I came to Europe at the age of 20, and my life has never been the same since then

In September 2022, when I checked the official website of the Czech Ministry of the Interior and found that my visa application status showed "approved", I felt a joy that I had not experienced for a whole year, as if a whole year of joy was accumulated at this moment. After repeatedly confirming that I was not mistaken, I immediately closed the computer, ran out of the house, laughing, and prepared to go to the Bank of China to exchange some euros and prepare my luggage. Staggering on the streets of my hometown, passing by those familiar streets, shops, and people again, I found that the way I looked at everything around me had changed. In the past, I worried that I might share a similar fate with them, a fate that could be arbitrarily shaped or even eliminated by politics, but now I can finally put my mind at ease with the heavy fear of being manipulated by fate.

The moment I boarded the flight to Madrid, looking out the window at my hometown, which I may not visit again for many years, I felt the end of a huge mission. In 2018, I was still a teenager who was addicted to American youth novels, hated school, and liked to write on WeChat accounts. I knew that if I followed the requirements of my teachers and parents and spent three years in high school, I would have nothing. So I decided to make some small "rebellions": read any books I was interested in freely every day; learn English as good as native speakers.

One afternoon, when my high school English teacher found me reading English novels and reciting TOEFL words, she casually said, "Why don't you take the TOEFL so that you can go to school in the United States?" My first reaction was surprise. It's not because I don't know the relationship between the TOEFL test and college applications, or how to apply for American high schools or universities, but because no one has ever told me that I should try it. Maybe the Internet gives people the illusion that "studying abroad is common", but in fact, in terms of proportion, even Chinese who have taken a plane and have a passport are an absolute minority. The English teacher's words seemed to sow a seed in my heart, a seed that yearns for freedom, is curious about the outside world, and desires to control my own destiny (to the greatest extent).

2020 is an unexpected turning point for many people (including me). Just like when I came to Europe later, I found that there was no so-called "security check" whether I was taking the subway or the train. China's security check was approved by the State Council when the 2008 Olympic Games came. Gradually, everyone seems to have become accustomed to the existence of security checks and subconsciously thinks it is "normal". Authoritarian governments are good at finding some seemingly legitimate reasons to put a society into a "wartime" state for a long time until this state is finally taken for granted by people, thinking that this is normal life, and their purpose is achieved. (The four words "wartime" state give people a sense of transience, but looking back at Chinese history, you will find that it is the norm.) This is how people lose their freedom little by little.

Since the beginning of 2020, the Chinese government seems to have found a new magic weapon that they can’t let go of: the COVID-19 pandemic. As long as it is for epidemic prevention and the health of the people, the government’s power can tightly strangle every citizen’s neck while demonstrating its greatness, glory, and correctness, until some people begin to agree with its practices, be hostile to those who disagree, and turn all this into “normal.”

2020 happened to be the year of my college entrance examination. Sometimes things are so coincidental that you will believe that there must be a pair of God's hands painting the world and creating what people call "miracles". During the national lockdown, almost all students took online classes at home, and my mind drifted away from the "college entrance examination". I was busy reading "Fang Fang's Diary" and watching the June 4th documentary. I messed up my senior year and the college entrance examination, and finally got more than 400 points, which surprised myself, my family and friends. Although I wanted to erase its traces in my life for a long time, because this score seemed to symbolize a person's unintelligent, unwise, and would not have a good future, even if it was to some extent my "choice" to mess up, because I always think that if a person can endure the monotonous, dull, and even inhumane environment of ordinary high schools in China for a long time, it at least shows or makes this person less vital. And I hope to be the opposite of it: a person who is passionate, inspired, likes to create, has a wide range of interests, cares about others and society, and walks his own path.

From the first day of college, I had a feeling that this would be just a temporary place to stay and I would leave soon. I started writing again, starting with the most secret and subtle inner feelings and the trivial yet meaningful personal life. I was sensitive to any external grand narratives and the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that were distorted to fit the grand narratives, and tried my best to use my personal life and words to outline my own narrative.

I read and made friends freely, and I found that freedom is not the end of a series of premises (such as "freedom is only possible if you are self-disciplined or excellent", "freedom is only possible after you get into a good university", "freedom is only possible after you have enough money"), but freedom is the premise of everything, and freedom is productivity itself. At the turn of spring and summer in 2021, I verified my theory with my life. I took a leave of absence from that school, and effortlessly got the offer and scholarship for the undergraduate program at the overseas university I once longed for (although I changed my direction after one year of study). My writing also brought me tens of thousands of views and some income, and I made a group of precious friends and even a close relationship that nourished me infinitely, achieved mutual success, and went from China to Europe hand in hand.

At the end of September 2022, more than two months after my 20th birthday, I came to the free, diverse and beautiful Europe, which brought my previous mission to a successful conclusion and opened up a new blueprint for life. For me, "coming to Europe" has never been synonymous with "escaping from China", just as I never consider myself a "rebel" but a "freedom-loving person". What it really means is that people should bravely break through the things that bind themselves, explore how great they can become and how unexpected they can be, and live a life of freedom, dignity and infinite possibilities.

In 2023, I will hear dozens of different languages ​​passing by my ears on the streets of Prague, watch politicians preparing for the upcoming presidential change, trying their best to package themselves and find fault with other candidates, listen to people from different countries share their country's politics, culture, etc. in university classrooms, and learn how cool and meaningful the people here are doing jobs that are almost impossible in China. Everything here has given me new pursuits: I don’t want to be a person who only regards "getting permanent residence" as the ultimate pursuit and works hard to study, find a job to stay, and don’t make mistakes, and finally live a stable and ordinary life. Instead, I want to respect my own rhythm and preferences to drive the trajectory of my life, travel between different cultures and languages, work in many different professions, explore my own personality, interests, and potential as much as possible, and have an influence in society.