EP02. You want to do something big, but what does your mother want more?

foreword

Today is the second episode. I got a few friends to listen to the first episode, and then I got some Feedbacks. The main thing is that the content of the first episode is actually very broad, and many things can be discussed in more depth, but no The relationship is made up from the back slowly, so this episode is mainly related to the first episode. After talking about self-realization, many people may still feel that "Uh... I just can't do this, but I don't know why", of course, the first one may be lazy and the second one may be that you have some practical factors, such as insufficient time, insufficient resources, or lack of money, etc., but this is the difficulty you need to overcome , this is the cost of doing these things, and then the other part is when I have these things, why am I still not able to adjust my mentality to do what I want to do?

define the problem

If you have such an idea, it is actually quite good, because you have taken the responsibility into account. I think it is everyone's right to pursue anything, but everyone has different responsibilities, and the society has different expectations for you. For example, if you are the head of the family today, you just need to support your family. It is impossible to suddenly say that I am going to travel, traveling alone, or what, what about the people in the family? So you have to complete your own responsibilities first. , don't affect other people, it has nothing to do with age, just because you are young now doesn't mean you don't have your own responsibility, your role can be a responsibility, and everyone's expectations of you are also a responsibility, so what is it? You can judge for yourself what responsibility should you take? For example, my parents may want me to be a doctor or a lawyer, or something, then I think this is meaningless, because for them These things are safe, just because they are safe, but my life is still my own. It is up to me to judge whether it is safe or not. If I do something that I think I really want to do, but There is a certain space for it, so what I can do is to reduce the risk. The basic thing to reduce the risk is not to affect other people. The deeper point is that it will not be a disaster for my family. For example, I want to start a business now, and then I run away when I have no money. Loans, but the point is that I just started a business and I can’t make money, so who will repay these debts? If you don’t repay, your family will help you repay, and someone will always bear the consequences, so why should your family go? Do these things? They also have their own goals, and they don’t make money to help you pay off debts, so I think it’s your responsibility to pursue your own goals and your own self-realization first. If I have the qualification to talk about what I want to do, then someone will listen. Otherwise, if you do something you really want to do all day long, then the pain will be borne by your family, and you will talk about it later What, in fact, no one will care, just think that you are prosperous, there are some cases like this around me, maybe in the hearts of these people, they think, "Oh, I have super dreams, I dare to chase" I dare to go What, and then you see the family behind him crying over there, so I don't think there's anything to be proud of in this situation.

Clarify the core of the problem

Then again, how can I say what I want to do and do what I want? The premise is that you need to fulfill your responsibilities, and you can also have a plan after you take responsibility. This can be regarded as a Your short-term goal, assuming self-realization is a long-term goal, for example, I want to open a restaurant, and then if I have any shortcomings, I will make up for it. This is your process in the middle. Your short-term goals may require Reaching a lot of thresholds, such as your contacts, or your funds, or your partners, the other part is how you can reduce your costs, that is, take your responsibilities. For example, if Your own family is a bit difficult, so how do you solve this problem?

individual case

time management

If I encounter such a problem in my own way, I will first use time management to evaluate, for example, I usually work somewhere, and then it takes my time in the morning, how to arrange my time in the afternoon ?Is there time after I get off work to do my business planning, or how much time I should spend with people, such as family or friends, then you set your schedule, and then double-check to confirm this After it is feasible, whether it can be achieved depends on your own perseverance. You have already planned something that you think may be successful, and you are also sure, and then you don’t implement it in the end, it will lead to failure, and you can’t blame anyone. , this is not anyone's problem, and you can't blame others, but this is also an experiment, that is, you can know, where is your limit? Or what method should you use to restrain yourself next time, usually I encounter more The situation is your own problem, because after you leave the society, no one really cares about you. If you live alone, you can sleep until tomorrow after you come back from work and have a meal. There will be a lot of books or resources about time management. My own method is actually more direct, because I don’t like to set some schedules in the United States and Japan. My own time management will be more inclined... For example, Like in the past, wouldn't there be winter homework and summer homework in the winter and summer vacations? Then there may be more than one homework. Some people may plan to say that I may write a few pages on the first day, a few pages on the second day, or a chapter and a chapter. Chapter, it depends on your unit, but my unit is relatively large. I don’t like to plan such detailed items. I have to write a few words and so on. I will divide it into several projects. For example, there are five projects. Then I will first estimate it according to its cost and time cost. For example, this is to write for a long time, it may be very difficult, or there are too many, then I will rank it first, and I will solve it first. I am more relaxed, or the other way around, I will solve the easy first, but if it is easy, I will give myself a deadline, I will finish it within two days, or whatever, but I will not do anything if it is not finished. Because I didn't plan my time so carefully, so when I finish this thing, I won't say that I want to reach sixty points. For example, I'll just write to the fifth page. Instead, I will say I have to at least get to page 5, but after you get to page 5, you don't have to say what I am going to accomplish today, you only have one order, in which case you will continue to do it, if you don't In terms of energy, I have tried it myself. If I order to write five pages, and I write on the fifth page, I will not have a checkpoint, then I will then evaluate whether I want to continue writing. , but in fact, this kind of thing does not need to exist, you are now under the responsibility system, you are not calculating the hourly salary, you will have to finish it sooner or later, so what is the point of checking this point, you are just convincing yourself that "I've done a lot of things, and I should be worthy of enjoying my free time." The important thing is that you haven't finished your work. This is a long-term pain rather than a short-term pain. Of course When you do things in this way, you need to do it wholeheartedly, you can't say, when I'm playing, I think about what I'm going to write, when I'm doing my homework, and then I want to wait and go What are you playing, then your efficiency will become slower and slower. You do something that can be solved in one hour for three hours, and then when the three hours arrive, you feel like "I've been doing it for a long time, should I relax?" ?", how can such efficiency be high, your time is lost like this, which is why many people can't deal with one thing efficiently, because everyone is chased by time, not you to manage Time, but this is for me personally, it's my own thoughts, my way of doing things, and my own values, so I need to make it clear first.

Analysis and implementation

You can evaluate your own personality and find a suitable way, but the premise is that you have to realize that there is this problem. In the end, there is no way you can accomplish a thing. What is the reason? Self-actualization is such a broad topic, if everyone If you can pursue everything, he won't be placed at the top, so isn't there a saying that if you want to become different from others, then do things that are different from others. This is the same thing. When you are planning how much you can achieve every day, is there any way you can be different from others? Can your mentality be adjusted? I think this is the place where your value is highlighted, and it is also irreplaceable for you If your thoughts, the way you do things, your plans, any working student on the side of the road can be exactly the same as you, and the things you say are exactly the same, how can you be sure that you are realizing yourself? Realize the above is more qualified to do this than others, right? I have met many people when they listened to me talking about these things, they actually knew this truth in their hearts, but after listening to them, they would reflexively say "But I just can't do anything right now, I just don't have enough time, I'm super busy with work, and I have to do things late every day." But when you think about it, is it really that expensive? It really needs to be spent So much time? Your fragmented time is actually quite impressive, but this phenomenon is actually the norm in society, because there must be these many people to show the value of the few people. In fact, this kind of research has already been done. There are many, including the eight-two rule. No one says that being the eight is wrong, but if you want to be two, why not? This is the adjustment of the mentality.

observation in practice

Everyone has their own difficulties, and successful people also have their own difficulties. I will not talk about some examples of survivorship bias, but the successful person is successful because he solves the problem of cost, and his cost does not So high, he has more power to try other things, even if you are not after me, I must become a very successful character, or something, you just solve the problem of your current cost, can't you live easier? ?You won't be chased by time all day long. For example, I have many friends who are doing freelancer, but there are two versions of freelancer, one is chased by time, and the other is controlled by yourself. When it comes to time, everyone will want to do the latter, but the latter requires self-management, that is, your mentality has been completely adjusted. Otherwise, you are actually being chased by your employer at home, and you have no freedom. Sometimes they will work longer than the average office worker, so there is a saying that "freelancers are not free", and when you have your own time management SOP, then you also go to verify, you also go Implement, make sure that there is a method that suits you very well, slowly reduce your own costs, and then take the responsibility for you. After that, you can plan how to achieve your self-realization. It will be more practical, and you will not be You will feel that something keeps pulling me, so you won't keep holding back on what you want to do, because then you will know that you can take this responsibility, and then do it, you also believe You can do it yourself. At first, there is no way because what you are doing is decided by others. Suddenly you have to decide what you want to do. You don’t know how to plan. Then you keep asking yourself crazy "True or false, can I do it?", and then slowly convince myself, "I'm just like everyone else, what's different about me?".

practice experience

I don't think it can be done, only if you want it. If you encounter a problem, you are the whole question mark, then you can take it apart to find out where its core is. For me, I have always wanted to find it. At that point, so this is my more subjective idea. I will feel that, the way I encourage myself, I will feel that when I fail to achieve something, but those things are planned by me, I will think it is just because I am lazy, because I don't want to have too many ways to solve this problem, I will think that this is my crazy excuse, for example, I want to start a business, but it fails, I have already thought about it What is a good business model? Suddenly there are some accidents, but if you talk about accidents, no one will pity you. You should fail or you will fail. You can only blame yourself for not doing a good job of market research in the early stage, or you If you don't realize the current industry trends, what is the problem? The problem is laziness, because if you are an operator today, this is your responsibility. You should pay attention to it, but you don't pay attention to it. , that caused your company to collapse, that's your problem, don't blame the epidemic or anything, if it will collapse, it will collapse, and if it will stay, it will stay. If you give it to others, then you are not suitable for this leadership role. I encourage myself to use this method, but in fact, some people may find it a little negative, but I think this is also to train yourself to be strong. One of the ways I often tell my friends "if you are kind to yourself, you are leaving the opportunity for cruelty to others", but when you are cruel enough to yourself, others are saying some hurtful things, It is not easy to shake yourself. I often tell my friends like this, and I will feel that when I say what you are telling me now, I should not tell myself a few times. Of course, the premise is to establish what I want. Take care of this matter, it's not like... I'm rotten(? Not so, so I think the focus of this episode is to say "how do you do your own self-management?", and "you need to How to achieve your self-actualization?", "What qualifications do you need?", "Why can you? Why can't others?", "How can you?", I think this is a very interesting topic , you can also think about it.

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