slow down

I remember the third month I settled down in Taiwan, when I ran into the male host of my neighbor's house. After saying hello, we stood in the corner of each elevator in the dead air. The neighbor broke the silence and said our first greetings between us.

"Are you usually busy at work?"

"Ah!? I won't be very busy." I replied, looking at the neighbors with the eyes that made this statement.

"Because every time I see you walking in a hurry, I want to say whether you are busy with work." The neighbors received my confusion and took the initiative to explain.

"Hahaha, no, it's just because I'm used to walking fast."

After listening to it, the neighbor suddenly became clear: Yes, this woman is from Hong Kong.

Life in Hong Kong is indeed fast-paced, and everyone is used to rushing ahead (rushing to do things), as if if you slow down, you will die. But a large part of my rush is also a matter of my own character. I am a very impatient person. I wish I could deal with several things at the same time. After I have dealt with it, I have extra time to continue to deal with a few things, and the cycle is endless. After I came to Taiwan, I continued to rush like a dog can't change the habit of eating shit. After landing, I have to go to the immigration office to change my residence permit, go to the bank to open an account, and change my Taiwanese driver's license. The staff slowly flipped through the pages of my documents. I knew that others were not trying to make things difficult, so I tried my best to keep my eyebrows low and pleasing to the eye. In fact, every pore was frantic. The center of gravity of the buttocks on the chair kept changing from left to right, imagining what was at hand. There is a fast-forward key that can be pressed hard.

After an embarrassing chat with my neighbors, I began to pay careful attention to the Taiwanese walking on the street. I was really the only one who was always in a hurry. Sir, I sincerely advise me to learn to slow down since I am here, and rush to rush all day long. What are you rushing for? Well, let me learn.

I learned to walk slowly on the street, and when I saw the pedestrian green light flashing quickly, I couldn't hold back and wait for the next green light. If this kind of thing were in Hong Kong, I would definitely rush to it. It would be impossible for me to wait for the next green light.

I also started to learn how to be a patient buyer in the street market. The grandma who was in front of me bought a bunch of things and was about to settle the bill. Suddenly she remembered that there were still tomatoes to buy, and the vegetable seller would definitely stop and wait for grandma to pick out the tomatoes before completing the checkout. I, who only bought a handful of vegetables, would stand by quietly, watching my grandma pick out the tomatoes and hand them over to Abo for weighing. Abo carefully packed all kinds of vegetables into bags, collected money and asked for money, and finally met with him. After a few chats with my grandma, it was finally my turn to weigh the dish and collect the money. Arbor seems to only handle the purchase of one customer at a time, and multiple tasks are mission impossible. A sister who sells vegetables in Hong Kong will be possible. She will definitely help me weigh the vegetables and collect the money when grandma picks tomatoes. The tomato, my sister might even "blame" the grandma for a few words: "Grandma, only tomatoes are so pretty, don't pick them up, you stop other people from buying wild!" Yes, Hong Kong is so disgusting Hurry, hurry, in fact, many times even we ourselves do not understand what we are rushing?

Late on Saturday night, I was alone in the living room perusing Zou Sicong's new article "The Year of Leaving Europe", which included this passage:

Immigrants will inevitably imitate (Mimicry) all cultural life in the country where they are located; however, as a first-generation immigrant, you will have an irreversible double consciousness (Double Consciousness), and the object of your imitation will continue to suppress the subject consciousness you were familiar with ; if you start a family in a foreign country, your next generation will be a "Hybridity" generation, they will encounter a new cultural situation that you may never really understand; and you will always be in a kind of between In exile, interruption, refugee experience...

Reading "permanently in an experience of exile, interruption, refugee", my heart seemed to be twisted hard by an invisible hand, and then I burst into tears. Now that I write it, I also feel that I am too hypocritical, there is nothing to cry, and it seems like something happened to me in Taiwan. I often blame these sentimentality for my hasty departure. If this departure is a willing departure, I am sure that I will not be so depressed; if this path is the path I have thoughtfully chosen, I will finish walking on my knees. I feel that my life is a big broken wall, and all the broken walls are rolling rubble. If I can't climb up, I have to be careful of the abyss under my feet. However, Taiwan did nothing wrong. It was me who was wrong. I trapped myself in a fence in the name of freedom. In the slow-paced space, even the air was glued, pulling my body, unable to take off.

"You should consider applying to settle in Taiwan. If you feel more invested, will you feel better?" My friend persuaded me while handing the sandwich to the little brother at 7/11. Looking at my friends who have become Taiwanese, I methodically took out the 7/11 membership barcode, vehicle, payment code, coffee delivery code from the mobile phone one by one, and the 7/11 brother also patiently scanned the barcode one by one. system, and then turned around to make coffee, and after finishing a cup, it was my turn to buy coffee at the back of the row. I don't know how to explain my inexhaustible decadence to my friends, I just said to my friends, "I think it's better to buy coffee in Hong Kong on 7/11, just click on the Octopus and it's all done. Someone else makes the coffee, everyone. No need to wait." My friend looked at me helplessly, sighed and replied, "I came to Taiwan to live slowly, you have to learn to slow down."

Recently, the big broken wall has collapsed again. Probably because of the peculiar political status of Hong Kong, I do not have the habit of calling myself a "local". In my eyes, there are only two categories of people on earth: Chinese and foreigners. Went to Chunghwa Telecom last month to apply for some service changes. There was an aunt in front of me. I thought she would come to me soon. Watching the beautiful woman at the counter patiently explained to the aunt some issues that I thought were not her business scope at all, and it took half an hour in a blink of an eye. After years of practice, I have generally been able to wait patiently. When it was my turn, the beautiful woman glanced at my residence permit and health insurance card and asked if I had brought my passport. I looked at her in confusion and asked why. "Because you are a foreigner." The beauty reminded me slowly. I'm a foreigner? Don't she and I both have Chinese faces? Why am I a foreigner? I don't really think about whether my remarks involve "Taiwan independence" in this matter. After all, I don't have a complex relationship with Taiwan since ancient times, but I don't think I'm a foreigner either. I quickly realized that beauty is only classified differently from mine. Her concept is that those who have Taiwan passports are natives, and those who don't are foreigners.

Before I could fully accept that I was a foreigner in Taiwan, I was treated as a foreigner again this week. I received a call from the bank saying that when I went to do business before, I forgot to give me a document to sign. The staff apologetically explained that the document was omitted because I am a foreigner and the procedures for dealing with Taiwanese business are different. I closed all the pores of my impatience, didn't get angry, didn't complain, just calmly replied to the bank, and I'd make time to go over there to sign up.

I don't know how long I will stay in Taiwan, I will try to learn to be a slow down "foreigner". But I deeply understand that if one day I really become a Taiwanese, my heart will be split, and the sense of alienation in the face of life will still be there, unless... Oh, where does the reality come from so many if and unless .

 Postscript: At this moment, a certain Hong Kong woman came to complain that her European colleague was too slow, making her too busy. I taught her with an emotional attitude, "You have to slow down, you can do your work responsibly, but you don't need to go too fast." Dear Hong Kong woman, if you are lucky enough to see this, please don't hit me , you know I know, "slow down" is really difficult to grasp like a floating cloud.