.

If you pay more attention to your own abilities and emotions, and take proper rest and let go, everything will be more stable.

Believe in yourself and your life

The more you believe in yourself, the more you can tolerate failure.

Remember, your fears are mostly just projections.

We can't control everything in life, so we need to learn to trust and let go.

Integrate yourself, be your own best caregiver, and bring yourself a future full of love and trust.

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