How to get to know a person? Seeing is not necessarily the whole truth

I read a news yesterday: The old man "does not raise the white flag" after being accused of being helped. Misunderstanding is big!

It tells that during the movement control period, the old man raised the white flag because of his hard life, but he did not lower the white flag after receiving the supplies and donations, and was insulted by many netizens!

When this strange Arbor was interviewed, everyone learned that he distributed all the donations he received to other neighbors who dared not raise the white flag, including the elderly in their 80s and the disabled.

Take a look at the smashing Thai commercial video below, and imagine if it were you, would you, like the netizens in it, comment on others arbitrarily before you know the truth?

How to get along with strangers?

Before you met the stranger in front of you for the first time, what were your thoughts? Maybe you will judge this person based on his appearance: if he is so fat, this person must be gluttonous and undisciplined; if he has tattoos from head to toe, this person must have a problem; this person speaks so loudly, he must not suffer from anything educate……

Is this really the case? Not necessarily.

In order to interact well with strangers, hostile or friendly people, you need to do accurate data collection on their backgrounds . Where do they come from? What did you do? What religion do you believe in? What language is their preferred language?

Although we may not be able to get the answers to these questions in the short time we meet with strangers, if we can get this information, we can greatly improve the efficiency of the subsequent conversation. Accurate data can make you always vigilant and avoid your own subjective judgments.

Because we don't know how to communicate with strangers, what do we do when we find out that something is wrong? We start blaming strangers. ~Malclom Gladwell

The cause of the event is the truth . As long as you maintain a rational and intelligent mind to communicate with strangers, put down your "colored glasses" and put down your subjective judgment, things will be much simpler. Therefore, in many cases, the best conversation with strangers is when both parties maintain their identities as strangers and continue to maintain rational communication.

Have you ever been deceived by a stranger? Or are the people who have successfully deceived you all around you?

Throughout most of human time, encounters between people, whether hostile or otherwise, rarely happen between strangers. You should have heard the term "acquaintances commit crimes" many times. Family and friends turned against each other, domestic maids stealing, workplace X harassment and X violence, and the recent popular Internet celebrity scams...

In all of these incidents, people rely on a set of "truths" to identify the other's intentions, lies, but often that's how things happen, like: "Hello? Guess who I am?..." There will still be people who are fooled, because everyone always thinks that you know too much about the familiar people around you, and there is no danger .

How exactly do you understand others?

a) Asymmetric Insights

An interesting study by Emily Pronin, associate professor of psychology, involved groups of people doing simple word-filling games. Start by asking them to choose a word to fill in the blank , and then ask them how that word affects them? Respondents all held the same stance: "It's just a simple word that doesn't affect them."

The second time, Pronin gave the interviewees words they had picked up from other strangers . At this time, the group of people who thought the experiment was meaningless changed their minds. They began to judge strangers based on the words they just learned .

Thinking about yourself now, are you constantly judging others by standards that you also find meaningless ?

2) Truth Default Theory

According to Tim Levine, a professor and chair of communications at a university, people can lie occasionally in exchange for effective communication and social coordination . In contrast, the benefits of lying are many, and the costs are negligible, so the occasional deception is just a small cost of doing business .

Over the course of his career, Tim Levine has performed hundreds of versions of the same simple experiment. He invites students to his lab and gives them a quiz, and if they get it right, they get a cash prize.

Levin's research aims to try to answer one of the biggest puzzles in human psychology: Why are we so often deceived? But always think we're good at spotting lies?

In one of his experiments, Levin divided his tapes into two halves: 22 lying videos and 22 truth-telling videos, and invited a group of intellectuals to watch and analyze them. What's your result? People who watched all 44 videos (including judges, negotiators, CIA commissioners, etc.) identified on average only 56% of the lying videos .

The result of this research is called - "Truth-Default Theory" or TDT (Truth-Default Theory) .

People tend to judge the honesty of people based on how they behave . People who are articulate, shake hands strongly, and look bright are considered trustworthy. Nervous, cunning, stammering, depressed people are dishonest and go around in circles. For example, people often think that "liars don't dare to look directly in the eyes of others", but in fact a real liar can lie to you "very sincerely" ~

3) Alcohol myopia

You are not normal you under normal circumstances , but now you may choose to do your best rationally because of various moral shackles of "being a filial good boy", "becoming a popular person", and "cherishing the people around you". You may not be doing anything wrong , but alcohol brings out what's really inside you. So people who study alcohol think it's a "short-sighted phenomenon" -- one that only cares about immediate, short-term feelings, ignoring long-term considerations.

Most of the time, people assume that alcohol just liberates humanity? But the truth is that alcohol will turn people into what they are , people who are not bound by morals or laws: people who are strong in front of others may start to cry, those who are afraid of rejection will start to speak out bravely, those who are always good Mr. At the beginning of domestic violence, fans in football games would hug and dance with strangers around them. They just changed back to their original selves, just like innocent children .

How can you correct the way you currently understand strangers?

1) Let go of your subjective judgments

"Think the other way around, always think the other way around" -Charlie T. Munger

People always come to a conclusion quickly, especially in this era of the proliferation of technology and everything is fast, everyone ignores it, and the latest news must be grasped first! Especially before you know a person, you first know the general information about this person from other populations, and then draw conclusions about him. Doing so will cause you to lose your objective ideas and obliterate all possibilities for the future.

So when you are interacting with strangers, put down your tinted glasses first , do n't jump to conclusions too quickly, and give yourself a chance to think twice .

2) Be cautious and humble

Sometimes no matter what we do, all we can know about strangers is from their own mouths.

If you want to know a stranger, you have to know that the information you get from them is very fragile. You never know if what he said is true or not. The more you want to know them , the more you want them to tell you. The more you have, the more likely you are not to get the information you want .

Just like the US Central Intelligence Agency captured the suspect of the 9/11 terrorist attack, even if the stubborn suspect was finally let go by numerous torture methods, no one could know whether what he said was the truth. You never know the whole truth , just like you never know how much private money your significant other has saved, haha!

Learning to be humble can make people more willing to open up to you ; but also ask questions carefully so as not to touch the other person's scars .

3) You need to improve your wisdom and keep reflecting

Improving your intelligence allows you to correctly use the information you understand about him in your interactions with strangers; continuous introspection will help you eliminate emotions and prejudices in your judgment of strangers. Whether making friends, meeting new colleagues or business partners, or serving as a juror in court, avoid the tendency to judge others by facial expressions, tone of voice, appearance, or skin color .

Additionally, understanding the origins of various events is another key factor in dealing with strangers. Your idol is divorced, the colleague you invited in to work together speaks ill of you in front of your boss, or your father gets drunk and takes anger out of your mother, there are various reasons behind it waiting for you to reflect and explore .

Summarize

Start working hard today to get to know the person who made a bad impression on you! Whether it's your new co-worker or a neighbor you haven't spoken to in months.

The book "Talking To Strangers" mentions the wonderful espionage war between the United States and Cuba, and also mentions how the CIA interrogated Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, an important suspect in the 9-11 terrorist attack in the United States. The whole is very exciting ~ definitely worth a visit read!

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